If I Die Young
by Falafel Waffel
Summary: AU. Sometimes death is only the beginning... Inspired by If I Die Young by The Band Perry. After she is killed by a drunk driver Katniss Everdeen is given a second chance in the body of a troubled foster child, only, she can't remember who she really is.
1. If I Die Young

**Summary: Based on _If I Die __Young_ by The Band Perry. (Kind of). AU. Seventeen-year-old Peeta Mellark thought his life was over when Katniss Everdeen was taken from him by a drunk driver, but when seventeen-year-old Katrina DeAguste, a troubled foster child, comes to stay with his family he finds life can go on. "You're so like her... Your eyes, how you braid your hair, how you take the cheese off your pizza and eat it last..." I look up at him, all of these behaviors new to me, ever since I woke up in the hospital, "If I didn't know better I'd think you were her, just... In a different body," we shared an awkward chuckle... Of course that was impossible.**

**I don't own The Hunger Games, or _If I Die Young_!**

"I'm going for a run!" I shout up the stairs to my parent's room, tying my nike's tight and pulling my hoodie over my head.

"Kay, be safe, look both ways when you cross Main!" she tells me this every night, I run at night I'd never miss a car coming so I usually give it a short glance before charging across the busy street.

"I always do!" I lie stretching my short legs before throwing the front door open, it's a cool night for April, but it doesn't matter. I'll be sweating in no time. My father is coming up the walkway from his late shift at the hospital.

"Out for a run?" we do this almost every night, I leave as he comes. He pulls me into a tight hug, "I love you Kat, be safe," he kisses the top of my head and I'm off.

"I always am!" the first mile of my run is almost entirely uphill as I run into the center of Doylestown, the sleepy kind of boring suburb of Philadelphia my parents moved to when my mom found out she was pregnant with my sister. The whole town shut down usually at around eight but tonight was the first Saturday of the month, the whole town was in the midst of a Pub crawl.

Main street came quickly, I looked both ways as I approached the intersection, no headlights.

I saw a dark mass move towards me, a pick-up swirving with no headlights, I stood no chance.

_If I die young, bury me in satin__  
__Lay me down on a, bed of roses__  
__Sink me in the river, at dawn__  
__Send me away with the words of a love song_

I don't feel the impact, instead a rush as I'm thrown into the air, but I don't fall,instead I watch my body smash into the windshield, cracking it along the length of my body in spider web like cracks.

"Stop!" I yell the world seems to freeze as the truck's tires come to a screeching halt. Everyone stands still as I scream and shout, "Don't just stand there! Call nine one one!" I try to grab someone's shirt but my hand goes right through him, he shivers at my touch and turns to face me, staring though me.

I know this man, his blonde hair, blue eyes rimmed with tears. Peeta Mellark, my biology lab partner.

I feel something tug at my chest and finally notice the thread of gold light tethering me to my body.

"It's something isn't it?" a bubbly voice tells.

"What's happening, why can't I touch anyone, why can't they hear me?" I look around trying to find the voice.

"They can't feel you either… Well, unless you share a strong bond, you know parents, siblings, close friends, loves," out of the shadows pops a pixie like woman with cotton candy pink hair and a matching suit, "I'm Effie Trinket, your…" she pauses, "Escort…"

A crowd's gathered as the ambulance approaches. The driver gets out of his car, stumbling, I don't know him, I don't know the man who killed me, but I'll never forget his face.

"I can't be dead, I'm only seventeen!"

Effie rolls her eyes, clearly having to deal with this more than she wants. I look down as my tether begins to tarnish and fade, "You're not dead yet, that gold light on your heart is your tether, but you were thrown too far out... They'll try, but there is no coming back..." she sees my anger, my pain, my confusion and her eyes soften, "I know, and I know you were only here for a short while…"

"Are you god?" I inject.

"Oh my no, you'll find God isn't something you can put a face on, or even a tangible presence," I nod before I take in our surroundings, I hadn't noticed but we were now at the hospital, drug here by the tarnishing tether keeping my spirit attached to my body.

They have me hooked up to machines to keep me breathing, and alive long enough for my parents and sister to say their final goodbyes.

Brain dead… Prim would call me that when I'd go running in the winter, coming home my ears and nose numb, but my whole body on fire.

"I have to go back!" I yell at Effie trying to will myself into my body.

She stands stoic as I fall through the hospital bed after trying to lay inside my body. I stand up, standing through the bed and my dying body as she flips through pages of paper on her clip board, why a ghost would need a clip board is beyond me, "Well don't just stand there! You're my escort! Escort me back in my body!"

"There… There's nothing left for you in that body!" she snaps. I can't hear my mother and father talk, but my baby sister, my little Primrose's sobs brake the calm silence, as medical intervention fails at keeping me alive.

I look down at the tether once attached my spirit to my body, it falls to the floor with a loud clank as my heart gives out, no one tries to resuscitate me.

"I'm sorry Prim!" I sob, "Mom, dad… I should have listened!" I yell trying to hold them, they can't feel me, hear me or see me, "I should have looked both ways!" it seems stupid now, something they told me over and over again in my seventeen years.

_Uh oh, uh oh_

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother__  
__She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well__  
__Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no__  
__Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby_

The sky is bright the day of my funeral, the rain from the previous two days clearing filling the sky with a bright rainbow. Effie hasn't left my side since I was thrown from my body and I haven't left my family's side since. My mother and father are no longer talking, not for anger, but every time they speak the words. My mother pulls on a black dress sniffling before pulling out a box, "I was going to give her these..." she sobs pulling out a string of pearls. I walk up behind her having not left them since I died.

"I know Lillian..." my father rubs her arms, "You can give her them today, she'll love them..." she's overcome with sobs, "She's watching over us Lill..." he kisses her forehead, having stayed strong through out all of this.

I smile a little if they only knew.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well__  
__I've had just enough time_

Before I know it we're at my funeral, "She'd want us to be strong," Prim tells my parents, she looks so much older now, tired.

I float up to my casket, walking confusing and impossible as I find myself slipping though solid objects from time to time, it took me three hours to escape my basement my first night as ghost. Effie found this turn of events entertaining and laughed at me for the entire next day. She was like the annoying aunt that seemed to always say the wrong thing, but taught me how to levitate so I didn't get stuck in strange places, she says I'm still too tied to being in the mortal world that I over look the gifts of the spirit world. Whatever._  
_

_If I die young, bury me in satin__  
__Lay me down on a bed of roses__  
__Sink me in the river at dawn__  
__Send me away with the words of a love song__  
_

I run my fingers along my cold body, I can feel it but only just, Effie tells me this is the residual life energy… Whatever that means. I'm wearing the satin green dress I wore to homecoming…

"I was homecoming queen…" I tell my escort who's busy ogling my track coach, in my hands rest a single white rose, "Effie!" I snap, "This is my funeral shouldn't you… you know, be respectful, not eye banging Coach Abernathy?" she blushes.

"You can look like anything you want, just close your eyes and will it. It's one of the perks about… this," I look down at my body, the braided hair, silky green dress… before I know it I can _feel_ the green fabric on my skin, I'm not in shoes, but I won't complain, it's not like I need them anyway.

My family stands at my casket, my grandparents sitting in the front row holding each other while my cousins, aunts and uncles just seem to stare blankly.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well__  
__I've had just enough time_

One by one my classmates file in, giving my parents their sympathy, walking straight through me as I stand at attention next to them. My best friend Madge Undersee, the mayor's daughter hugs Prim tightly, "I know!" she sobs as they sink to the ground.

The last person to come up is the boy who felt my touch moments after my spirit left my body, he takes my cold dead hand, tears streaking his strong face. I can feel it, as he laces his fingers between mine, warm and loving. I look at my translucent hand, "I- I can feel that!"

Effie comes to me, "Oh don't be silly, that only happens…" she pauses, "Hmm…" I don't press her too distracted by Peeta and the tingling in my hand.

_And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom  
__I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,  
__I've never known the lovin' of a man,_

_But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,__  
__There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,__  
__Who would have thought forever could be severed by__The sharp knife of a short life, well,__  
__I've had just enough time_

"I'll love you forever, Katniss. I'm sorry I never told you, never talked to you about anything other than cell division and how you set every track record at school," he sobs, squeezing my dead hand. I want to comfort him, feeling tears come to my eyes that will never be there. Instead I place my hand on his back, trying hard not to go through, he shivers again.

He CAN feel me._So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls__  
__What I never did is done__A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar__  
__They're worth so much more after I'm a goner__  
__And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'__  
__Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'__  
_

My mother and father can't bring themselves to speak, instead my Principal Snow makes a speech about how I was accepted to Yale, received one of the highest SAT scores in the school and always seemed to brighten up the halls. My choral instructor was next, Mister Cinna who could only say that when I sang the birds stopped to listen. When it's time to take me to the cemetery the boys from track and my father go to carry me to the herse. Too overcome by grief my father doubles over in pain.

Peeta steps up and takes his spot at the head of my coffin. I place my hand on his shoulder, "Thank you…" I cry he looks through me again. Maybe he can tell I'm there… Maybe it'll comfort him…

_If I die young, bury me in satin__  
__Lay me down on a bed of roses__  
__Sink me in the river at dawn__  
__Send me away with the words of a love song__Uh oh (uh, oh)__  
__The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)__  
__Go with peace and love__  
__Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket__  
__Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh_

I stand by my parents as they lower me to the ground, they seem calmer, at peace._The sharp knife of a short life, well__  
__I've had just enough time__So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

"It's time to go, Katniss," Effie tells me, "You can visit whenever, but for now we have a big big day ahead of us!" she chirps. I'm almost terrified at what she means but I take her hand, looking back once ore at my mourners.

They'll be ok, in time they'll be ok. Some day they'll find the peace I feel now.


	2. Katrina

**This chapter contains reference to domestic violence and sexual assault (which is why I bumped it up to M, also for safety in the future). Also, I didn't have internet yesterday… So those reading any of my other stories can expect updates probably tonight or tomorrow (Pending they don't shut off my interwebz tonight again).**

**I don't own the Hunger Games! :(**

"Is this heaven?" I ask dumbly, kicking at the white haze that surrounds us. I'm still in my funeral dress, afraid to take off the beautiful satin, though I could wear anything…

So I settle for a t-shirt and jeans, still sans shoes.

"Oh my no, heaven is only for spirits done their job on the mortal plain," her heels click behind her, even though there is no end to the haze, no solid ground.

"What what what?" I chase after her, trying to get her to stop to explain this to me but no matter how hard I tried she was always just out of reach.

"Ahhh yes," she flips through her clip board.

"You'd think they would have bought you guys iPhones or something," I smirked.

"Oh I have one on the mortal plain," she waves, "These will be your quarters. I know you don't sleep anymore but we just like keeping new spirits accounted for… Sometimes they tend to you know, wander off and go dark and… shady…"

A door appears out of nowhere, when I throw it open I'm in a blank white space with no haze, "You can make it whatever finds you most comforting," I remember the family vacation to Disney World my parents took Prim and I on when we were young, the room instantly taking on the bright cheerful look of our hotel room. With the memory come Prim and I, her ten me thirteen bouncing on the bed hopped up on so much sugar I'm sure we drove our parents nuts.

A sob chokes me but Effie waves her hand, the space growing dark, a plush bed with a bright yellow comforter in the center of the room, "This is the default, you can use it as long as you like, or change it to something that doesn't cause you pain. You may come and go as you please, but I have been summoned elsewhere," she bids me goodbye.

"Wait, you implied that I wasn't done in the mortal world… What do you mean by that?"

She just smiles and blinks out of existence.

Damnit… I mutter flopping down on the bed. I close my eyes, I'm not sure how long passes, time seems to work strangely here, constantly going forward at whatever speed you wish, it feels like only hours ago I was watching myself die, but it had been days. Watching the living was a lot like watching TV you only saw the important things and the filler you wanted to see.

"Miss Everdeen," I sit up only to fall through the bed.

"Don't you knock?" I ask annoyed as I struggle to get through the plush bed before my body goes solid again.

"I've been knocking for the last week," she says in her chipper voice, "You've been recharging this whole time!" she's blue this time hair and suit matching perfectly.

"It's only been a few minutes…" the room never got darker, there was no way to tell how time had passed.

"Oh don't be silly, come come! We have a big big day!"

"You said that when you dropped me off here," she nods and I take her hand.

"You could have gone anywhere, but now you must go to prove yourself!" I blink and we're in another pure white room, only the ever present haze is here.

"Ok, you've been granted permission to return to the mortal world, but to do this, someone needs to die, so even if you have permission if you're not worthy you leave purgatory and move on, your earthly business never to be completed," her face contorts, "Unfortunately this leads to a lot of uneasiness upstairs, agitated spirits, jailbreaks, shades…"

I just nod as a silver door appears in front of me, it's cool to the touch and in a metal plate dead center my name is etched in a beautiful script _Katniss Everdeen_.

"ooo they're ready, make me proud!" Effie kisses my cheek, I can't feel her lips, though I really don't want to.

The door creaks open to a dark room, a beam of white light follows me as the door slams shut to a single bench positioned before a long table where ten men and women sit.

"Miss Everdeen, please sit," the stool creaks under my "weight" I have to wonder if this is an illusion or the objects here react to my spirit as objects back home react to my body, "We are deeply sorry for your loss. You were but sixteen…" the man at the center starts, his hair is slicked back, his beard shaped perfectly to mimic fire licking at his cheeks.

"I… Thank you? I'm sorry, this is all confusing…"

No one else speaks but this man, "We understand, I am Senca Crane, this is my Council. We are the ones judging whether or not you may return. If you are worthy…"

I nod weakly, only able to think of Prim, "So tell us Miss Everdeen, why should we give you a second chance at life?"

I can't find words, truly I can't think of why they shouldn't just let me move on, but apparently I had unfinished business… yeah another sixty years of living!

"I don't know! To be honest I don't, I want to tell you that I'll change people's lives, I was going to go to Yale or Tulane… They're really good schools back on earth," Crane smiles.

"We know, Miss Everdeen, all of us were mortals at one point, though this was our calling."

Weird…

"I want to say that I could become a doctor, find the cure for cancer, or AIDS, or some other disease. I also sang, maybe my words could change lives? Inspire people to live on?" this all sounded like such bullshit as I pleaded my case. I never gave any though as to why I should be given a chance to live again.

Then I remembered the warm feeling on my hand when Peeta held my dead hand, how when I spoke or touched him he looked in my direction as if I knew I was there.

"There… There's a boy!" I stand up, "He can hear me, he can feel me even like this, not even my parents or sister could…"

"That's impossible, Miss Everdeen.."

"No!" I plead, "I know it sounds crazy, but when he held my hand I could feel it, it was warm… I can show you!"

Crane eyes me suspiciously, "This room can be anywhere you want it to be, Miss Everdeen, show us."

I could barely keep myself from falling through beds and floors, how was I supposed to find Peeta, prove to these ghosts that he could feel my presence, that we had some crazy connection?

I squeezed my eyes shut and whispered his name, remembering his smile, his bright eyes, even his tears at my funeral, then I heard it.

"Katniss…" he sobbed, my nonexistent heart burned his grief, his pain, all because of my death… Because I couldn't look both ways.

"Well done, Miss Everdeen," Crane sat back down at his desk, though we were in Peeta's bedroom there were no walls, the only way to tell the difference between Purgatory and his room the scuffed hardwood floor.

I put my hands on his cheeks, they didn't go through his skin, in fact they felt warm, he jumped a little, "Peeta… I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I don't have a lot of time…" his eyes stared right through me.

"Katniss…" he whispered, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Everything will be ok Peeta, I promise! Everything will be ok!"

"Everything will be ok…" he echoed, I looked up at the council, enjoying their shock.

"I'll come back to you," I broke the connection between us, my hands growing cold again, "I'll find my way back to you, I promise!" the room disappears.

"You are dismissed, Miss Everdeen. Please return to your room while we deliberate your case," they all look ghost white, as if I've shown them a miracle.

I smirk a little, I could go home… but in what state? Would anyone recognize me?

I bit my lip as I closed my eyes, willing myself back into the tiny dark room I had apparently wasted a week in.

A whole week, I was gone from my family for a whole week, "Mom… Dad… Prim…" I sobbed, the grief I had pushed away during all this finally coming to me. When I opened my eyes I was in their bed, lying between my mother and father, Prim and her beast of a cat curled up between them.

I closed my eyes and listened to their breathing, their hearts beating… I couldn't find comfort in Purgatory, but I could find it here, with them. Maybe they knew my presence because when they woke up in the morning they seemed calmer.

"Katniss," I groaned and looked up, Effie was floating above me, "The council has made their decision, time to go!" I sighed and sat up before taking her hand and was delivered back to the Council's room.

"Please have a seat Miss Everdeen," I sit on the creaky stool, I had to wonder how many detached souls sat here waiting to hear their fate, "After a long deliberation we have decided to allow you to return in the body of another."

I would cry if I still could, "I… Thank you!" I could go back to Prim, to my mother, to my father, to Peeta. I would figure out why he could sense my presence.

"Miss Trinket will guide you to your new body, you will have no memory of your past life, or of what transpired here until you find them on your own. She will be involved in your mortal life as well though you may not recognize her," I nod, I was going back, I was getting a second chance!

"You do know that this is a gift not always given, but we have seen the effect you have on the boy, you are both destined for your own greatness, but neither of you will get there until you are returned to a body." Crane's voice was even, collected, calm.

"Have you any questions Miss Everdeen?"

"When can I go back?"

"Soon… Katrina DeAuguste is almost ready…"

_Katrina_

They all stared at the dark bruise on my cheek, deep purple against my olive skin. I tried covering it up with my hair, with make-up but nothing worked, so I gave up. I was getting hit, what of it?

It wouldn't matter much anymore, dad was in the slammer, mom was on her way there as well and I'd be on my way into the system… Again.

She just got me back too, just got out of prison, just got clean. Then she started syphoning pills from her work, addictive painkillers she sold for money on the side.

I was stealing one a day, it wouldn't be long now. I wasn't going back into the system just to get kicked onto the streets in a year… To be leech on the world.

One last hurrah before I go. No one would miss me anyway… Well, maybe Ronnie, but he and I shouldn't be messing with each other anyway. I was sixteen, he was twenty-one with a girlfriend, but it didn't matter, I'd slink into his bed without hesitation.

Things would work out better for him without me anyway.

"Miss DeAuguste," my teacher snapped, "Are we boring you?"

I only had one night left, I picked up my bag, "Yeah, actually you are. I'm out of this hell hole. Peace mother fuckers," Misses Grayson's jaw dropped, I was never the ideal student, but I always came to class, I had to earn my C average somehow.

I passed through the metal detectors a security guard asking for my hall pass, I flipped him off and ran for the SEPTA station two blocks down, throwing my backpack over an overpass and pulling out my phone.

"The usual spot?" I asked Ronnie when he picked up.

He just chuckled as I got on the train from North Philadelphia to Center City, we'd go to Love Park, grab something to eat then head back to his place for one last lay.

That's all I needed, to feel human touch one last time.

"We can't keep doing this kid," he'd say as we shed our clothes.

"Just this one last time," my lips would find his, our dark eyes would clothes and I'd lose myself in his hallow touch.

No one would miss me, he'd get over it even if he did. He had a career girl, no kids, a job.

I pushed my door open over the broken bottles, empty Bud Lite cans and cigarette butts, "What the fuck you doing home?" my mother asked, an elastic band on her arm as she pushed the needle in her skin, "Ain't you got school?"

My mother was attractive once, full of life, my dad took that away from her when he introduced her to heroin. Such is life.

"Fuck off," I walked up to my room but she was on me, her hands in my hair.

"Don't you talk to your momma like that!" somehow she over powered me, somehow, she frail but still high as a kite, ripped me from the top steps sending me tumbling down, crashing through our glass door onto our front porch.

"What the fuck!" I shout, the neighbors are staring, but this is nothing out of the ordinary, "You _throw me_ down the stairs!" I come at her, my fist meeting her face.

"You learn to respect me girl! I give you a place to live I put food in your damn mouth!" she slaps me, I punch her, this goes on until her new husband would come home. He'd join in too some times, sometimes he'd walk over our brawl open up a beer and wait for my mother to pass out and me to slink away injured to my room where he'd be on me in a second.

His vial hands everywhere. I just stand there as his dirty fingers grope where Ronnie's empty hands just were, it would be all over soon. Not the ongoing sexual assault my by step-father, but my life in general.

Guardian angles come in many forms, mine came in the form of the Philadelphia Police Department. You don't trust cops, ever… Well, usually.

They pull my step-dad from me, and cuff him. I pull my legs into my chest trying to hide the bloody mess that is my body. I hadn't received a beating like this in months, now I was there, naked on my bare mattress unable to hide it form the cops.

They've ruined everything, I would be in a home before the sun went down.

I hacked, blood spewing out of my bloody mouth, I had never felt more tired in my life.

Maybe this was death, maybe it would come easy. Just wish it was on my own terms…

_Katniss_

I watched in horror as this girl's final day unfolds, she's so helpless, so gone already.

"I can't live like that!" I gasp watching her lay limp as the second man of the day pounds his careless body into her.

"This is a gift, Katniss, besides, she'll be in foster care, _you'll_ be in foster care when you wake up…" Effie tells me in her chipper voice, "We've chosen her for a reason…" I nod

We're in the hospital as her heart stops, her spirit leaves her body and is taken away by a male escort, though they don't see us, I see her ghost smile. She's at peace.

The gold tether is connecting me to her body now, it starts dim, tarnished but glows with every shock she receives from the paddles.

"Clear!" it glows more and more, I feel drawn to her body, "Clear!"

"You can do this Katniss, just take a deep breath. I may not know you, and you may not know me, but we'll find each other and find your purpose together," I nod as everything goes white and I'm pulled to the broken body under me.


	3. My New Home

**Thank you for the alerts and what not! Please review! I'm getting a lot of alerts but like no reviews, I want to hear what you think! Love it? hate it? Confused? Tell me! (I read my story reviews at work when I'm bored D: Entertain me please!) :)**

**I don't own the Hunger Games D:**

_Katrina_

I felt free, uplifted, shocked. I was alive.

How was I alive?

"Your mother and step-father are in police custody," the social worker told me. I had stitches all over my body, a bruised rip and a once collapsed lung. How was I alive?

"We've matched you with a foster family in Doylestown," she told me, she was a mousy woman, Dianne Simpson.

"The _suburbs_?" I laugh, "I'm moving on up in the world." I looked around the room, there were hundreds of ways for me to kill myself here, but I was filled with a strange desire to live. To fight.

It would go away eventually. Probably May 8th next year, my eighteenth birthday.

I was in the hospital for the next week before meeting my new family, the swelling had gone down in my face and I was beginning to look human again. Dianne ushered in my new family, they were so pretty and suburban the fit mother with bleached white teeth, the well-built father who had a few extra pounds followed by three boys all blonde haired blue eyed copies of his father. Guess they were trying for a daughter.

"Katrina, this is Thomas and Lisa Mellark, and their sons Ryan, Andrew, and Peeta," I nod, unable to speak. Would they hate me? Would they hit me? Would they refuse to feed me? I had been in all three situations before.

I open my mouth to speak but the mother is on me, "Oh you poor thing," I wince as she wraps her well exercised arms around me.

"Lisa, please, give the girl some breathing room!"

I don't know where it comes from, but I hug her back, I had never received a motherly hug before, she seems shocked by my affection and pulls back. I studied the boys, the older two were definitely twins, especially with how they acted, the youngest studied me. When our eyes met I felt a pang in my chest, like I was remembering him from somewhere.

"Dad's always wanted a daughter," Andrew teased nudging their father as he pulled out clothes for me to wear, jeans and a light blue blouse with some sneakers.

"Yeah, why would your mother and I give you another sibling with how you beat on Peeta?" Thomas asks rolling his eyes.

"Don't worry," I finally speak up squeezing my hands, I have hairline fractures in both my hands from the fight with my mother, "I can dish it back," I smile a little as the two boys whoop and holler. Peeta has since excused himself.

Lisa's hand is on my thigh, "You'll have to forgive our youngest, he just lost someone very close to him, but he'll warm up to you," I nod as the nurse comes and removes my IV, covering it up with a ball of cotton and tape. Everyone leaves me be as I sit up, I know I won't be able to dress myself, I can barely bend over.

"Misses Mellark?" I feel my blush creep to my cheeks.

"Please Katrina, call me Lisa," I nod and correct myself.

"Lisa, could you… I know this is weird, but help me dress?"

She closes the door and pulls the blinds, "Of course sweetheart," I can't trust her, this is just an act, the second we get to her house she'll turn, they all do. She was just in this for the money.

"I know what you're feeling, Katrina," I jump at this as her cold hands are helping me untie my gown, "I was in the system until the day I turned eighteen," her voice is sad. Is she lying? Trying to get me to trust her? She had muscular arms, she could probably do a better job at beating me than my mother.

She helps me clasp the bra, it's brand new, we have to remove the tag and everything, I've never had a new bra before…

She smiles at my silence buttoning up my blouse for me, "I bounced from house to house from the time I was six to when I turned sixteen… Then I found the Mellark's, or they found me…" she smiles as I sit on the bed and pull on the brand new jeans, come to think of it I had never worn new clothes before in my life, "When I turned eighteen I expected them to kick me on the streets, wash their hands of me… But no, they helped me get a job, I gave them one hundred a month for rent until I graduated high school, then they helped me get financial aid for college," that's definitely a lie, families don't do that.

I slip my feet in the sneakers, new as well. God damn suburb people were rich, buying clothes for strangers, "Here," she hands me a brush, "Actually, I don't want you disrupting your stitches," yeah, probably keeping you from your book club, or Country Club, or the gym…

I'm still sitting on the bed as she brushes out my long black hair, she's gentile, loving. I'm terrified.

"C-can you braid it?" I try and press my luck, mother's braid their daughter's hair… Well, good mother's.

"Of course! You have so much of it!" she starts at my widow's peak and works my hair until it's all neat and tied back. I look at my reflection, behind the stitches and the green bruises Katrina was hiding in there.

Maybe I did have a future…

Ryan and Andrew took to the very back seat of the Mellark's Pilot, climbing over the row behind the front seats and immediately finding themselves in a debate over people whose names I didn't know.

Peeta sat next to me, the foot between us like a mile, he didn't look at me, or acknowledge my existence, "So where are you from?" Thomas asks as we get onto the Turnpike.

"North Philadelphia? Right by Temple," it's started to rain and I trace droplets down the window.

"Did you ever get shot?" Ryan asks playing with my braid, he's eighteen but right now reminds me of a rammy child.

"Ryan!" Lisa hisses from the front seat.

"No, it's fine. Philly's not that bad of a town," I turn around wincing a little from my ribs, "No I never got shot, my pops shot someone though," my hands go to my mouth. I've said way too much, "I'm sorry! Please don't hit me!" I flinch waiting for a blow to come that never does, I was hit in my third home for saying this before, they didn't want me plaguing their children's minds with such violence.

"Don't apologize, and no one's going to hit you," I cross my arms and sink into my seat, just wanting to disappear, Peeta's eyes are on me, curious, studying my every movement. I stroke my braid, nervous, would he hurt me? Would he try and touch me?

I grip the seat panicking but a warm hand cover's mine, "Katrina… Are you ok?" my cheeks are soaked. I should move my hand but instead I grip his, tightly through the pain. There was that feeling again, I recognized him, somewhere. It's dim like a candle in a blizzard, trying to lead me home but still so far away.

"I'm fine…" I mumble finally pulling my hand from his, the heat lingering.

"Peet, your brothers, your mother and I have to go to the Everdeen's to get the rest of Katniss' clothing for Katrina, you get her settled ok?" I didn't notice before but the car had come to a stop. We were in the middle of town, surrounded by old buildings, it looked just like Old City. The only big name store I saw was a Starbucks which was surrounded by ghetto looking white kids. They didn't know what the ghetto was, hopefully never will. In the road was a large dark stain, too big to be an oil leak, it gave the road a rusty red twinge. Blood maybe?

There is no city smell here, in fact it smells almost floral, and quiet, oh the quiet.

"Katrina?" Peeta calls opening the door to what I assume is his home, he holds open the wrought iron gate and the white door that leads straight to a staircase. The stairs creak under my weight, "It might get a little warm in here in the summer, we live above my dad's bakery," I nod taking in the home. It's larger than the one I lived in back in Philly, but cozy. The first space we walk into is a large living room with plush couches never used to hide drugs, separated from the kitchen by a half wall, everything in Misses Mellark's kitchen is stainless steel, not dented by heads, hands and feet like my mother's. They have a formal dining room with a massive cherry table, polished to perfection. It's never seen a razor to cut cocaine into neat lines.

Peeta's hand finds my lower back, "You're room is this way," he leads me down a bright hallway filled with pictures of the family fishing, on the beach… I had never seen the beach before.

One catches my eye and I stop dead in my tracks, Peeta dancing with a short little thing with hair the color of dark rich honey, tanned skin and bright eyes, they're wearing sashes. Homecoming King and Queen.

"Your girlfriend?" I ask touching the black silk around the top right and bottom left corners of the picture frame.

"No… She was a close friend…" he sighs and looks down at me, "A drunk driver hit her a few weeks ago, she didn't make it," I felt the tugging again from the pain in his voice.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up…" I mumble stepping away from the photograph.

"She wouldn't want everyone to mope around, its fine. Just weird, she had this effect on people, made them want to try harder," he shrugs, smiling faintly, "Here, my room's next to yours, the twins across the hall, and here…" he opens the door directly across from mine, "Is the bathroom, you have to share with my brother's and I… Sorry," I nod and walk into my bedroom. It's a light shade of blue with a girlish touch. Every piece of furniture has that creamy white color and gentile curve with antiqued drawer pulls. There's even a TV in here, I've definitely never had my own TV.

"Kat…" Peeta's hand is on my shoulder as I begin to cry.

"I slept on a bare mattress on the floor with a comforter I stole for the last two years," I sit down on the bed and stare at the ceiling fan, the tears leaving my eyes, "I don't deserve any of this. I'm just a foster kid…"

"Hey!" he snaps sitting on the bed, he plays with my braid idly, flicking the tip, "My mom was a foster kid, you say something about them you speak ill of my mom. I don't care what kind of shit you can dish out, I can take you," I just roll my eyes.

Silly boy.

The Mellark's come home, arms full of the dead girl's clothes. We're the same size and everything. I don't mind wearing hand-me-down's, especially such nice ones. There were brand name clothes in these boxes.

"The Everdeen's wanted you to have this," they hand me a laptop, the only computer I had ever touched was a beater at school, "They wiped it clean but didn't need it sitting around the house," the tears came again, maybe these were nice people.

"I can unpack on my own," I told them quietly, "You've already done so much…"

"We'll be right down the hall if you need us," I nod and close the door behind them. I rush to the window opening it up letting in the cool floral breeze waft in the room before digging through the desk to find a pen. I took off the sneakers and tugged at the insole until it came free before writing my homes down.

_DeAuguste_

_Smith_

_Scott_

_Renyolds_

_Martinez_

_Hamilton_

_DeAuguste-Roberts_

_Mellark_

"What are you doing?" a voice asks I jump, it's Peeta.

"N-nothing!" I go to shove the insole back in my shoe but he stops me reading my list, I jerk away, "Don't you knock?" my voice is harsher than I mean for it to be.

"The door was ajar… Are these your families?" I nod slowly and shove my shoe back together, ashamed.

"You're not supposed to see that," I whisper going back to unpacking, putting shirts and pants on hangers.

He just shrugged, a hand in his pocket as he took my growing pile of shirts and put them in the closet, "You don't need to help me," I snap.

He puts his hands up defensively, "Easy there, you're wincing every time you move, I have to do something," I huff, he's right.

"Sorry, not used to someone wanting to do stuff for me," he rolls his eyes.

"Well get used to it, my mom likes you. She always wanted a little girl, but three boys instead," I smile a little, handing him three hangars of soft sweaters.

I stay quiet through dinner as the twins dominate the conversation about the upcoming baseball season, finally I speak up, I'm not sure where the words come from, "Don't count the Phillies out already," I cut in, "I mean yeah Washington is looking pretty hot, but have _some_ local pride," they gawk at me while I tear the cheese off my pizza setting it to the side as I eat the crust, saving it for last.

"What about the Yankees, or the…"

I roll my eyes, now devouring my cheese, "Really… The Yankees?"

Thomas laughs, "She'll fit in just fine," I smile a little, feeling just a tiny bit more at home. I help with the dishes after dinner, no matter how much Lisa tells me it's fine.

"You'll have to leave for school a little earlier tomorrow to get your schedule and to find your classes, Peeta's in your grade so he should be able to show you around," I crinkle my nose… School?

"I walked out of my last school," I tell her drying a plate, "Right in the middle of history."

She puts the plate away, "You shouldn't do that here… Please don't…" her eyes are pleading, I want to promise her I won't. That I won't throw out this gift…

But a crash from the other side of the house breaks our moment, "Moooom!" one of the boys shout.

I finish the dishes and put them away, "You don't have to do that you know," I jump as my foster father grabs a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"I feel like I had to do something… You've already done so much…" I whisper looking down at my socked feet, instead of talking more I bolt out of the kitchen into my room. Falling into the bed ignoring every single bit of pain, I sob for what feels like hours before falling asleep, cocooned in the soft sheets.


	4. My New Life

**I do not own The Hunger Games! Please review :) As always thank you for the alerts and reviews!**

6 am came too quickly, far too quickly… Lisa was in my room pulling the curtains, "Time to wake up, I'd get in the shower now if you want any hot water," I groan and push myself out of bed, "I didn't know what you used so I just set some extra's in there for you, and a new toothbrush. We can go out later to get you shampoo and what not later if you'd like."

I rub my eyes free of sleep as Lisa hands me two towels, "No, this is good, thank you," I smile and close the bathroom door.

I feel cleaner than I ever had before when I leave the bathroom, most of my showers before were just water since my mother didn't see fit to buy soap all too often.

I come to the kitchen yawning, everyone else already awake but stop when I enter in the room. It's 6:30, school starts in about an hour the news plays in the living room, I barely listen until someone says "North Philadelphia" I set down my mug of coffee and sit in front of the TV.

On the screen is my mother's house with police tape across the front door, "Neighbors report the violence in this household was a constant norm, the teen that called this her home constantly leaving the house bleeding and bruised. It wasn't until yesterday that a passer-by called nine one one after the teen was allegedly thrown through the family's glass door. The adults, thirty-one year old Celeste Roberts and her husband Daniel Roberts, age 35 are in police custody facing charges of neglect, abuse, drug and firearm possession and," my hands go to my ears but it's too late, the woman says it, "sexual assault of a minor," I feel their eyes on me as a gulp for breath, now they know, now they know my shame. I wasn't just the sad little girl with a few cuts and bruises, I was the abuse victim who made the six o'clock news. Strong hands pick me off the ground and stand me up but I won't meet their owner's eyes.

I feel filthy, ashamed, "No one can hurt you here…" a strong voice promises, "They'd have to get through us," I look up and realize it's Thomas Mellark, holding me in his lap like a father would his daughter.

They don't press about my outburst, just as they never bring up my scars and bruises, fresh and old. Peeta and I leave for school at ten of having to walk the short distance from the center of town to Central Bucks West high school, it's an old building with a well-kept lawn and a tall clock tower. Already there are cars in the parking-lot fancy new Mercedes and even a few Porsches.

"I know how to hot wire one of those…" I tell Peeta quietly as we pass a Honda.

He puts his hand on my back, people are staring, I feel it. Who wouldn't? I'm the new girl, "Let's _not_ do that, ok Katrina?" I smile and nod kicking myself for telling him that. I shift my backpack a little, its full of brand new notebooks and a large empty binder. We walk into the school without having to be pat down or put our bags through metal detectors.

"They trust you guys here, you know to not bring weapons to school?"

"I-"

"Peeta!" a muscular blonde comes up to him, pulling Peeta in a hug which is my sign to pull back, maybe his girlfriend?

"Morning Madge, this is Katrina DeAuguste, she's living with us for a while," the blonde hugs me as well, which I wince as my rib throbs in pain.

"Wow, you are… a mess, you lose a fight with a football team?" she asks.

I cock an eyebrow and cross my arms over my chest, "No, my mom and step-dad," I snap, she winces. Was I too harsh? I instantly felt bad, "I'm sorry, erm… Can we start over? Nice to meet you, I'm Katrina."

She nods apprehensively and takes my hand, "Madge Undersee," she gets up on her toes and looks right in my eyes, "Your eyes are like… really silver… Kind of like…" she gets down to the ground, the joy immediately out of her face, "Never mind," she turns to Peeta, "Finnick, Gale, Annie, Johanna and I are pulling you out of your house tonight, Katrina can come too, we're going to go to Peace Valley."

He stiffens, "She always ran there on the weekends…" he mutters.

"That's why we're going, it's her favorite kind of day. We have to honor her, not wallow in self-pity!"

Peeta huffs and looks at the blonde, "Fine, only if it's ok with Katrina," I freeze like a suburbian in front of a SEPTA bus, decisions on Peeta's social life shouldn't be left to me.

"I… Uh… Sure?" Madge beams and hugs me again.

"We'll see you after the last bell!"

We walk to the office, "I shouldn't go, this is for your friend, I'm an interloper," where did that word come from?

"I want you to go," he says quietly opening the door, I don't get to ask him why because the receptionist greets me.

"Good morning, you must be Katrina," how did she know my name, I just nod, "Here's your schedule," I look over the paper, first period I had History, second period was Biology, third was Gym, then I had lunch followed by choir at fifth, English at sixth, Spanish at seventh and math at eighth. I scrunched my nose.

I already kind of spoke Spanish seeing as my father is Hispanic, well from his mother's side, his dad's side he's Italian which gave me my dark hair and olive skin, I wouldn't let her know, easy A?

"Wait, choir? I can't sing…"

"I'm sorry…" her eyes look up to Peeta, "It was the only elective we had open, unless you wanted to take Oceanography or Geography," I gag a little, "We didn't think so…" I must have gotten the dead girl's seat in all the classes, the only one without Peeta being Choir, because everyone seems perturbed by my presence.

"We have a new student with us… Katrina DeAuguste, please introduce yourself…" my first teacher Mr. Flickerman, who I was told was the head of the morning news so he was about five minutes late to every class, asked taking his seat. He had slicked back black hair and tan skin, and reminded me of a news caster.

"No thank you," I tell him going back to flipping through my History book, it belonged to her, Katniss Everdeen, her name is printed in a lovely script I envy as I scrawl my name on the inside cover.

"Oh please, anywhere fun you've traveled, what do your parents do for a living, what brings you to Doylestown," I close the book cover quietly and sit up straight, the room's eyes are on me. Do I tell them the truth?

"I went to Camden a few weeks ago," I didn't tell him it was to buy weed, he didn't need to know that, they'd have me peeing in a cup before I could blink, "I lived in Philly my whole life and never really traveled," I pick at the cover.

"Very nice, lovely city. Now, in the beginning of the year I had everyone write down their favorite part of history, cheesy I know, but can you tell us yours?"

The words come to my mouth without hesitation, "That even though history repeats itself, we have the power to change it, not repeat the same mistakes twice and become better as a human race," he blinks, "What?" I ask the silence of the room.

"Very insightful answer, class open to page 341, Pre-American Revolution, doesn't that seem fun?" I flip through the pages of my book until I find a paper pressed between he pages.

_Katniss Everdeen_

_1) What is your favorite aspect of history?_

In her delicate, beautiful hand writing she has written: _That even though history repeats itself, we have the chance to change it, not repeat the same mistakes twice, thus becoming better as a human race._ That's why they're shocked. I gave the exact same response as a dead girl.

I flip quickly to the correct page, reading about taxation, the Declaration of Independence, and the Boston Tea Party, anything to get rid of the chill up and down my spine.

Biology goes by without incident, I'm not asked to say anything about myself, and instead Madge, Peeta and I are paired up to observe premade slides of cell division.

"I can't believe we have gym next, ugh there goes my good hair day," Peeta messes up Madge's hair as she squeals, thrashing around while I detail the nucleus of the cell.

"I think I actually enjoy school here," I remark drawing chromosomes splitting on my paper. I look up at a shocked Madge, "What?"

"Weird-o," she teases before twisting the lens of the microscope to get her own observations.

I was happy I wore my sneakers to school today, though I was in pain I could use a run. Not sure why but I felt the need to, also it seemed as if my body was healing faster than normal and I could even bend to stretch without crying.

We were running the mile today, apparently this was Katniss's favorite thing besides what they called "suicides" which was where you ran back and forth in the gym over and over until you couldn't move anymore. She held the female record for both.

"So… Prom dress shopping," Madge starts as we're joined by a brunette who clings to a red-head, a tall olive skinned man with grey-green eyes, and a short brunette with really short hair. I tune them out, prom, something I'd be missing.

"What do you say Katrina?" the brunette nudges me having left the side of her male companion.

"Wha?" all six of them are staring at me as I stretch my right leg, my left tucked neatly into my groin, "Sorry, I zoned out…"

"Prom? It's in like three weeks and none of us have dresses," she pauses, "Oh! I'm Annie Cresta, this is my boyfriend Finnick Odair, you know Madge and Peeta, and that's Gale Hawthorne and his lady friend Johanna Mason. So… Prom dress shopping?"

I shrug switching legs, "If you want met here I'll voice my opinion," Annie frown's at this, "Sorry, I'm not the best at fashion advice but I'll tell you that you look pretty, and it makes your butt look nice?"

"I think she'd look good in green… No, orange," Madge takes my hand and examines my skin, "Are you always this tan?"

"Yeah, and I have a few green and orange shirts… I'll try and wear them…" I stand to stretch my thigh.

"I think Madge is asking you to prom," Finnick smirks.

I switch legs, and laugh, "I don't have money for a dress."

Peeta opens his mouth but Johanna speaks up, "Here comes the Incredible Hulk and his three cronies… Barbie looks pisssssed" she groans.

"I hear Dina is going for all of Katniss's records now," Annie whispers shifting uneasily.

"Like she stands a chance with that stick up her ass," Johanna quips loudly.

"Easy dyke," a blonde snaps, "We're here to see your new toy," I turn around and am met by a hulking blonde boy, taller than Peeta but with about the same muscle mass, a wild looking brunette about a head shorter than myself, a lanky, rather pissed off looking sandy blonde boy, and finally a platinum blonde Barbie who's inches from me.

"New toy?" I cross my arms.

"Yeah," she snaps her gum, "We were wondering if you'd like to sit with us at lunch, but then we saw your face and-" I grab a fistful of her shirt.

"What about my face?" I snap through my teeth, letting go instantly, not wanting to get the cops called on my first day.

"You want to fight bitch? You don't seem too good at it," she snaps her gum again.

"You should see the other two, and sure, how about right here?" I blade my body to her, something I learned on the streets, less of a target. The coach begins to head over and I drop down, sliding my leg back so it looks like I'm stretching.

"Thank you so much for the advice… Dina? I'll keep that in mind."

They're all confused, "Head outside, all of you, Glimmer, Cato, Marvel, Clove, stop…" he looks bothered, "Just play nice," I stand up straight as my foster brother and his friends lead me outside, I wink at the blonde before I leave, maybe I'll punch out a few of her teeth before I bounce to another home.

"That was…" Annie starts.

"Amazing, I hope you give her a shiner someday, lord knows she needs it," Gale remarks as we walk down the hall and outside.

"Nah, just run faster than, that's what Katniss always did," Peeta finally says.

"The only running experience I have is for the 6:51 bus and from the cops," I tell them, breathing in the clean spring air, we're on the track that surrounds the football field, I look down at my yellow uniform shirt. _Central Bucks HS West Bucks_, and the picture of a deer with big antlers over the breast. Maybe they had school spirit here?

"We've seen those thighs, if you're a slow runner, something's definitely off," I pull my shorts down a little, bruises on my thighs, have they seen them?

"As always, ladies first," A thin woman with bright blonde hair starts, the twelve or so girls in the class line up, Dina Glimmer giving me a dirty look, guess I shook her up, "On my whistle," my thighs burn for the exercise, they launch me to the head of the pack the second the whistle blows Dina by my side. It feels free, liberating, like I can fly, only I'm grounded, the first three laps go without incident, then Dina opens her mouth.

"So foster kid, you enjoying sucking the life out of another family?" she snaps, I ignore her, "Heard your daddy was a carjacker," again I ignore her, "the streets of Philly must be nice, taught you a lot of manners," we're approaching the last two hundred or so yards.

"Nawh, they did teach me something though, not to go fuck with someone until you know what they can do to ya," I push myself, with everything I have through the last hundred yards, finishing before Dina a full three seconds.

"5:11, 5:14," there's a good ten second pause before the rest of the girls finish.

"Bitch," she spits, shoving me to the ground, no one laughs or even moves, except the coach.

"You run track before?" I pick myself off the ground.

"No, I've run from the police enough though," I smirk while dusting my shirt off, Annie, Johanna and Madge are at my side, staring the pushy blonde down. Have I made friends? Or are they only here because I'm not afraid to break a skull?

"You… Come to my office after school, we'll talk," he turns to Glimmer, "You, principal's office, now!" he points back to the building. One day and I've found my own back-up, and made an enemy. Not too bad considering it's only about 10:30 am.

We sit on the football field as the boys go, Peeta, Finnick and Gale sticking to a pack close to the head of the group, their laughter echoing off the empty bleachers.

"Never run huh?" Annie is braiding my hair, I want to pull away, but I let her, for whatever reason I trust her, "That's why you're two seconds off the school record."

Johanna leans back, pulling her shirt up to tan her stomach, "I missed the bus a lot," I admitted, not wanting to say I had a habit of going to bust-able parties.

"So… Dress shopping tomorrow after school," Madge starts, joining Johanna tanning in the early April sun, it was unusually mild, not that I was complaining.

"And every day until the four of us find dresses," Annie secures my hair with a band and Johanna groans.

"Three of you," I correct.

"You're going, we'll pool our money together, maybe even Misses Mellark will pay." I look up at Peeta.

"I don't have a date, I don't…"

"Ask Peeta, you come into town and he's… Smiling again, laughing. I mean Katniss's death, then he and Delly spilt…"

"He said he'd love Kat forever at her funeral then shut down for a week, that's something…" Johanna says quietly.

"Yeah, but look, he's not one hundred percent, but something about you Katrina brings him back out of his shell, and I saw how he looked at you, I think he likes you."

I shrug, the only boy to ever _like_ me was Ronnie and even there we were fuck buddies at best, "I'll think about it… Or I'll go as a single with you guys?"

They nod, "Especially since we're going to the beach afterwards," Annie squeals.

"Yay, Annie and Finnick, the fish of C.B. West," Johanna waves as Annie blows a raspberry at her, "Real mature, anyway, time to hit the showers."

I borrowed shampoo, conditioner and body wash from Madge, scrubbing my body clean and ignoring the stares at my thin, damaged body. I hurried and dressed in my jeans, green camisole and black pullover before any more whispers could start.

"Should we wait for the boys for lunch?" we can hear their shouts in the locker room above us.

"Ugh no… Come on," Johanna pushes us towards lunch just as the bell rings.

"So what do you have next?" Johanna asks taking my schedule from my hand as I pick at my salad, "Ah choir… With Annie and Madge, your new BFF is there as well, so don't get in too many fights," the boys join us, Finnick shaking out his damp hair and flopping down next to, "God damnit Aquaman, I'm sure Annie doesn't mind a red hair in her mouth from time to time but what about the rest of us!"

He just shrugs and winks at his girlfriend whose beet red.

"So who are you going to prom with Madge?" Annie asked finishing off a bowl of soup and French fries.

She blushes, "Oh… I… Um… RyanMellark," she says quietly in one breath before Peeta chokes on his soda, "We're going to his senior prom the week after that as well."

"My brother? Seriously Madge?" he rolls his eyes, "Good luck with that one…"

"What? Ryan's a gentleman and…"

Peeta and I exchanged looks remembering the belching at the kitchen table the night before coming from both twins.

Madge and Annie seem to have a telepathic connection because as if rehearsed they lean into Peeta, "Who are _you_ going to prom with?" Madge asks, batting her eyelashes.

"Not going," he says taking another drink.

"You have to go!" Annie begs, "Come on, we'll all be there, the ladies will be looking foxy as ever, you boys well…"

"They'll clean up," Johanna adds.

"You'll clean up, come on…" she begs.

"I don't have a date, if you didn't realize it someone's missing here, well, two people," his eyes grow dark.

"You're too good for Delly anyway, and would Katniss want you wallowing in self-pity not enjoying your own prom? No I think not! You're going!" Madge scolds.

"Yeah… with who," everyone looks at me. Were they all in on this.

Oh fine, "With me?" I ask quietly, but my voice cracks, so I clear my throat, "With me?" I ask louder, "Come on, I'm new, you're handsome," stupid mouth, stupid, "It has the makings of a perfect ABC family movie," I wink a little, draining my milk.

Peeta stares at me dumbfounded, "Yeah sure, isn't the guy supposed to ask the girl though?"

I just shrug, "You were taking too long, Annie's been kicking me under the table since you sat down to ask," she tapped me once but a little lie works for dramatic affect. The guys less Peeta, and Johanna head to shop class while Annie and Madge go to the bathroom I tell them I'll catch up.

"You don't have to go with me you know… You can ask whoever you want," he looks up at me his eyes confused.

"To be honest? I _want_ to go with you. You're like… this strange enigma, everything you do is like her, your answer in History, the fact that you ran the same exact time as her today, how you pick the cheese off your pizza and eat it last, even your eyes… It's like you're her, just in a different body," he shakes his head.

"Sorry… Just Katrina here, with a lot of similarities to your friend…"

"You must think I'm crazy, seeing all these traits from someone who's…" he winces, "…who's gone in you… Ugh," he runs his fingers through his hair, "I'm sorry… I'll stop."

"Peeta!" I take his hand, that warmth from the car there again, it's like a jolt of electricity, jumps between us, "You talk _way_ too much. It's fine, trust me. She meant a lot to you, she always will."

He looks up at me and smiles, his fingers laced with mine, "Wait, we're going to do this properly, no under the table kicks, no plots from our friends."

"Our?"

"Yeah, you saw how they liked you, anyway. Katrina, will you go to prom with me?"

I roll my eyes as he kisses my hand, his soft lips make me jump a little, "Yes Peeta, I'll go to prom with you," I pull my hand away and stand, "Now come on, I'm trying to not be late to class on my first day… I usually wait a week before that starts."

He rolls his eyes, "You cut class, my mom'll kill you," I bite my lip, "Ugh sorry… Kat…"

"It's fine," we've reached the art room, where Peeta has class now, "I'll see you in English?"

"See you then, don't pick fights," he points to his eyes then to me, his eyes are on me.

And I can't really complain.


	5. My Strange Dream

**Two new chapters in like 5 minutes? Wooooooo!**

I'm late to choir but the teacher doesn't seem to mind, I take a seat in the back of the class, the room being split into four levels, short rises so when everyone stands the people in the back can see and be seen, "Took you long enough," I smile at Annie.

"I was preoccupied," Madge and her share an 'oooo' before the teacher comes in. He's a talk dark man with very short hair.

"Good afternoon everyone," Mister Cinna greats, "We have a new…" he flips through his papers, "student with us today… Katrina?" I wave a little.

"Ah there you are," he motions for me to come forward. Awesome…

I stand in front of the class, marks form my abuse to show, "Tell us about yourself," I look down at my sneakers.

"Not much to say," I have so much to tell, so many stories, but none I want to share. None I can share…

"Alright… What about favorite music… What do you like to listen to?"

This I could answer, "I love Mumford and Sons, oh! and Adele," I go back to my shoes, "I had their CD's back home," all of my possessions were evidence seeing as they were bought with drug money.

Cinna nods and smiles, "Good choices, now I need to pull you aside and put you in a section, it'll just take a few minutes," he pulls out of the room and into a smaller room with a piano and closes the door.

"This must be very hard on you, the move and everything," I nod as he sits down at the piano, his skillful fingers playing the beginning of _Someone Like You_.

I wait a few frames before I open my mouth, "I heard, you're settled down… That you've found a girl, and you're married now… I heard that you dreams came true… Guess she gave you things, didn't give to you," I tahe a breath, "Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back from the light…"

I wonder when he'll have heard enough of my bad singing to send me to another class, but I continue, admittedly enjoying this, "I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I hoped you would see my face and that you'd be reminded, that for me it isn't over…"

There's a pause in his playing as I reach the chorus, "Never mind, I'll find, someone like you… I wish nothing but the best for you, too. 'Don't forget me,' I begged. I remember you said sometimes it lasts in live, but sometimes it hurts instead…" he finishes playing.

"Beautiful…" I dig into the ground looking down, "I could put you in either alto or soprano… But I have a chair open in soprano," I nod, "So you don't have to move your seat. Hang back a little today we practice after school once a week, every Wednesday from three to four."

I nod and head back to the room and to my seat.

I study the sheet music during the class only singing when he's giving me specific instructions. We're singing _Phantom of the Opera_, I didn't hear the song ever before this day, it's so haunting and beautiful.

I manage to find English on my own, taking the free seat next to Peeta, "Well, you don't have a black eye," he picks up my hand and examines my knuckles, "Or bloody knuckles… Choir went well?"

Nod looking at the stains on his hand, "Painting?" I ask turning his palm over, he grins and nods.

My back pack grows heavier and heavier throughout the day full of books Peeta tells me to not bother putting in my locker unless I don't need them at night.

The bell rings at 2:30 ending the day, and a mind numbing math class about the use of the formula that measures the area of a circle.

"I have to go talk to coach Abernathy," I sling my backpack over my shoulder, "Are we still going to the park?" he just nods.

"I'll text one of them that we're running late?"

"You don't have to go with me I'm not… totally lost?"

He grins, it warms me up, "One yes you are, and two you don't have a cellphone, I can't let you out of my sight or you may get lost," I roll my eyes.

"Come on…"

I'm lead by Peeta to Coach Abernathy's office right outside the locker rooms. On the wall are several track trophies and a framed picture of the girls track. I see her, Katniss, she's beaming her tight black shirt with the word "West" across the chest only different from the rest by the C at the top. Captain?

Her name was everywhere in this room, well mostly on a two sided chart listing various track events, most of which Katniss Everdeen held the record.

"I'm not going to bullshit sweetheart, I want you on the track team. Looks good on college applications," was I going to college? "You're a great runner, gets you out of class a few times for meets, actually six times to be exact." It's not that that persuades me, it's the freedom I felt while running.

"Yeah, I'll do it," the old man's face lights up.

"Great we have practice Tuesday's and Thursday's, meets Friday and sometimes Saturday. One second," he dials his phone, "Hey princess, get in here," he hangs up and before long a haggard looking woman comes in, she's a platinum blonde, short as anything, and oddly familiar.

"This is Miss Trinket, she's the cheerleading coach but she helps out with women's track. This Effie, is going to be our new record setter," I shake the woman's hand.

"Nice to meet you, now if I could get back? Those girls are going to break their necks! Ugh!" Abernathy rolls his eyes.

"Women… Am I right?" I let out a nervous laugh.

"Can I uh… Go? I have, something," he looks up, seeing Peeta outside.

"Good to see Mellark out of his shell again, thought we were going to lose another," he spins around on his chair, "Tell him I expect him at wrestling practice tomorrow, sixteen year olds don't make varsity every year," he says loud enough for Peeta to hear as I leave the room.

"Erm… That," Peeta just shrugs, biting his thumbnail.

"He's just mad because my brothers are leaving for college this year," we walk out to the student lot were everyone's waiting with the addition of a younger girl.

Her blond hair is down in two braids and she looks up at me, her eyes growing immediately sad, "What did I do wrong?" I whisper to Peeta while we're still out of earshot.

"That's Katniss's baby sister, Primrose, you kind of look like her from afar, especially with that hair, she always braided her hair…"

"Hi I'm…"

Primrose opens her mouth, "Katrina, they were telling me about you," the girl, no older than thirteen looked at me apprehensively before hugging me kind of like a limp fish, she lingered for a second, "It was nice meeting you Katrina, but I have to go home and help my mom, tell Aunt Hazelle and Uncle Steve we'll be there Friday," Gale nods and she ran off with a wave, and I couldn't help but notice her shirt bunched up in the back like a duck tail.

The park was outside of town, about a five minute drive after the last of many car dealerships as quaint buildings turned to a lush green forest.

I felt that tugging on my heart, I've never felt more at home.

Peace Valley Park was an eight mile track that bordered a manmade lake tucked away in a lush forest with several over grown meadows and rolling hills, it seemed to make my blood sing.

"I've been living in the wrong place my whole life," I told no one in particular as we got out of the car.

There were people running with their dogs, riding bikes and pushing large expensive strollers packed with kids who'd never know what it's like to go hungry or bounce from home to home never knowing the love of a parent.

"Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right," Finnick told me, I just nod, glad that they're not weird about the whole foster kid thing. Maybe they were just humoring me...

I could hear the honking of geese on the water and the occasional splash as a man threw a toy in the water for a Labrador to retrieve.

"Suburbs strange enough for you city girl?" Gale asks joining me in the shade, everyone else was throwing around a frisbee.

"How could you tell?" I lean back on my arms and look at the sunlight through the leaves.

"Well, you look at everything as if it's going to jump out at you, or that you recognize it, but can't remember where from," I shrug.

"I just make comparisons to the city everywhere I go. Like at school today? Kids actually listen, and try. _I_ even try," I chuckle, "My last teacher, in Philly, I told to fuck off before running out of the school."

"You do that here Lisa Mellark will bite your head off, she's a good woman, but she wants the best for her kids, no matter how they're put in her life…"

I open my mouth, "Watch out!" Johanna shouts as the red disk coming straight for us, I wince preparing for the hit but a gust of wind carries it up into the top branches of the large oak we sit under.

"Damnit Jo! That's three!" I stand up looking at the tree as everyone gathers to contemplate how to get it back.

"I got it," the only climbing experience I had was up and down Ronnie's fire escape and a few chain-link fences. I could even get over barbed wire with little to no injury. This was new territory, but I was up in the strong green branches before I could think twice. I seemed to know just how to get up to the next branch, every shift of my footing.

"Be careful, we don't need you breaking your neck on your first day," I roll my eyes and pull myself up one more. The wood gets dryer and the leaves brown but with a shake it seems as if the branch will hold my weight. I grab the disk and drop it to the ground where Madge catches it before shifting my weight.

There's a loud crack as the dried branch I trusted with my weight gives under my feet. What's another broken bone?

I don't hit the ground though, "You can open your eyes you know," I crack one eye open not realizing the movement had stopped, Peeta's brow was furrowed, "Here you have a caterpillar in your hair," I can see it, the inching furry little worm crawling up a loose piece of my bangs.

I panic, flailing my arms and legs knocking us both to the ground, "Get it out! Get it out! Get it out!" I hate bugs. _Hate_ bugs.

"Stop freaking out then, you're the one that climbed up a tree with a nest in it," I look up and see the webby mass that looks a lot like spider webs. That must be the nest…

"Here…" he puts the bug on my hand and laughs as I suck in air, "See, he's not so bad."

"Ew! Just get it away!" I squeal trying to pull my hand from Peeta's warm grasp, he picks the creature off and sets it on a leaf, chuckling at me the whole time.

She came to me in my dreams, Katniss.

"_You're dead…" _there was a gold light coming from her heart like a leash onto my body, _"you can't be in my room…"_

She just smiles, and gives me a glair, "_I was dead…" _she walks up to me, we're floating above my sleeping body.

"_Was? You don't seem very alive to me, I can see through you…_"

She looks at me, a knowing smile on her face, I watch her eyes, stare at my heart where there is no gold cord to a body. I'm a disembodied spirit, _"I wasn't really alive… Until I died. It sounds like a load of bullshit, I know. I'm not sure if these are my thoughts or your left over thoughts… I have your memories, all of them, but mine are coming back, slowly… Now they're just kind of bits of nostalgia… Like how we felt in the park today…"_ there's a thump that comes from Peeta's room andshe walks forward, through the dresser then the wall. I have to follow her_,_ though she's not hard to find with the bright gold light. She floats above Peeta's bed where he sleeps, his pillow held tightly in his arms, knuckles white and face contorted in pain.

"_He's having a nightmare…"_she says glumly sitting on the edge of the bed, "_I was the only one who knew about them,"_ she looks up, her ghostly silver eyes studying me.

"_Why are you telling me all of this?"_

"_Because I don't know who I am, you have to remember…"_ I don't question her.

"_We were eleven at the time, it was just after a hurricane and the creek leading into Peace Valley was flooded. I still don't know why he was there but I lived right by the park… I saw his red jacket in the water… He was drowning… I pulled him to safety and well…" _she looks up, smiling, _"Breathed life into him…"_

"_He's afraid of water?"_

"_Not as much as before… And I only know of the nightmares because…" she smiles sadly, "That doesn't matter now. He watched me die… That's what he sees now," she placed her spectral hand on his forehead._

"_Peeta… Wake up…" _she whispered lovingly, his eyes snap open,_ "Everything is going to be ok, I'm finding my way to you, slowly… Like that day at the park," _she strokes his hair though her fingers lightly penetrate his skull, "_I just have to remember…" _she rests her forehead against his and he seems to calm.

"_What do you mean?"_ she just gives me a sad smile.

"_I don't have a lot of time… This," _she motions between us,_ "Cost me a lot, I'll need to spend a few days laying low, you may feel some fatigue, or confusion. It's all natural… Well, supernatural, but you're doing great, helping them, setting things right. Prim will come around the bakery more to see you… She sees me in you." _She gets up and walks to the mirror her silver eyes meeting my dark brown eyes in the reflective glass. Peeta has since fallen asleep, "_Protect her until I can, she's so young… But had to grow up so fast… Oh and for dresses tomorrow, don't get anything green."_

"_Green?"_

"_No, I was buried in green, even if Madge insists put your foot down, go for something bold, something red," _she grins, her pale face and silver eyes lighting up, she fixes her spectral honey brown hair, _"Don't be afraid to go to him," _she tells me before taking my hand as the cord pulls her to my body, we sink in together but I feel a sense of being an invader in my skin.

My eyes snap open, it's 2 am, and now I'm sure I'm crazy, dreaming of dead girls. I hear a groan in the next room, "Peeta…" I mouth, opening my window and crawling onto the fire escape without a second thought, his window is wide open, like it was in the dream.

"_Don't be afraid to go to him…" _her voice tells me as I cross the short distance from his window to his bed I lay on top of the sheets between him and the wall, my arm snaked around his waist. He relaxes at my touch, "Everything's going to be ok…" I whisper, still confused, though it felt so right.

At 5:30 a crash downstairs woke me up, though my companion slept through it having grown up around the early morning noise I was sure, at some point he rolled over and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I slip from his grasp and tiptoe to the window just as Lisa knocks on the door.

"Peeta, your dad needs you downstairs, time to get up," he groans and looks up, his sleepy eyes find mine just as I have one leg out the window.

"I'm sorry," I mutter crawling across the fire escape and into my room, crying by the time I get to my room, how can I explain this? I'll surely be sent away now…

I hear water running in the bathroom and his heavy footsteps down the stairs before I hear his laughter, light and carefree… I pull my covers to my nose and try to fall back to sleep, instead I decide to get up before Lisa has a chance to knock on my door.

"Good morning!" she chirps as I come into the kitchen and pour myself some coffee, "Want some breakfast? Thomas ordered extra goat cheese so I was going to make omelets, though the twins aren't getting up any time soon…"

"Senior skip day?" I ask sipping at my coffee.

She beats eggs, not waiting for my answer, "The third one this month," she groans and pours the yellow eggs into the pan, "I swear, they'll never graduate like this," I play with my wet hair, I'd probably never graduate either. Peeta'll tell his dad he woke up with me in his room and they'll send me packing, I'll have another name in my shoe by the end of the week.

"She sets down my plate in front of me, two pieces of toast, creamy white cheese and pieces of green spinach poke out the sides. I can't help it, I dig in.

The cheese is tangy and absolutely perfect, "I think this might be the best thing I've ever eaten," I admit once I've finished, she just chuckles as one of the twins stumbles down the hall.

"Katrina?" Lisa asks me as I drain my coffee, "Could you bring this down to Peeta?" I gulp, "He didn't have breakfast before he went to work, and he has practice today."

I nod as the one twin slams his head on the table, "Shiiiiiiiiit," he hisses before sitting up, "Ryan!"

There's a pause before he takes a deep breath, "Ryan!" he shouts.

"What!"

"Get your ass up, we have practice today, and if we skip again coach'll rent us out to cheerleading again!" I hear thumping from down the hall but pick up the plate meant for Peeta and head downstairs, winding the corner and entering the warm bakery. I tap Peeta's shoulder lightly as he kneads a ball of dough, he looks over his shoulder as I set the plate down.

"Your mother wanted me to bring this… I can… I can go..." I hang my head but his flour covered hand grips my wrist. I try to pull away but he's stronger, I flinch, "I'm sorry please don't hurt me."

He studies me for a second, then softens, "Why did you come in my room last night?"

I relax, but don't make eye contact, what do I say? I had a dream were your dead friend told me about your nightmares and told me to go to you? That would make me crazy!

"You were having a bad dream… I heard you," I tell him quietly, but a sane person wouldn't crawl into bed with someone, "I just did what I would want someone to do for me…" I admit.

He sits down and begins to eat, "How did you know about my nightmares?" he asks glumly.

'I dreamt about your dead friend and she told me' yet again, crazy.

"I told you, I _heard_ you," I sat down across form him, he's still unconvinced, "Maybe someone told me… In a dream that you needed my help," I say quietly, "Never mind... it doesn't matter…" I stand up, "You don't have to worry about it ever happening again," I turn to leave, picking up his empty plate but he grabs my hand. I look down at his lost puppy-dog eyes. He wasn't built to deal with the hurt like I was.

"Kat, wait… Don't… don't go," I nod and take my seat again, "To be honest… It was nice holding you…" I blushed and looked out the window at the rising sun, "I woke up and you were there, holding me, figured might as well," he continues working as I watch the muscles in his arms flex, "So who told you to come to my aid?" he asks cocking an eyebrow, pulling me from my trance.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you… Ok?" I checked my reflection in his spoon, I managed to pull back my black mane into a loose bun to look nice with the black long sleeve and jeans I was wearing. My eyebrow's could use some attention but I'd ignore them until I could get my hands on a pair of tweezers. Finally down to the feature everyone told me made me look dangerous… My dark brown eyes… Only, the eyes staring back at me were steel grey. I set the spoon down, the color draining from my face.

"Katrina?"

I stand up, "I-I have to get ready for school…" I mumble running from the shop and upstairs to my room, locking the door behind me so I can examine my face in the mirror. I pulled at my lids, put my face almost flush with the mirror, sure enough my dark chocolate eyes were now steel grey.

I felt the tug on my heart, "Remember…" I whisper, but it wasn't my whisper.

"Get out of my head," I sunk to the floor, my hands at my temples, "Stop, if you're haunting me, it's not funny girl," I hiss quietly, no one needs to hear this.

"Remember…" I whisper again, before the tugging goes away.


	6. My New Mission

**I'm happy to inform you all that this is FINALLY not a filler chapter, well... Kind of.**

"No, no, no! Not pink! She'll look like Barbie's multi-cultural friend," I rolled my eyes as Johanna and Annie argued about what color to start with for me, "You know, the one with the prettier face but your mom wouldn't buy for you because she wasn't white and blonde," everyone stared at Johanna who's crass personality was beginning to grow on me.

"How about red?" I suggested, remembering what I was told in my kind of psychotic dream. They had me in every manor of dress, from fluffy princess to short mini dress before we finally found a winner. It was long and sleek with only one shoulder. I ran my fingers over the silver beading on the shoulder strap and the X like pattern it made under my breasts.

"Perfect… I wish I had your curves," I twirled around, feeling the fabric cling to my body, watching the silver beads reflect the light.

I wasn't allowed to pay, I wasn't even allowed to argue or ask how funded a two hundred dollar dress for a total stranger… But it wasn't entirely for me, it was for Peeta. I couldn't bring the dress home today, it needed to be shortened considerably having been made for a six foot tall Amazonian, not five foot three inch me.

"We're going to go grab something to eat in town… You joining us Kat?" Annie asked closing the door to Madge's car who lived in the borough of Doylestown.

I shook my head, "I think I should get back to the Mellark's… erm home, thank you though," we were a short walk from main street, "I'll see you at school?"

Madge hugged me tightly, "Look both ways crossing Main, people blow that red light all the time."

"Thanks mom," I teased, hugging back, ruffling her hair a little before throwing my backpack over my shoulder.

I heard banging and thumps as I walked up the stairs to the Mellark's house, "Get your ball sack out of my face Ryan!" I threw open the door though it bumped into Ryan pinning Peeta to the ground, his groin in his face.

"Seriously?" I asked stepping over them, I proved to be enough of a distraction to give Peeta the upper hand. I sat on the back of the couch next to a perched Andrew.

"Ten bucks on Peeta," Andrew whispers in my ear as a leg knocks over a lamp.

"I'm not taking that bet, I don't' have any money… How'd this start?"

He just shrugged, "Same as always, one jumped on the other… You should join in, throw'em a curve ball," I gawked at the brawl, they were both laughing but in a street fight the one on the ground is usually the loser, paying in blood or his or her life.

"I'll jump on the winner," he puts his arm around my shoulders, "Let you pick off the scraps."

"I like the way you think kid…"

"Uncle… Rwagh! Uncle!" Ryan cried as Peeta bent his arm over his knee, the elbow bending as far as it could.

"Ready?" Andrew asked, I nodded as Peeta stood, "Threetwoone go!" in a matter of seconds Andrew had dove for Ryan, knocking him back to the ground and I launched myself onto Peeta's back, not knowing what I was doing from there.

He seemed shocked at first as my legs wrapped around his torso and my hands clutched to his muscular shoulders but he regained his barring, "They'll go at it until my parents pull them apart… Where to Madame?"

"Excuse me? It's mademoiselle… And… Erm… My room?"

It was amazing, every other exchange I had with the opposite sex was for the purpose of well, intercourse, with Peeta it was something more, not brotherly as it probably should…

But I felt so perfectly natural around him.

* * *

We fell into a natural groove, Peeta and I. We would leave for school around seven, meet up with everyone before dispersing to class, finally at 2:30 we'd walk home if we didn't have something after class (Which was only Monday and Friday's right now) every other day I'd finish up track or choir and watch the end of his wrestling practice.

Finally after dinner we'd park somewhere and finish whatever homework we didn't get done throughout the day. Our groove was comfortable, nothing could disrupt it, not my strange dreams, or his nightmares.

And for once I was at home, I actually felt like I belonged somewhere. I thought I had over a year to feel at home here, that nothing could threaten my happy bubble, or the natural groove of my now simple suburban life…

That was until I received a letter from Graterford, the state prison my father was serving his sentence at.

Thomas came up the stairs, flipping through the various magazines, bills and junk mail of the day before setting the envelope down in front of me while Peeta and I attempted to write our essay's for history class.

"Know anyone in Graterford?" he asked idly, ripping open a bill.

"My pops…" I gingerly opened it, as if any sudden movement would make the thing explode.

_Trina,_

_You should come visit your old man sometimes._

_-Dad_

I gulped, "How… how did he find this address?" I asked, my voice cracking a little.

Thomas shrugged, "You're not in protective custody from him, only your mother and stepfather, technically he would have custody over you if he were released before your eighteenth birthday," I swallowed hard, nodding.

"That… that would be impossible… That couldn't happen," I felt the room spin, the screams piercing my ears, they weren't actually here, only in my head… Only in my memory, "I'm going to go for a walk…" I mumble bolting out the door before anyone could stop me. I needed to get out, get some fresh air… anything. I walked until I reached the Michener Museum easily climbing over the stone wall and dropping the ten or so feet to the dirt below, there was no grass for a good few feet, probably because this spot never got any sunlight. I kicked at a rock, reading the simple letter over and over as I made my way to a picnic table under the tree, standing on the top so I could pull myself up in the branches, feeling as if any minute something would pounce on me.

I winced as the rough bark scraped and dug into my hands and struggled to hoist my leg over some of the thicker branches but soon I was up in the tall branches reading over the letter, as if I was expecting something to change.

Why would he write me now?

Then I remembered…

My father was eligible for parole this year.

I tore up the paper into as many tiny pieces as I could before dropping them to the ground, no he couldn't be eligible! He shot a man! He force fed my mother heroin to keep her dependent on him… He was in prison for the last ten years…

I watched the sunset through the branches until my world grew dark.

I walked through the lonely streets of Doylestown, shops were closing, teenagers that have come to town to hang out have retreated to their safe cozy homes. The kind my father would take from me…

I didn't want to go back. I _liked_ it here. I _loved_ sleeping in an actual bed, not getting hit, feeling safe in my own home… Even if it was for a short time, this place was now my home…

Thomas and Lisa were seated at the kitchen table when I entered, "Feeling any better?" he asked, I just shook my head, "Why don't you have a seat?"

I felt tears pushing at my eyes as I sat down. I knew what I had to do, there were so many maybe's… I needed answers.

"Could one of you… Since I can't drive or get in without my guardian… Take me to see my father on Saturday?" I tugged at my sleeves, afraid to make eye contact.

"Of course honey…" a loving hand was placed on my arm and I flinched waiting for the hit that would never come, "And listen, if there is any reason you would fear for your safety in your father's custody, in the off chance he's paroled…"

I nod, "Tell my social worker so they can still put me back in his custody like they did with my momma when she got out," the dam broke and I slammed my hand on the table, "because he's probably a model inmate and he's changed so much" I hiss bitterly, crossing my arms over my chest and sinking into the chair, "Maybe he'll go to Puerto Rico and live with his folk," I raise my arms in the air, "He can do all the car jacking's and heroin he wants there!"

I rest my head on the table, my rant almost over, "¿Por qué oh por qué no puedo vivir fácilmente?"

Thomas chuckles, "I'm sorry Katrina, we didn't get that…" he squeezes my shoulder lightly, "But all you can do is see what he wants, we'll call your social worker in the morning, maybe she'll swing by since you have your physical in the morning…"

I just nod, "I think I'm just going to lay down… I'll be out for dinner," I push my chair in quietly walking down the dark hallway full of pictures of a loving family. I was never given that until I came here… Maybe I could give it to some kid someday…

I flopped down on my bed, neglecting to close the door as I felt for a scar in my mid-section, thin and delicate.

"Hey…" I didn't open my eyes, I knew it was Peeta.

"Hey… You can come in…" I continued tracing the scar, I could feel the glass in my side. The thick kind car windows are made of.

I heard his heavy footsteps and felt the bed shift as he sat down next to me, "You ok Kat?" his warm fingers brushed some hair away from my stitches, stitches I was getting out tomorrow.

"I've… I've never felt… home before…" I whisper, still tracing the scar, "Until now…"

I open my eyes, he's lying next to me staring at the fan, our legs hang over the bed only just touching, "He might not get custody of you maybe…"

"That's not how my luck works…"

He nudged me, "Maybe your luck's changing? You did get a 100 on that history test you weren't here for the material for."

I smiled, I didn't even cheat on that one, "Why are your parents foster parents?" I ask, without thinking taking his hand in mine, we don't lace fingers, just cup each other's hands.

"My aunt and uncle are in the Navy…" he says quietly, "My aunt had her two daughters, my cousin Maggie and Teresa before she met my uncle. When they were deployed again they knew if something happened there was a chance the kids could go into the system. My parents signed up just in case so the courts couldn't argue giving them to my mom and dad…"

I nod, it kind of made sense, "This is the first time someone's laid a hand on you and you didn't flinch," I blush a little.

"When I was eight… In my second home…"

"The Scotts?"

"Yeah…" I shudder, was a really about to tell him this? "They had me wash the dishes one night, and the water was so hot, my hands were burning, but I couldn't turn the taps down, Misses Scott wanted them as clean as my dirty hands could make them… The soap was so slippery…" I looked up at my still small hands, "I dropped one of her dishes, chipping it. She took me by the hair and locked me in the closet with no food or water for the next day… After slapping me first until my mouth bled…"

"Oh shit…" he squeezed my hand.

"When my mom would hit me as a child, it was only once… When I talked back, or when I did something wrong… That was my first actual beating… Ever since then…" I shrugged.

"Katrina… no one here is going to hit you… Well… Glimmer might want to, actually she may someday… Ugh, I'm not helping…" I turned my head to look at him, his arm thrown over his eyes.

"You actually are… I've never told anyone that…"

"Not even CPS?"

"No… I was afraid they'd hit me harder next time…" I traced the scar again and again and again until, enough for Peeta to notice and ask me about it, "It's from the night my father was arrested… I was five at the time. My father's only source of income was from a chop shop he ran with Ronnie… erm… My… Let's call him… My guy I used for physical things though he had a girlfriend and was five years my senior… well his dad," I turn my head back to him, "Don't judge me…"

"I'm not… I'm judging _him_."

"Well… My pops was hotwiring a car when the owner came up and… I was already in the front seat… He shot and glass fell cutting from here," I start at the top, "to here..." I roll onto my side, "the cops came and took him away, five days later my mother was busted for prostitution and a few other things like drug possession and what not," I waved it off, "Next thing I know I'm in my first home…" I sigh, facing him, "And that's the sad pathetic story of me…"

* * *

_Katniss_

"Effie? Effie! Damnit! For my escort you sure are late all the time…" I look down at my new body sleeping like a baby I haven't had this much control over my spirit in over a week, since I pulled the remaining bits of Katrina's subconscious together like I had to so it could be released and move on… But her damn pride kept her attached but only just.

"Sorry! And I'm impressed on how far you've gotten with her…" we watch the sleeping body, it's currently soulless so if someone tried to wake me it would possibly groan from Katrina's remaining bits, but would never rouse, "Crane is almost regretting letting you come back, with how strong your spirit is" she shrugged, "Too late now!"

I nod, slowly, "Is there anything I can do to speed this up?"

"Unfortunately no… When you go into her body the remaining bits of her take you over until you sleep… When you sleep you're Katniss, when your mind is awake you're Katrina. Images flash in my mind, a deep memory of Katrina's that's flashing through our mind, "You'd have to find a way to jog your memory in there… I've seen it done with home movies… or…"

"My journal!" I float down to my body and reach into the head, pulling out Katrina's subconscious, she remembered the red dress instructions.

"Wha… oh not you again!" she snapped.

"Katrina, I need you to listen to me, and listen good… In my bedroom, under the floorboard just under my bed are four journals… I need you to get them. Read them… I need to remember…" all of my out of body nights increased my risk of _Shading_ which was ghost speak for turn into a poltergeist and make everyone's life a living hell twenty four seven as I haunted them until their dying day. I couldn't stop leaving my body at night though since we weren't fully fused yet… Her strong mind which refused to submit threw me out every night, weakening me more and more…

"What? How? I can't just ask your mom and dad to let me in your room I-"

She was right… she'd have to go at lunch, "My house is empty during the day, go at lunch… The code for our garage door is five three one seven, there's a hide a key for the front door under the third rock from the door on your left side, for the back door it's in the place where the propane tank is for the grill… My room is the first one at the top of the stairs…"

She cocks an eyebrow, about to argue, "You have to do this! I have to remember!" I plead, I couldn't shade, I just couldn't… I couldn't become a lost soul wandering and making everyone's life a living hell. As always I had the opportunity to move on, to abandon this, but Katrina, whose spirit had happily moved on according to Effie, would die, I couldn't do that to everyone. Though if I shaded she'd die anyway.

"I… I can't I…"

"You have to… I have to remember, for us, you're too strong, I have to remember!"

* * *

**Everyone loves a good B and E (breaking and entering)**


	7. My B and E

I'm basically naked on the table at the doctor's office as the stitches that once pieced my broken skin together are removed. I was already X Rayed for both evidence against my mother and her husband, and to make sure my hands were no longer brittle and riddled with fractures.

"Everything appears to be healing nicely, how's your head? Any headaches, hallucinations," Yeah… I was seeing a dead girl in my dreams who told me the night before to break into her house and steal her journals from under the floor boards.

"Nope," I shivered a little as the last thread was pulled from my back. There was only one way to find out whether or not this wasn't all in my head… I was going to break into the Everdeen's home.

"I can drop you off at school," Lisa offered as I strapped my bag to my back. I shook my head.

"Nah, it's nice out I think I want to walk," she smiled, it was about 11:30, I would be in lunch now.

"Here's your note, I'll see you at dinner," I stuff the note in my backpack and head outside, I'm not sure how I know my way to the Everdeen's, it's on the way to school… And a few streets over but before I know it I'm in front of a mailbox stuffed animals and burned out candles surrounding it. This had to be the one. The street was empty, no one in their yards, no one walking, I walked around back, up onto their deck and opened the small door in the side of the grill where a key was resting just under the tank.

The door opened silently and I was in.

_Hisssss_

A scraggly looking cat perched on the kitchen island warned, I was an intruder in his home, "Shut up!" I snap making my way upstairs.

First door.

Her room is almost empty, the only thing in the room a brass bed, and a photo on her nightstand, her and Prim on the beach. The floor boards creaked a little just emphasizing how old the Everdeen's home is. Her room smells faintly of lavender and vanilla but there is no remnant of the girl who slept her once before, it's void of life, only the two grinning faces watching me pull up a floorboard to reveal a shoe box.

Inside were four marble composition books, Katniss Everdeen's journals…

My heart skipped a beat, the ones she wanted me to find in my dream. The ones I _had_ to find for her to "remember" whatever that meant.

I was almost shocked at how easy this was to get in and out of this house. It only took me five minutes to get in and out, lock the door and return the key before I was on my way to school.

Sixth period, I stumbled into English, taking my seat next to Peeta, "Hey there, barely recognize you without all the stitches in your forehead," I blush a little pushing my bangs over my forehead, "Finnick and Annie have swim meets tonight at East… or is it South," he scratched the back of his head, "Either way, want to go?"

"Well… Seeing as it's Friday and I don't really have any other plans… Sure…"

Central Bucks East was a short drive outside of town, surrounded by lush green trees… Only East didn't have a stadium… According to Peeta this lead to a lot of grief since East and West, rival schools) had to share a stadium for Football games.

"I think I have to come here for track tomorrow…" I dug through my backpack sitting in the passenger seat of Peeta's seldom used Jeep, my fingers brushing over the journals, the journals Peeta could _never _find out about. No one could ever know I broke into the Everdeen's, they'd send me to juvie in a heartbeat, "Yeah… There it is, my first track meet, eight am tomorrow morning," I furrowed my brow, Saturday was sleep in day, "Do you mind… Erm, driving me?"

Peeta smiles as he parks the car next to Johanna, Gale and Madge, "My parents already claimed that honor," my jaw dropped, "What? You didn't think they'd be there? Please Katrina… besides, they're driving you to see your dad after…" I nod, my mouth forming an _oh._

The stands sat above the pool filled with red white and blue clad teenagers with _C.B. East Patriots_ on their shirts, naturally we weren't welcome. Unfortunately there were three familiar faces, Cato, Glimmer and Marvel. Thankfully they don't say anything.

I'm not sure how someone _wins _a swim meet, I assume it's a lot like track where the best time wins. As the boys get in position Johanna leans over the railing, "Show'em who's boss you stupid squid!" she shouts, as Finnick pulls down his goggles, he looks up at her, giving her the finger before crouching down.

It was humid in the room, hot and muggy forcing me to pull my button up over my head so I didn't soak it with sweat. I felt his eyes on me, not Peeta's, but Cato's, burning with either anger or desire. I shivered, feeling disgusting under his gaze.

Instead I leaned into Peeta, staking a claim I couldn't, but hopefully it would put Cato off enough to leave me be. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, cheering for Finnick with Gale, Johanna, and Madge. In the end Finnick barely managed first, but it was a win for his school, our school.

I could barely focus on the meet with Cato's eyes burning a hole into my back, "Hey… I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'll be back…" I told Peeta heading out of the viewing deck, away from the humidity into the chilly school air.

"Well well well," a hand on my shoulder pushed me into the dark red lockers. One hand pinned me to the locker the other rested above my head so Cato's massive body could trap me here, "You're looking… less like a character from a Tim Burton movie today," I cocked an eyebrow.

"Who?"

"There's a lot I could teach you…" his hand leaves my shoulder and strokes my cheek, they're callus and forceful, like my step-father's. I begin panting in fear which he mistakes as arousal.

"Don't touch me… Get your hands off me…" I whisper, unable to find my voice, his fingers trace my exposed collar bones, "Please, get your hands off me!" I cry, my body remembering the painful touch of my mother's husband.

"I don't think so… You're too… Pretty to let go, I'll make you mine…" his fingers traced from my collar bones to my cleavage.

"Peeta!" I scream, the only person I know will be able to get me out of here, "Peeta! Gale! Someone!" I squeeze my eyes shut hearing footsteps, Cato's hands have since left my breast and framed my body, his massive form towering over me. The weight is away from me and I'm pulled from the lockers to Madge's chest.

"It's ok…" she coo's as my panicked breaths slowed, I look up Peeta has Cato pinned against the locker.

"Doesn't feel so good does it?" he shouts, "She's half your size you piece of shit! If you're going to assert your dominance do it to someone who isn't ten weight classes under you," Cato looks from Peeta, to Gale, then back at Johanna, who's rubbing my back, Madge who's vice like arms are barely letting me breathe, and me, cowering in the blonde girl's embrace.

He shoves Peeta off him, "you're a dead man, Mellark, you two Hawthorne," he goes for the stairs back to the viewing deck, "Don't forget my offer Katrina, especially if you want a real man in your life."

Regrettably I don't pay attention to the rest of the meet, all I can think about is punching Cato's stupid skull in.

Finnick comes upstairs wearing nothing but his speedo and a sweatshirt.

"God damnit Finnick! Maybe some underwear!" Johanna snaps, covering her eyes as Finnick propped one leg up onto the bench and threw down his sweatshirt, standing in the very crowded area in only his speedo.

"Why do you find this…" he strikes a provocative pose, pushing his groin out only slightly, "Distracting?"

I'm eyelevel with his groin, never having been more uncomfortable in my life, well… Never in the last week or so.

"Finnick, please sit down, and put some clothes on," he sits down next to me and throws his arm around me.

I shy away, moving closer to Peeta but still making my body smaller, "I see how it is…"

"Finnick," Peeta's arm is around me, I feel safe, reassured, "Cato just tried to cop a feel, she's clearly uncomfortable. Quit it and watch your girlfriend…" I lean closer into him.

"Safe…" I mumble.

I lock my door and pull the blinds to read the first of the journals, it was from when Katniss was eleven.

_August 8_

_The hurricane ended today and I was finally allowed to go back to the park only if I didn't go near the water. Where's the fun in that? I wish the creek would pick up Buttercup and wash him away, he bit me again but mom says it would break Prim's heart and I should stop trying to pet him._

_Katniss_

_August 10_

_I found a boy today, his brothers were playing in the creek mom wouldn't let me near and he wandered off, I watched form my window as the tree he was walking on cracked and he fell in. I ran to save him. When I pulled him out of the water he wasn't breathing but I pushed on his chest and breathed into him before he coughed the water up. His name is Peeta Mellark and he's in my class this year. Don't tell but I think I like him._

_Katniss_

She doesn't write with great detail but I can see these happening, feel them, I can feel the fear she felt when Peeta wasn't breathing, I can feel the bit of that damn cat…

_November 15_

_We're moving to town today. I hate it, I hate town, no park, no forest. I'm closer to Peeta now but I'm not allowed to walk to his house without my mom and dad. They say Main Street is dangerous._

_Katniss_

Talk about foreshadowing…

I skip a few pages.

_December 1_

_I'm not allowed to work with Peeta on our project. Miss Abernathy says we have to make other friends. I'm paired with the mayor's daughter. She's nice and we played together at recess. She has another friend Annie Cresta who's quiet and has a crush on Finnick Odair. But don't tell her I told you._

_Katniss_

_December 2_

_We're having dinner with my father's cousins my Aunt Hazelle and Uncle Steve. I've never met them before. They have a boy a few months older than me named Gale, another around Prim's age named Rory and another two years younger than him named Vick. Apparently Hazelle is having another. I wonder why mom stopped at Prim, it would be fun to have so many brothers and sisters._

_Katniss_

_January 5_

_The creek behind the graveyard froze over and Peeta and I went to play on it. It cracked and I fell in, Peeta pulled me out and walked me to his house to dry off and warm up._

_Katniss_

I felt it, the frigid water soaking through my clothes, knocking the wind out of me. Page by page Katniss got older and older, the memories became more and more real. Katniss falling off a horse and breaking her arm. Katniss playing soccer. Katniss and Gale going hunting with their fathers. Katniss getting her appendix out, then her tonsils six months later.

I closed the first journal, gulping, "Freaky…" I whisper finally turning off my light after hiding the books and going to sleep, tomorrow was a big day.

I had a headache when I woke up in the morning as if my brain was forcing its way out of my skull. I took a few Motrin and pulled on my track uniform, nothing was going to stop me today.

* * *

**Please review D: I want to hear what you think about it. :3 Only a few more chapters left with Katrina, but the fun doesn't stop there!**


	8. My Father

**First! Let me answer a few questions.**

**1) No, the story isn't almost over. ****Katniss figuring out who she is is just the first half of the story sillies. :3 (She's still going to need to convince some people she's who she is, also figure out why she was allowed to go back.**

**2) Katrina isn't going away in a chapter or two, more like five or so.**

**3) I had something here, but I forgotted. :\**

**4) If you have any suggestions or what not for the story, put em in a review or a PM and I'll take note, I know where this story is going, but how to get there there's a lot of wiggle room, I am open to suggestions. :3 **

Motrin doesn't rid me of my migraine, neither does water, my only choice is to run from it.

Boy do I ever. I'm only in one race today, and 800 meter, I try to fight through the pain as I warm up and soon it's just a dull roar.

"You look hung over, Charity Case," Glimmer sneers.

"No, I just got sick seeing you wear walk of shame make-up. It'll pass," I smile as we line up. Four laps, that's all I need to run then I'm done for the day… Well, kind of. I steal a final glance at my "family" now joined by Gale, Finnick, Johanna, Annie and Madge, all of whom could have spent their Saturday sleeping in but instead came to probably see me fail miserably.

"Ready? On your mark, get set," we all drop back our feet on the pedal like thing behind us to make it easier to kick off, I steal one last look at Peeta "Go!" it's that second of hesitation that gives Dina Glimmer the inside from the get go, though quickly we're neck and neck fighting for the inside, she doesn't taunt me this time, putting all her focus on trying to win.

One lap down, my headache is almost gone, I can see clearly.

Lap two, I've managed to cut in front of her now she's forced to either run behind me or run on my outside. The first stretch she's quiet… Then it begins.

"Enjoying another family's wealth while you can? The second you turn eighteen you'll be on the streets like your crack addicted mother," she sneers. I'm not playing her game.

"Actually, my momma was addicted to heroin, if you're going to be a bitch, at least get your facts right," I retort.

"You'll be just like her someday."

I bite my lip and she takes the lead.

"Oh fuck no…" I mutter, I know pushing myself with half a lap now is probably not the best option, but she wasn't going to win. I put all my energy into the last one hundred and fifty or so meters, everything I have, every muscle, every nerve burning but I somehow manage to push in front of her. My body doesn't give out, somehow I've managed to place first, only slowing after I've reached the finish line, making my way off the track and onto the lush grass where I collapse, my chest heaving.

Fatigue finally catching up on me, coach Trinket comes up to me, handing me my water, "That was fantastic, a little risky and two people from the same school shouldn't be so bitter, but that was a two even. I sit up, my jaw dropping, I had just tied Katniss Everdeen's eight hundred meter record, "We'll practice much more after school, getting you up to the fifteen hundred, then the mile…" there was another shot from the gun signaling the runners to go, "Oh I just love that," she smiles, hugging me, "Now I heard you have to run. I'll see you in gym Monday," I nod heading out the gate. The first to pounce on me is Madge, followed by her other half Annie.

"You're like a rabbit!" Madge squeals.

"You know, except for the whole humping thing…" Johanna adds, elbowing me as Madge and Annie squeeze the air out of me.

"Beautiful Johanna, supportive as ever," Finnick rolls his eyes, "You are on land what Annie and I are in the water, not bad new girl."

Gale's the one to finally mention the elephant in the room, "With any luck you'll break _all _of my cousin's records before school lets out," I bit my lip, he said it with such disdain.

"I… I have to get going, thanks guys, I'll see you later," I push away, past everyone, even past Peeta as I go to my gym bag and pull my hoodie over my sweaty body. I needed a shower and would only have a short time before we leave for Graterford so I can see the man who fathered me.

They all congratulate me in the car, but I feel so guilty that I just nodded and smiled and thanked them.

Could I really replace all of Katniss's records? Maybe if I hallucinated her again I could ask.

My headache returns just at the thought of her reducing me into a crumpled blubbering mess in the bottom of the shower, "Am I really doing this…" I whisper to myself, in a ball letting the water beat down on me. I could only waste a few minutes like this, but I was soaking them up.

'_You have to…'_ Katniss whispers, but it comes from my mouth.

"Please get out of my head… Please!" I sob.

'_It will stop hurting once I remember…'_

"Remember what?" there's no answer.

There's a knock on my door as I'm braiding my damp hair, "Come in," I call.

"Hey…" Peeta sits down on my bed, "Gale just called, he feels really bad at snapping at you earlier…"

"It's fine… I feel like sometimes I'm coming here and I'm… Unjustly claiming her spot in your lives…" I tie the band around my hair, securing my braid, "I understand if he's angry…"

"Katrina, you're… Similar to Katniss, but you're not her. No offence but you'll never take her spot in our lives, but you've made your own. Gale's just taking everything one step slower than the rest of us… Ok?"

I just nod, "I don't want someone thinking I'm taking his place… Enough people already think I'm leeching off you guys…" I grumble, staring at my reflection.

"Well… You don't believe them, do you?" I just shrug, maybe Glimmer is right, maybe I am already a leech.

"Listen… I have to go…" my heart stings when I see how down this boy is, "Erm… You can come if you want? I'm going to need _a lot_ of moral support. You're not going to be able to go in with me… but before and after," I nervously pulled at my hair, stroking each bump of my braid.

"Are you sure?"

I nod, smiling faintly and offering my hand, "I'm afraid…" I whisper, "That they'll put me with him like they did my momma…" I whisper, not wanting anyone to hear.

"My mom and dad won't let them they'll-"

"It's not up to them… it's up to the courts…" I shrug, only time will tell.

Graterford State Prison is nestled in a small town named Skippack were Graterford road turns to Prison Road, though the surrounding area is perfect, bucolic even, it doesn't hide the barbed wire fences and violent offenders behind the walls.

"Name?" a woman behind thick glass asked through a crackly speaker. Doors slammed all round me as guards escorted visitors and inmates from area to area.

"K-Katrina DeAuguste," I stutter, my anxiety and headache already wearing me down.

"Who are you here to see?"

I gulp, what was my father's name? He was always 'your father' or 'pops' or 'that bastard who knocked me up' when my mother talked about him, "Liam DeAuguste," I tell her, remembering the return address on the letter I received earlier this week.

I scratched at the back of my calf with my sneaker, my sore legs wanting to give out, "Ah yeah, ol' Liam's been saying you'd be by soon… How old are you?"

"S-sixteen," I stammer, drumming my fingers nervously.

"Whoever's got custody of you, they're gonna need to give you permission to go back there and see your old man," I nod but Thomas is already here.

"We're right here, and she can go back if she wants," a paper is slid through.

"This gives her permission to go back and see inmate Liam DeAuguste, she will be in an isolated room as per his request."

"_His_ request?" I ask curious.

"Yes, we tend to make certain… exceptions for model inmates, especially when they're seeing their children for the first time in years."

"Model inmate… Aren't they all when they know parole is coming up?" I ask watching the clip board slide back under the glass.

"Not all some just don't care, some put on an act so they can get out sooner…"

"Yeah… like my momma…" I mumble.

She says something without pressing the button and a large guard comes out, "The four of you can follow me," Peeta's at my side in an instant, holding my hand, only letting go when we pass through metal detectors. They frisk me just to be sure I'm not smuggling anything dangerous in, they take my keys and hand them to Lisa who just offers a sad smile as they open the door to a room with a two way glass window.

"He'll be brought in here in five minutes," the guard tells me, "We'll have one guard posted inside, two outside. They can hear everything you say, everything you do, don't try anything funny."

I nod, like what? Try to bust him out? For all I care he could rot forever behind these walls.

Before I enter Peeta pulls me into a hug, "I'm ok…" I tell him.

"I know," he rubs my back a little, reassuringly.

"I-I'm ok," I tell myself before going into the room without a second glance. The only noise is the hum of the lights hanging above my head and the scraping of one of the two chairs across the linoleum floor. I jump at the slam, giving the lone guard a glance before sitting down.

This is it.

The door in the back buzzes and unrestrained comes a worn man, he appears to be about sixty from his appearance but I know it's from years of drug abuse, "Trina, baby girl come give your old man a hug," the door slams trapping me in here with him and a stranger, well two strangers… We haven't been in the same room for eleven years.

"No," I snap getting up when he comes over to me, I have to be strong. I point to the other chair, "Sit down Liam, now."

"_Don't _ you call your father by his first name, that' is disrespectful."

"I haven't seen you in _eleven_ years! My whole life!" I cry, "And besides you're not my dad, you may have fathered me, but you will never be my dad," he sits down, scratching at his arm, I can see the track marks, somehow he's still using.

"That ain't true, I was there until you were five, it's not my fault I'm behind bars!" he snaps.

"Yes! It is! You… You don't get it!"

"He pulled his gun first!"

"You were stealing his car! You paralyzed him! An innocent man will never walk again because you were hotwiring his car with your five year old in the passenger seat!"

"Your momma didn't want you that day, what was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to put food on the table?" so much unsaid that I couldn't understand back then. Now I could… And I still wouldn't forgive him.

"My _momma_ never wanted me, and you know the only reason she stuck around was because you held her down and shot her up every chance you could get. You _ruined_ her!"

"Yeah, well I heard her new guy wasn't much of a winner, though according to the guys on his block he was into the _younger_ crowd," I wince, "He touched you… Didn't he?"

I look away, maybe he was showing genuine concern for his only child (that I knew about)

"Trina damnit look at me, look at your father when he's talking to you," his fist slams on the table and I jump.

"Father's are kind, they're loving, they protect and raise their children… You may have helped create me but you will _never_ be my father!" I hiss shoving the table.

"Hey!" the guard shouts, I sink down, knowing better.

"I'd like to be your father, Trina. I'm getting out in a month, my parole was approved," my heart stopped, "I want you in my life," I ball my fists up trying to breathe deep, calm myself.

"No! It's too late! You're sixteen years too late! If you wanted me in your life you wouldn't have treated momma like you did, or you would have gotten a job instead of open a chop shop! Just leave me! Leave me in the system so I can turn eighteen and-" I cut myself off. What would I do when I was eighteen?

"Trina, you will learn to respect me as your father you-"

"No, don't you come near me!" I stand up too fast my chair knocks back, "When you get out, you get a job and right your life, don't you _dare_ come near mine!" I cry, I couldn't lose my life now, especially to him.

"I have rights as your daddy, you're going to learn that girl."

"I'm going to make sure each and every one of your rights as my father are taken away before you get out of here. When you get out, go back to Philly, hell go back to Puerto Rico and be with your family, do whatever the fuck you want there, as long as I'm kept the hell away from it."

I go for the door, but he speaks once more, "Katrina, why did you come?"

I turn the knob and look back, why was I here?

"Because I had to make sure there wasn't anything I was missing in the last eleven years of my life without you." I tell him finally.

"Well?"

"My life would have been hell even if you stuck around. The only difference would be that you're not sick enough to put your hands on a fourteen-year-old." I don't look back, I don't wait for him to react, I just run out of the room, straight past the Mellark's and into a bathroom to vomit everything in me.

"Shhh…" there's a hand on my back, rubbing up and down, "It'll be all right Katrina…" Lisa promises. I have to believe her, I just have to, "We'll protect you, I promise…" I have to believe her, I just have to.

I seclude myself in my bedroom when we get home pulling the shades and locking the door just so I can stare at the ceiling fan, the wall, anything really.

The twins begin wrestling at some point and I distract myself by listening to their taunts and the thumps of furnature, finally I hear a feminine voice, a familiar one.

"Can't you two keep your hands off each other for two minutes?" it's Johanna, probably here for Peeta.

"I'd rather have my hands elsewhere," Madge giggles from the other room. Bleh.

"Ew, guys seriously, we just got over the vomiting session from the idea of you two together. Can you… you know, with the PDA?" that's Annie, quiet and sensible, though sometimes completely off it.

I continue to hide as people who call me their friend flood the Mellark's house for whatever normal teenagers do on a Saturday evening. I hope they'll forget about me, just let me wallow… No such luck.

"Katrina! Open up!" Madge and Annie call, pounding on my door.

"Hey guys?" Peeta calls, "Why don't you give her some space right now?"

It goes quiet but the pounding never starts again, I do her Peeta's door open and close, then the fire escape creek. My eyes squeezed shut as I pulled the sheet over my head.

"You gonna get up?"

I just groan.

"Come on Kat, it'll be a good distraction," I sit up, hopefully so he can see my tear streaked face and red eyes, but he's not backing down, "Come on, let's get you washed up, you'll feel better," I grunt again and he pulls the sheets from my face, "You can't mope around in your room… It's not good for you," I go to argue that he did the same thing when his friend died, but chose to keep my mouth shut, I didn't need to destroy a friendship I actually treasured.

He pulled me from the bed even though I offered some resistance and lead me to the bathroom, "Do you need help or can you…"

"Thanks Peeta, but I think I can wash my face without your help," I stick out my tongue and he smiles, a small glimmer of hope. If I went back with my father… Would I lose him?

When I got out of the bathroom everyone was in my room. I felt slightly violated, but I couldn't, it wasn't really my house, "So what are we doing tonight," they've managed to somewhat make my bed, only leaning on the decorative pillows. Out of the clock radio I seldom use pours homey country music, a song I know though I shouldn't. It's a song Katniss would know probably.

"Sit," Annie tells me, pointing to my desk chair. I blink, where they going to lecture me? Did they find the journals?

No, Annie and Madge were doing my make-up while Gale and Johanna flipped through Car and Driver, Finnick and Peeta idly making comments about which car they'd die to drive.

"You look just like Aishwarya Rai," I blinked as Madge braided the hair by my temples but kept it loose, "Well… If she and who ever played River Tam had a baby."

"Madge failed biology, and sex ed," Finnick joked, he slapped the bed, "Corvette Stingray, there we go."

"I did not, I was just saying if you take both their features you'd get Katrina… And lob off a few inches."

"Look up," Annie told me before bringing the mascara brush dangerously close to my eye, I wanted to flinch away but she was steady with her hand.

"Please you couldn't handle a Stringray, remember what you did to your uncle's cobra?"

"Yeah, I drove it well and within the speed limit… Until I hit that guardrail," he scratches at the back of his head, "He's stopped sending me money for my birthday, probably to pay for the door… and the side panel."

"Wait… Turn that up…" Gale leans over and turns up the radio, "She wears high heels! I wear sneakers, she's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers!"

"No… No…" Johanna cautions as Madge dives for the bed, resting her head in her lap, "Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time!" she sings into my hair brush, "If you could see that I'm the one who understands you. Been here all along so why can't you see?"

Instead of shying away Johanna picks up the singing blond, "Come on, we're doing this," she struggles a little but Johanna manages to get her over her shoulder walking out the door.

"Hey what are you two… doing?" Ryan asks coming down the hall.

"We're running away together, she just serenaded me, you can go to prom with Gale if you want."

"Finally! I thought you'd hog him forever."

I get up from the chair, everyone already occupying themselves and climb through the window into the cool night air, but I'm not alone for long.

"Hey…" Gale starts nervously, "Listen, I'm sorry, for what I said this morning. It was a jerk move."

I shake my head, "No, don't be sorry, sometimes I feel like I'm coming in here and pushing her out… Like we're occupying the same space…." I sit down, my legs hanging over the edge, "But Peeta told me something earlier today… I'll never take her place, I'll make my own." I fiddle with some of my loose hair, "Just have to figure out how to do that, especially with the little time I have left…"

"You going somewhere?" he joins me, watching the moon rise and stars shine through the thin haze of clouds.

"Well… My dad's getting out of the slammer, he could get custody of me," I wince, after how I talked to him would he even want me? Hopefully not, "Then who knows, there's nothing here for him and hopefully he'll go back to where he's from, and leave me here with the Mellark's until I'm eighteen…"

"What happens then?"

"I'm kicked out of the system and basically told to find my own way or…" I look away, only a short time ago I was planning on offing myself when I was out of the system, so I couldn't be a burden… Could I still go on with that plan?

"Or…"

"Just… Disappear… Vanish from the system, not leech off welfare though I may end up there…" there's laughter coming from my room, people who will never have to be in this position.

"Lisa and Thomas won't let that happen to you…" he throws an arm around me, he's strong, I know built from years of hunting and hauling game, he feels like family.

"If I'm taken from here, they don't have a choice…" I stand up, "We should go inside before someone gets worried," Gale nods but digs in his pocket pulling out a pack of Marlboro's, "On second thought, share," I hadn't had a smoke since I got here, probably cause for my headaches as the nicotine I was so dependent on washed form my system.

He hands me a cigarette and a lighter, I blow out the first drag, habitually never taking in the first bit from when I'm lighting. I tend to take in too much smoke when I do so and hack it up, "I'm going to fight it…" I promise, kicking my legs over the edge once more, "I won't be taken from here without a fight. You guys are growing on me," I smile, flicking away ash.

Gale just smiles and does the same, "I wouldn't expect you to do anything else _but_ fight," he pauses for a second, "So… You and Mellark?"

"What? Oh… No, he's…" I think about the warmth I feel when he touches me, "It's too soon…"

"It's almost been a month, sometimes you just have to let things happen," I take another drag, Marlboro wouldn't be my smoke of choice, but these are desperate times.

"I don't date…" I grumble.

"Please, that's a lie."

I chuckle, "The closest thing I've had to a relationship was with a guy a good handful of years my senior who had a girlfriend at the time… Actually I'm sure he still does."

I watch the smoke trail from my lips, Gale was so easy to talk to, as if we've known each other for years, but that was the way they all were. Each and every one of my new friends I felt like I've known forever.

I crinkle my nose, "There's a first time for everything," we sit silent for a few minutes before flicking our cigarette butts onto the sidewalk below us.

"I'll be inside in a minute," I tell him watching the glowing ends fade out in the darkness.

"Maybe I have known these people for years…" I whisper, no matter how ridiculous that sounds.

* * *

**As always, please review with questions, comments, suggestions, I want to hear from you whether you loved it, hated it. See you in chapter 9!**


	9. My Kiss in the Moonlight

**Hey, this chapter is looooong, definitely to make up for my absence. D:**

* * *

It was safer this way… I worked endlessly, transferring Katniss's writing to my computer. An all familiar tale of this growing girl with budding aspirations… Only to be taken away , not by the man who ran her over, but by her parents.

Katniss wanted to be a writer.

Her parents wanted her to be a doctor.

The last entry she wrote was the night before her death.

_Told mom and dad I wanted to major in English when I graduated. They told me I couldn't go to med school with an English Degree from some Liberal Arts college mid-state. I ran from the house straight to Peeta's. He understood, he always understands. I came home before sneaking out to sleep at his again. He makes the panic attacks go away. I could be happy with him, but he's happy with Delly. I should feel guilty about kissing him but I don't. I should feel guilty about sleeping with another girl's boyfriend, but I don't. He makes me forget._

As she got older Katniss became more and more bitter, more jaded. She joined track so the pain would make her forget, she did choir so she could voice her feelings indirectly, but her parents didn't give, didn't sway.

When I got to the entry the night before she died I shoved the books in my backpack. I'd return them the next day, I knew the Everdeen's wouldn't be home, Prim was sick with pneumonia, her parents didn't leave the hospital.

I on the other hand had the day off, as did all the juniors to get ready for prom. Lisa and Thomas were apprehensive of Peeta and I going together, our relationship was platonic enough for them to trust us, and since Ryan would basically be babysitting us as we drove to the beach they were more concerned about his potential misdeeds.

"I'm going for a walk!" I shout into the bakery.

"Don't be long, the girls are going to be here soon to turn you into a Barbie," I cringed taking off.

There was no life in the Everdeen's house, even their watchful cat is gone, probably to babysit its owner. In and out, it only takes a few minutes to return the journals and dash out of the house, back to the Mellark's where everyone, and I mean everyone was waiting, dresses and tux's hung in lovely garment bags, parents sitting at the kitchen table gossiping. Everyone's eyes were on me when I entered.

"This is Katrina DeAuguste, she's been living with us for the last month," I close the door, giving a nervous wave.

They all introduced themselves and said hello, but I couldn't remember their names, suburban mothers came in two forms, well exercised and put together like Lisa, and baby machine aka no make-up, sweats and gut hanging over. None of these women surprisingly fit that category.

"Good luck with the hot water honey, Ryan and Peet were already in there. Surprisingly enough the shower is nice and hot though the air and mirror still hold the humidity in since the boys seem to forget the fan every single time.

I dried my hair in the bathroom making sure it laid flat before wrapping myself in a towel, I threw the door open, forgetting my home was filled with teenaged men, and bumped right into Finnick, "I… Oh God," I could feel myself blushing as I tightened the towel around me, "Don't you have anything better to do?"

He took a bite of his apple, chewing loudly as he looked me over, he was already in dress pants and an untucked black dress shirt, "Turns out no, can't put on the monkey suit too early or it loses the affect," he gives me another once over, "Nah, you're no Annie, too damn short," he hands me the apple and pats my shoulders before retreating into Peeta's room.

"Here," I hand Annie the half eaten apple, "From your lover," I have no shame around these women, and drop my towel throwing on a t-shirt and nothing else as I go to do my make-up, fortunately with my short torso and legs it's almost like a dress… After all it is Peeta's.

"Who do you think will win Prom Queen?" Madge asked, putting on mascara with expert precision.

"Dina Glimmer, Prom king will be mister Cato," Johanna mussed with her short hair, a black clip with black rhinestones clipped to keep her hair out of her face, "Then we can watch as they dance, while we wait for their ayrian babies to pop out."

I'm the only one laughing at this, "Hey, Katrina was nominated, and even Clove, you know… His girlfriend?"

"Ok, I_ hope_ Katrina wins so that plastic bitch can watch Trina knee him in the nuts."

"Please…" I rub the foundation into my skin, "I will not be used as your weapon, I only attack unless provoked anyway," Johanna dropped her robe pulling out some strange curved adhesive strips that functioned as a bra, positioning them precisely to support her breasts, "Also, someone must have nominated me as a joke, I've barely been in the school for a month…"

"Please, how you stand up to Barbie, the Hulk and their cronies? Everyone _loves_ you," Madge curls some of her hair around her finger.

"You too brainless," she handed me two, oh yeah, I couldn't wear a bra with my dress.

"When are Cato and Glimmer going to just give up on their significant others and just go together?"

"Hopefully when I'm miles and miles away at Penn State or Temple studying Physical Therapy…"

The decision was to leave my hair down and only loosely curl it, though half way through, as we all sat in our underwear the door knocked, "We're naked!" Johanna shouted, "So come on in!"

The doorknob turned and Annie, squealing the whole time, ran and slammed it closed, "Not even funny!"

"Aw come on!" Ryan wined, "You can't tell us a room full of gorgeous women, and Johanna, are naked then lock us out!"

"Can and will, go away, we'll be out in a minute!"

"That's what you said a half hour ago!"

"That's before we decided to tackle Katrina's miles of hair!"

The voices got quieter, but I could make out someone say, "This is all your fault, Peeta."

"I should have gone with a tux…" Johanna sighed pulling on her dress, shortest of them all, a strapless bodice covered in a black floral lace that went up to her neck and was short sleeved though plunged in the back, only to be held on by a black silk strand tied at her neck. The bottom was short, only mid-thigh covered in gauzy black fabric.

Annie's was a close contender, a strapless dress covered in turquoise sequins with brown waves traveling downwards until they turned white. Around her waist though was a brown silk sash attached to which was a long swatch of tulle that trailed behind her, looking like a wave.

I will admit I was jealous of Madge's beige dress with a peacock feather like pattern going across her breasts and down her hips.

But I loved mine, it clung to my curves just right, showed off just enough skin, and as they said: 'Showed off my best assets'.

"Should we make them wait any longer?" Madge asked, fiddling with her curls.

"Nah, then _we're_ going to be late," Johanna sighed zipping up her knee high boots.

"I hate heels…" I grumble as we vacate my room, mindful to not step on Annie's "waves".

The four of us stand at the end of the hallway, my arm on Johanna's shoulder, my other on my hip, her doing almost the same to Madge and Annie on the end, posed shyly with her hands on her hip. I couldn't have described the other men's reactions if I tried, all I could see was Peeta in his black tux and red vest.

"You look stunning," my hand was in his as he slipped the very simple white orchid over my wrist.

It took some care, considering I stuck myself, but I pinned the matching flower to his lapel, I smiled finding his eyes. They were so sad…

Guilt gripped me, I was stealing this night from her, from Katniss, she should be here not me…

She was stolen, I was willingly giving up.

I bit my lip nervously, it was too late to back out now…

Warm lips found my forehead and before I knew it strong arms were around me, "You're crushing me!" I gasp as his hug gets tighter, and like that the sorrow of the night is gone. A quiet remembrance of the one who's missing.

Junior prom isn't the lavish affair senior prom is, instead of a dinner we're herded into a beautiful open building that looks a lot like the Parthenon encased in glass which apparently functions as a car dealership when not filled with well-dressed Juniors and their dates.

Dancing was one thing I knew I could do, and do well, surprisingly enough Johanna shared my talent.

"Do you know how to swing dance?" she shouted over the music leaving Gale and pulling me from Peeta.

"If I say no?" she takes both my hands.

"Then I'll call you a liar, or chicken shit!" fortunately swing was one genre I picked up… Somewhere.

We kicked, spun and laughed to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's Jumping Jack until a crowd formed around us, Johanna spun me in, "Go find your man before they start something about us," she spun me out, somehow right into Peeta.

He took my hand, my free one on his chest, "H-hey," I breathed, as he pulled a few strands of my hair from my mouth.

The fast music was gone, replaced by low lights and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy was replaced by Aerosmith.

_I Don't Want to Miss A Thing._

Not my favorite song…

Instead of being able to enjoy the dance with my_ date_, a small gloved hand tapped my shoulder, "Can I cut in?" Madge asked.

"I… uh… Sure?" she knew him for longer, why not?

"I get the next one," Peeta whispers in my ear before I kiss his cheek, regretting letting go as soon as my fingers slide from his.

_If Madge is here then… _ I spin around to take off my heels but meet a duller pair of blue eyes than Peeta's even the same shaggy blonde hair, "Ryan! Your date stole my date," I shrug, grinning.

He takes this time to put an arm behind his back and bow to me holding out his hand, "Might the lady be so kind as to let me have this dance?"

I roll my eyes and take his hand, "The lady would be honored," his hands found my hips awkwardly, I was slowly becoming Ryan's younger sister… Where did that leave me with his brother?

"So, you got me away from Peeta, your plan worked," I smirked as we rocked slowly.

"Wha, how did you know we were trying to… _Madge_ can't keep a secret!" he didn't seem angry, mostly amused.

"Wait, you seriously were trying to separate Peeta and I?"

"Yeah, everyone's getting sick of this game of chicken you two are playing. I see you as my little sister, but not him," I sigh, of course he doesn't, "I can see it in his eyes, but he's too afraid to make the first move."

"He kissed me on the forehead, that has to count for something."

Ryan just rolls his eyes and kisses my forehead, but it's nothing like when Peeta does it, it's brotherly, reassuring, not tender, "Make a move, you have _everyone's_ blessing to do something. I mean, don't nail him, that might be jumping the gun…" I roll my eyes, just in time for the song to end.

There are a few more songs, all fast before Coach Trinket, in a shocking pink dress tapped her finger against the microphone, "Good evening everyone. We hope you're having a wonderful time, but it's come time to announce your Prom King and Queen.

She holds a dark envelope in her hands, for whatever unknown reason I was nominated, "Ladies first," she opens the dark paper pulling out a white card.

"Our Junior Prom Queen for 2012 is… Katrina DeAuguste," I froze.

_Shit._

"Well, come forward dear," Peeta spun me around and hugged me tightly as all my friends congratulated me.

"It's a beauty contest," he assures me. I nod and head towards the stage, hiking my dress up to come up the stairs.

"Ah, there you are. Congratulations!" she hugs me, her bony but muscular arms like vices around me.

I stand there as a tiara is placed on my head and a bouquet cradled in my arms, drowning out the applause. I run through the nominees for King, the only two I can think of being Finnick and Cato.

_Please be Finnick… Please be Finnick… Please be Finnick… Please be Finnick… _

"Daniel Cato!"

_Double shit._

Cato towers over me, all six feet and three inches of him but he takes my hand in his roughly, lacing our fingers together and raising them above our heads eliciting an even louder applause from the cheering crowd. I want to run, get away from him.

The boy who shoved me against the lockers, who bushed his fingers against my back and shoulders in the hall, who looked at me like a prize… Now the school would force us to dance together in some spectacle I couldn't escape unless I wanted to look like a bitch.

"I will take those," the only barrier between me and that damned dance, my bouquet of pure white roses.

Hand in hand we descend to the dance floor which has been cleared four our dance, "At least pretend to be happy," he growls in my ear, "You should be honored, the entire female population of West wants to sleep with me…" I put on a fake smile, beaming as if this is the happiest moment of my life.

I'm hyper aware of his hand on my lower back, bothersomely close to my backside, "I can name four who don't…" I growl through my teeth as we sway to Unchained Melody.

"Bullshit…" his hand slides down, pulling me even closer to him, I look up, his eyes are smoldering, not with passion, but with anger, lust… Emotions I want to get away from.

"You have your girlfriend… what's her name… Clove?"

"That's more of a friend's thing… with _a lot_ of benefits. Benefits I'd like to extend to you…"

I had to stop this. I had to do _something_, "You know what… Let's talk, you and me outside. We'll _negotiate,_" I purr just as the song ends, "Say… Fifteen minutes?"

He gave a cheeky nod as we parted, him to his FWB me to… Whatever Peeta and I were, I nearly leapt into his arms, warm and inviting, they gave, waited for permission, never once did they take.

I back up and pull the crown from my hair, "I'm a queen?" I laugh, things like this don't happen to foster kids.

"That you are… Though you may want to rethink your king," I look over my shoulder, Cato is staring at me hungrily, licking his lips.

"Ew… Listen, I need to step outside," he sighs and pouts, disliking my smoking habit but never suggesting I quit, "Come with me?" if my plan was going to work I was going to need back-up. I lace my fingers with his, not waiting for a response clutching onto his arm as if I'd float away if I let go.

It's late April and even though it should be cold, a warm breeze makes it next to impossible for me to light my cigarette. Between a pillar of the Parthenon like building and Peeta, whose hand rests just to the side of my head. His fingers pluck the cigarette from my hands, tossing it to the side. At first I'm angry, but I see the look in his eyes.

Hungry…

His lips are on mine before I can question his tossing away the one thing that was keeping me from ripping Cato's face off… Though this was a good substitute.

His hands find the side of my face, holding me there, but not trapping, he's tender enough that I know I could slip away if I wanted to, but why would I?

"Wow…" I whisper after his lips leave mine, his thumbs still stroke my cheeks, heating my skin, making me want more, but the door's open.

This tender moment has to be broken up, "Peeta, you're going to have to trust me, now…" I push him to the shadows, confused.

"Kat… what are you…"

"Trust. Me. And stay here…" I kiss his cheek and head for the walkway, "Took you long enough…" I put my hand on my hips, watching Cato's approach, cocky, confidant… _Ugh…_

I lean on the pillar, pulling my pack out of my handbag, "Smoke?" it's easy to light this one with his hulk like physique blocking the wind.

"Sure, princess," I go to hand him one but instead take hold of his wrist pivoting on my heels surprise being my only advantage as I spin him around, arm pinned against his back.

"You want to start something with me, let's go, right now!" I twist his wrist like the throttle of a motorcycle.

"Damn Kat, that's a little-"

My free hand is between his shoulder blades, pushing him closer to the pillar, "You're going to stop this! Stop all of it, the touching me, the looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. I. don't. want. You!"

It only takes his free arm to push back flinging me backwards, I expect to hit cement, instead Peeta's arms. I wince as Cato turns around, pissed doesn't even begin to cover it.

"You little _bitch_," he hisses, I stare him down, Peeta's tight grasp giving me strength.

"Leave her alone Cato, go mess with Clove," he warns, pulling me close, "You're just going to get hurt if you keep after Katrina…"

He wipes his chin, "I'm not going to forget this you stupid slut," I wince, his words cutting deep, "Someday you'll come crawling to me…"

"Not likely," I push my back into Peeta's chest, his arms crossing over my chest as he turns to leave.

We stand there in silence for a moment, "Never a dull moment with you…" Peeta sighs.

"Sorry…" I spin around in his arms shivering slightly, "I just wanted to scare him off…" I whisper, snuggling into him.

"I think you almost broke his wrist…" he rubs my arms, covered in gooseflesh, "Let's go inside…" he murmurs into my hair.

"I think I still owe you a dance…" I could hear the music through the glass walls, no doubt someone just witnessed the spectacle between Cato and I, and I'm sure the rumors will start immediately… But I didn't care.

I was standing outside, in the April air with Peeta, under the moonlight.

I spun around in his arms, "May I have this dance?"

"Isn't that my job? To ask you to dance," his hands find my hips, mine find his shoulders.

"I like to keep it interesting…" we sway to the music, the door opening and closing occasionally. I know this song… Deep down, some part of me finds it so beautiful and familiar.

"Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight…" I start singing, "Just a touch of the fire burning so bright. No, I don't wanna mess this thing up… I don't wanna push too far. Just a shot in the dark that you just might  
be the one I've been waiting for my whole life, so baby I'm alright…With just a kiss goodnight…" my forehead rests against his as I sing in a low voice. When the verse ends I tip my chink up to catch his lips, it's sweet, it's passionate, it's everything. His tongue and mine have the same idea, brushing up against one another as we explore, by now we can't concentrate on the dance and I'm against the pillar I had shoved Cato against only minutes before.

He's a gentleman, his hands never venturing past my sides, though one slips away, to the side of my head so he can lean in and not press all his weight against me.

"There they are! Hey! We… Oh!" Upon hearing Annie's voice Peeta's lips pull from mine and his head finds the crook of my neck.

"Yes?" he asks as my fingers intertwine with shaggy blonde locks. I drop my leg from his side only now realizing I placed it there.

"We were wondering when you wanted to head down the shore… But if you're busy…"

"Are we busy? I thought we were just talking," he pushes himself off the wall, pulling me with him.

"Definitely just talking," I look up and see a smear of lip gloss on his lips, "You… Erm…" I use my thumb to clean it off, "There we go…" I bite my lip, blushing when I see how flushed his face was.

"You got your crown, we got our dance…" his hand on my shoulder begins twirling some of my hair between his fingers.

"I threw Cato into a wall…"

"You threw Cato into a wall…"

Our friends gawked, "We're ready whenever you guys are."

"Do _not_ get pulled over. Mom will kill me if she sees what's in the trunk," I pull Peeta's tux jacket around me tightly, sitting in the passenger seat of his jeep as Ryan leans through my window.

"Yeah, yeah," I would have preferred we go with someone else in the backseat, but it was deemed that the rest of our overnight bags, a case of beer, and a few bottles of rum and vodka were going to take up the space. As well as beach chairs and what not, though it was only going to be in the high seventies over the weekend, we were spending the next day on the beach.

I was elated, I had never seen the ocean before.

"Listen, can we go? I want to get out of this thing as soon as possible."

"Yeah, sure," he must be on the running board because half of Ryan's body is in the car, grabbing his brother's face, "Do. Not. Get. Pulled. Over."

"If he does we'll switch seats, and I'll puff out my chest," I add.

"Yeah…" he ruffles my hair, "The one with no license."

Peeta holds my hand the entire time he drives, every so often stroking the meaty part of my hand between my fingers and thumb.

"So…" he starts, "Tell me… Why did you let me kiss you?"

I blush and look out the window, the lush green forests of Bucks County have given way to sparse pines and sandy soil, I can only assume we're nearing the beach, "Because you beat me to it…" I finally say quietly.

He chuckles, "Remember when Madge and my brother separated us?"

"He told me to make a move, because they were getting-"

"Sick of our game of chicken."

"I feel like they set us up," I pull my hand from his only to tighten the jacket around me. I immediately go back for his waiting hand.

"Yeah… we'll have to get them back…"

I smirk, unsure what he means by this.

The sparse pine trees give way to Victorian styles houses, the air outside grows salty and fresh, we're the first to arrive to the Undersee's beach house. Right across the street is the ocean. It's so close I can taste it, literally, the air tastes of salt.

"Oh yeah, you've never seen the ocean," headlights come down the lane, two other cars with our friends inside, "Come here," he takes my hand and leads me across the street up, my bare feet getting covered with sand carried to the road and sidewalk.

"Get on my back," I nod and put my hands on his shoulders jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist, the slit in my dress allowing the red fabric to trail behind us, "No sense in you getting a splinter or ruining your dress with the sand."

"Thank you for taking the well-being of my clothes into account," I tell him, kissing his cheek.

"Any time Kat," he carries me through the walkway cutting through the dunes before I see it, in the inky black darkness the beach. He carries me through the dry said stopping when it gives way to the firmer once damp sand, "Is it everything you expected?"

I take a deep breath, it's beautiful. I slip from his grasp hiking up my skirt to my knees and walking to the foamy water. I kept back to keep my feet from getting wet, but a larger wave had something else in mind, soaking up to my ankles in cold foamy water.

I want to run away from it, but it feels oddly good lapping against my skin, "I love it…" I whisper.

"It's great isn't it?" Johanna asked now standing less than an arm's reach away from me. Her hands go behind her neck.

"Jo…" Gale cautions. I look over curious as she lets her dress fall to the ground, she peels off the stickers from her breasts and with a triumphant heave, she throws her dress to her boyfriend and runs into the water completely naked, "Jo!"

I back away from the water and cover my eyes, before returning to Peeta, "Sorry…" Gale starts, "She's just Johanna…"

We return to the beach house, me still blushing furiously pulling Peeta's jacket only tighter around me to prevent any skin showing… especially since Johanna could only be coerced into putting Gale's jacket on, which she let hang loose.

"Finnick!" Madge shouts, "There's no room for the food here!"

"Beer's food too you know, it's made with wheat and grain and shit…" he shouts back from another room.

The we all, sans Johanna, congregate in the kitchen, " Give me two beers and a knife," I start, "Trust me…" I turn the cans over, "Who thinks they can shotgun a beer faster than me?"

No one moves right away so I put the beer in front of Gale, "You got a knife on you?"

I tilt the can on the lip so the air trapped in the can rises to one corner, "You're some kind of crazy," he pulls out a hunting knife, flicking the blade mirroring me.

"Something like that," I press the blade of a steak knife to the metal, "Now let's juts hope the ride didn't shake 'em up. Ready? Set…" I grip the blade tight so I don't cut my hand, "Go!" he's in faster than me, but I've no doubt been drinking longer than him. The bite of the Miller doesn't seem to faze me as it slides down my throat. I set my empty down only a fraction of a second before him.

"I win…" I pant finally breathing.

"Damn girl…" I just smile, my finger playing with the now concave can. I'm not exactly sure how much I drink that night, as it turns out no one in the room can beat me when it comes to shot gunning a beer, though Madge and Annie won't even try.

That's five… Then we start playing Never Have I Ever.

Ten shots for ten things my friends have never done but I have. Though there are a lot of things that _I've _never done that I know they have.

"Never have I ever…" Annie taps her chin, "Had sex with a woman," I watch each of them, each and every man take a shot… Then timidly Johanna goes for one.

"Ha! I knew it!" Madge squeals, I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder, the beer already bringing me pretty close to the edge, "Alright, my turn…" an easy, and amusing strategy is to pick one person, hone in on them, and get them out, "Never have I ever lived anywhere else besides Doylestown."

"Pittsburgh," Gale grumbles.

"Nebraska," Johanna downs her second shot.

"Miami," Annie sighs.

"Cali," Finnick downs his shot, sucking in air as the fire slides down his throat.

"I don't even have to say it," I smirk.

"Virginia…" Peeta and Ryan say together.

"Clever girl…" she's the only one who has always lived there.

I'm not sure what gets me out, some sexual act none of them have performed but I have, "I'm… bed…" I hear myself grumble trying to stand. I'm vaguely aware of Peeta guiding me to the bed we'll share tonight and tomorrow.

Ugh he's gorgeous, long blonde hair pushed slightly to the side away from his eyes… His deep blue eyes, outlined by a fringe of thick eyelashes… His lips, I want them on mine, then on my neck, then where every they can reach. The door to our room locks with a click, "Fuck me…" I breathe, grasping his white shirt.

"Katrina, no, you're drunk…" he tucks the hair behind my head.

I had never been _rejected_. Coming from Peeta it brings me to tears, "Katrina… Don't cry, I just… I couldn't you're drunk it would be taking advantage of you!" he grumbles, pulling me close, "Come on, lets get you out of the dress and we'll lay down…"

He helps me step out of the red dress and into a t-shirt and shorts before removing his tux leaving only his boxers… Just what I want. My mouth waters. I need him.

Instead of ravishing me like my eyes beg, he pulls me into bed holding me in his protective arms.

Finally I feel the room spin, and damn am I drunk. Obliterated.

Smashtered.


	10. My Big Moment

**For what ever reason I have 11 chapters of this story saved on my computer, but 10 here... I'm freaking out that I missed one, oh well! Sorry for the wait.**

* * *

_Katniss_

She didn't leave with me that night, nor had she the nights before but I was joined by another, "You're getting weaker…" I rubbed my temples, Effie at first thought my weakening state was humorous… Now it was worrying both of us, "You have to stop this or take control…"

"I've been trying! I…" I groan and sit on the bed, "I thought the journals would do the trick…"

"Well… You do have inklings, I've seen them. The pictures in my office at school..."

"I'm me, I just… I don't know I'm me until I'm asleep…" I look up at my guide, "You're my guide! Tell me what to do!"

Peeta groaned and opened his eye, "Katniss?" he sat up and looked at me. _At_ me, "What are you… How?"

"Peeta?"

"Katniss…" he sits up, my new body slipping from his grasp, "How are you here?"

"Peeta… You're not dreaming," I start, "But I need your help. I need to remember who I am when I'm awake…" I bite my lip grasping his shoulders.

"You're dead," tears come to his eyes, "Katniss, I watched you die. I was there…"

"I know… So was I, remember on the street, you were looking away, then you… Then you felt something, you looked at me, not my body, but me…"

"This is crazy… I'm never drinking that much again…" he isn't just drunk, Peeta is wasted… He'll never believe this was real, but I have to try.

I lean forward and press my translucent lips to his, "Peeta…" I rest my hand on my thigh, or Katrina's, "I'm inside here, you see it, I know you do… And someday when I'm awake I'll realize it, and I need your help…"

"Katniss!" Effie hisses, I was under strict orders not to tell the big secret to anyone… Even the left over bits of Katrina.

"What else can I do!" I shout, my cheeks stained with what I can only assume is tears, "If I keep fighting I turn into a poltergeist and make their lives miserable. I need someone on the other side!"

"Katniss? Who are you talking to?" he takes my hand, though his fingers slip through my nonexistent hands.

"It's a long story… I'll tell you it when you help me figure out who I am…" I try and smile, "I'm in here somewhere…" I press my hand to her forehead, then to her heart… To my heart, "I just don't know how to find myself…"

Peeta just nods, absorbing this hopefully through the fatigue and the alcohol, "Please, Peeta, you have to remember this in the morning… You have to… subtly jog my memory. Take me to places we went to, bring up stories. I don't _have_ a lot of time. This is going to go…" I take his hands, somehow he doesn't grip thorough them, "Really bad… Really fast for everyone I know…"

"How much longer?"

"A month, maybe two?" Effie starts, but Peeta can't hear her.

"A month or two, then…" I look down at my body, "My body will die and my spirit will shade, go dark and haunt the people I'm close to," I reach forward and wipe away his tear. The edge of our skin seems to crackle with energy.

"Woah…" the tear slides through my finger once contact is broken.

"I'm only me when I'm with you…" I whisper.

"You used to sing that… All the time…" he sniffs.

"Because it's true… And I can only be me with you…" he reaches forward, my 'skin' crackling as he pulls me into a hug but I feel the tugging, "I'm sorry… I'm being pulled back... When we wake up, I won't know you, and you won't know me, but we'll find each other…" I slip through his grasp as the cord pulls me back to my body, "I love you… Peeta," our legs have lined up and sleep seems to take him, "I was too afraid to…"

* * *

_Katrina_

My mouth was dry, as if I was chewing on balls of cotton. I could hear my pulse in my head each beat like thunder, "Mmmmm" my pillow groaned as I shifted, "Good morning…" Peeta yawned.

My eyes shot open the sunlight filling the room blinding and intensifying my headache, "Morning…" I pull myself from his warm embrace to close the blinds and draw the curtains to make it dark as night in the room, "Goodnight…" he chuckles pulling me close again.

I steal one last glance at the clock before burrowing myself into his chest, 7:23. Plenty of time to sleep.

A pounding on the door stirs us again, "Dude, come on, what are you two doing in there?"

"Sleeping!" Peeta groaned, pulling me close, the smell of old alcohol hung in the air, my brain laced with a hangover the likes of which I've never felt before.

The voice at the door was an indistinguishable baritone that shook my head, "We're coming in, you two better be clothed!" I didn't open my eyes as the sheet was pulled closer around me. The footsteps were like thunder. Definitely Ryan, he and Peeta have heavy footfalls.

"She still asleep?" he asks.

"No… and please stop yelling…" I grumble finally letting go of Peeta, he gives me a strange look, as if trying to look though me, "What, like you haven't seen me in the morning before?"

"No… Sorry, just… weird dream last night," he gets out of bed and heads into the bathroom leaving Ryan and I alone in the room.

"So… I heard you-"

"Stop…" my tone is enough, "Whatever I told you last night, forget, because you'll never know!"

"But, you'll show my brother right?"

The door opened and I stood up, "Finnick and Annie are already out there, we're just waiting on you two," I open up my bag digging through everything to find the one swimsuit I owned, a black bikini.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face I put it on, "Peeta?" I asked, my own voice making my head throb.

"Yeah Kat?" I walk out of the bathroom, holding the top over my breasts by my arm, keeping my hair up with the other.

"Could you tie this?" I feel his fingers brush my skin, "Nice and tight…" he leans forward, his lips brushing my neck, covering me with gooseflesh.

"There you go…" he whispers, fingers dancing along my sides, my hair spills down my back. I spin around to catch his lips.

"Thanks…" I whisper against his lips before pulling back to put on a t-shirt and sweats over my suit.

* * *

"Did they pass out again?"

"No…" I roll back over onto my stomach, digging my hand and feet into the moist sand under my towel, "Trying to sleep off hangover…"

"Trying to get as dark as her…" Johanna yawns.

"Ditto!"

I hold out my hands so Peeta can pull me to my feet, "Where are we going?" I yawn sleepily as he hands me a water bottle.

"I want to show you something," he wraps his arm around my waist.

"Don't be too long you two!" Johanna teases, moving closer to Gale whose sound asleep in the sand, all of us, except Finnick and Annie, were spending most of the day sleeping off the alcohol from last night.

"So… Your brother and Madge seem to be hitting it off…" I start, breaking the silence, Peeta had been quiet for most of the day, and was pretty keen on keeping it that way, "Listen, if you feel awkward about me coming onto you like I did last night… I'm sorry."

"What? That? No…" he smirked, "It's not every day I have a pretty girl begging me for sex."

"You sure?" I smirk, "And _pretty_? Come on, I'm stunning."

"Ehhh… That's debatable," the sand has turned from grainy white sand to rocks where pools teaming with life. I bent over without thinking, plucking a crab out of the water, pinching its claws so it couldn't get me.

"What is it with you girls and torturing the wildlife?" I look at its wriggling legs.

"Take it back, I have a crab and I don't know how to use it!" I hold its pincher to his nose, far enough away that he can't pinch at Peeta, but close enough that my threat comes across.

"Fine… You're not stunning, you're radiant," he smirks at my shock, "Now, put your weapon down so it doesn't die," I hesitate, but bend over to place my crab in the water, it scuttles away quickly, but not before taking a swing at my finger. Peeta's arms scoop me up, "Come on…"

"Where are you taking me?"

"To the end of the jetty," I look out, it's a far distance.

"Then put me down, you're going to get hurt," he sets me down gently so we can traverse the rough black rocks, between all of them snapped fishing lines, empty cans and life, "What's that smell?" I ask covering my nose.

"It's tide, get used to it because we're spending most of our summer here."

I smile, "I'd like that… I might need a new bathing suit…" I peak down my shirt, "This is the only one I own," I step between a large divide, to large. My foot slips but a strong arm catches me, "T-thanks," I look down to what I would have fallen into, a divide filled with crabs no bigger than my fist probably waiting to get revenge for what I did to their cousin, "You saved my life."

He leans in and kisses my cheek, "Nah, just your _pretty_ face…" he teases.

Instead of indulging him in my anger I throw my arms over his shoulders, catching his lips in a kiss laced with as much passion as I can muster. Two can play the teasing game… But I would win.

* * *

As it turns out we were both good at the teasing game, neither of us wanting to be the one to say when. Peeta never formally asks me out, but refers to me as his 'girl' which lead to some interesting talks between Thomas and Lisa about not having sex in their house.

"Knock knock!"

"It's open!" I shout, today's Friday, normally I would be just getting home for a track meet, getting ready to go out with my friends… Not tonight, tonight was the spring choral concert, during which I had a solo, "That's Madge and Annie… Shouldn't you, you know, go run with the boys? Raise hell?" I tease, flipping a page in my magazine.

"Ooo Cosmo? What is it this time?"

I look over at Peeta who's busying himself with homework, or pretending to, "One hundred and one ways to treat his package," I wink.

"Nice, Ryan likes-"

"Madge… If you value your life you won't talk about what you and my brother do in bed," Peeta cuts her off, but she giggles and throws down a pair of dress pants for me. I needed them to be hemmed and had no idea how, Madge eagerly volunteered.

"Hey babe? I'm going to get changed… so… shoo," he rolls his eyes and leans forward kissing my forehead before exiting the room.

"So… have you two…?"

"Fucked? No, not yet…" I drop my sweat shorts and pull up the black dress pants, "We're not even officially together…" I shrug.

"I mean… His Facebook _does_ say he's in a relationship," I scrunch my nose.

"Facebook doesn't mean anything, I want to hear the question. Plus I don't have a Facebook… so…"

"God you're like a Martian…"

I button my white dress shirt over my white camisole, "Sorry?"

"We'll forgive you," I grab my bag and my cell phone.

_Get the charger…_ a voice tells me. I shiver because as soon as the voice goes away the headache I've been feeling since prom comes back. It's been three weeks. Three long weeks of constant migraines and fatigue.

Lisa wants to take me to the doctor, at first I refused, now I'm worrying that there's something wrong in my head.

But I can't worry now…

* * *

"We look like waitresses…" Annie grumbles, "Someday we'll get new uniforms…"

I button up my black vest wrapping the cord of the bow tie around my neck and hooking the hook through the eye, "Bow ties are cool…" I smile.

"Nice Doctor Who quote," Annie straightens her tie.

"Who?"

"Ugh, never mind, Martian…"

"Alright, soprano's line up!" Mister Cinna yells over the general noise of the crowd. I'm in the back of the line so I could be at the bottom of the risers, being one of the shortest girls in the choir.

He runs through the line, making sure all of us are perfect, stopping at me to tuck some of my loose hair behind my ear, "Remember, all of you, this is _your_ night to shine!"

The stage lights only intensified my headache, and I'm sure I gave a lackluster performance, but finally… The song I have a solo in comes.

_We Are Young_

The men start, "Give me a second I, I need to get my story straight. My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State. My lover she's waiting for me just across the bar. My seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking 'bout a scar, and…I know I gave it to you months ago. I know you're trying to forget, but between the drinks and subtle things… The holes in my apologies, you know… I'm trying hard to take it back. So if by the time the bar closes, and you feel like falling down… I'll carry you home…"

The woman join in once the intro is done, "Tonight! We are young… So let's set the world on fire! We can burn brighter than the sun!" we repeat the chorus once more.

"Now I know that I'm not all that you got. I guess that I, I just thought… Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart. But our friends are back! So let's raise a cup!" the almost two hundred of us raise our fists in the air as if we're holding a cup, "'Cause I found someone to carry me home!" the chorus is repeated again and I move forward to one of two microphones positioned in the pit.

_This is it…_

"Carry me home tonight, just carry me home tonight…" I repeat as the male solo comes down, my quiet voice in the background as he sings.

"The world is on my side! I have no reason to run. So will someone come and carry me home tonight. The angels never arrived, but I can hear the choir! So will someone come and carry me home…"

I take a breath, my voice now louder, the only noise in the auditorium, "Tonight! We are young…" I sing, holding out 'tonight' and 'young', "So let's set the world on fire! We can burn brighter than the sun!" I hold out sun until it's time for the rest of the choir mirrors my words.

"So if by the time the bar closes, and you feel like falling down… I'll carry you home tonight…" we finish quietly earning a standing ovation. There, done. Time to go home and lay down, get rid of this headache and sleep through the weekend.

Unfortunately Madge and Annie intercept me, pulling me back into the auditorium where their parents and my family wait, "That was beautiful…" Peeta murmurs, hugging me.

"Thanks… I try," I yawn, "But I think I'm going to skip dinner and just go home… I feel kind of faint…"

Lisa's hands are on my cheeks, "You're running a fever, Peeta, walk her home, we'll"

"That's fine, I can walk myself home," I pinch Peeta's cheek, he looks worried but doesn't press the topic, "I want to take the long way, get some fresh air? I don't want to hold you guys up." I unfasten my fest and bow tie handing it to Madge, "Could you make sure this gets back in the room?" I yawn, she just nods and I kiss Peeta's forehead.

"Be safe, remember to look both ways across Main," I nod leaving the group, not realizing this would be the last time I ever saw them.

I did take the long way home, enjoying the air. Finally I got to where State and Main intersected, the dark red bloodstain from when Katniss was hit still eclipsing most of the crosswalk. They would scrub, and the rain would beat down, but a stain like that would have to be paved over. I took off my pinchy shoes, leaning on one arm on the light post to take off my socks. I would never do this in Philly, seeing as a lot of streets were littered by broken glass, but the street sweeper was through this morning. My bare feet welcomed the cool asphault but it became uncomfortable as I neared the blood stain, warm and damp, as if I was stepping in fresh blood. I could smell it, the copper.

"_I'm going for a run!" _my feet grew damp, _"Look both ways when crossing Main…" _the voices were so familiar, "_I always do…"_ but I didn't… She didn't.

_What?_

I opened my eyes again, another pedestrian bumps rudely into me, a teenager who looks like he belongs in the ghetto, if only his clothes didn't cost a few hundred. I'm knocked to the ground, my body covering the blood stain. My braid dips into it, the blood seems to soak into my hair, on my skin.

There's so much… I look up, a crowd has formed, only they're almost see through.

"Don't just stand there!" Katniss yells, "Someone call nine one one!"

I look down again, the blood has soaked into my hair, disappearing from the streets into me, "This is my blood…" I whisper, feeling as if I'm going to vomit from this realization.

"_I have to remember"_

"I have to remember," I gasp, wrenching a little as a car honks, to get me out of the way. I pick myself up, running home, "I can't hold on much longer…" I say, not sure where it comes from. It's hardly my voice at all.

I round the corner of Main and Oakland the street I live on, my home. I must look insane, having just laid in the street in a blood stain.

Almost there… But I'll never reach it as a firm hand grabs my wrist and covers my mouth.

"Don't you dare scream…" he growls.

"Daddy…" I gasp as my head is knocked against something, stunning me.

I drop to the ground, unable to fight for my freedom as my hand are bound, "I don't have to tie your feet do I Trina? You won't run from your daddy will ya?"

He throws me into the back of the car he was currently in possession of, surely stolen. I look up at him, my vision so unfocused but I manage to spit a mouth full of saliva and blood in his face, "Fuck. You!" I gasp before his fist makes contact with my temple.

"Katrina!" someone shouts.

_Peeta…_

Everything goes black.


	11. My Unhappy Ending

**Much of this and the next chapter and the next have to deal with drug abuse, hints at human trafficking, prostitution and other mature topics. If you don't' like it… I'm sorry?**

* * *

_Peeta_

Six hours, it was six hours since Katrina's father took her.

"I told you, the license plate was GVP-8012. It was a newish Honda CRV, it was red…"

"What else did you see?"

"He bound her wrists and threw her in the back…" I buried my head in my hands, "I can't lose her… I can't…"

Just then my phone started ringing, I looked around the room. Everyone who would bother calling me was in this room, _Katrina _the screen red.

"Answer it, put it on speaker…"

"Katrina? Hello, where are you?"

"_Where are you taking me!"_ she shouts, there's a rattling, _"I'm talking to you asshole!"_

"_Would you stop kicking my god damn seat for five seconds Trina so I don't crash the car?"_

Her breathing is heavy, her phone must be stuffed somewhere he can't see.

"A name… a town, a landmark… anything Kat… please…" I beg.

"_Where. Are. You. Taking. Me."_ She hisses.

"_I got a friend in San Antonio who's getting you papers. I'm taking you home baby girl…"_

"_So that's why we're in Roanoke, Virginia stopping at some cheap ass highway motel?"_

"Call the boys down in Virginia, here's the vehicle description…"

"_You know Trina, I could make some money off you… Tonight, if you don't mind that smart mouth of yours. Sixteen-year-old… I got a few hundred of your momma back when she was your age."_

"_Seventeen…"_ she whispers, _"My birthday is tomorrow…" _

"_One more year, you know the drill, they'd kick you out the second you turn eighteen. It's better I got to you before they forced you on the streets…"_

"_You can't make me love you…"_ she says quietly, _"I'll die before I call you dad, Liam…"_ the background noise of the car stops and we can hear a slap,_ "Do it again Liam, I dare you!"_ a car door opens and slams.

"_I don't know if you can hear me… But I'm so scared…" _she cries as the phone rustles,_ "He's going to do to me what he did to my momma…"_

"_Get out of the car Trina!"_

"_Please don't do this! You don't have to do this! I'll shut up, I'll go to Puerto Rico without a complaint, I'll lie… Anything, just please not the needle!"_ she sobs, but the phone cuts out.

"Needle?"

"Her father… Liam, used heroin to keep her mother around… He's going to do the same thing to her… He's going to kill her! He's going to kill my daughter!" my mother shouts, my father pulls her to him.

"It's ok… they'll find her…"

* * *

_Katrina_

I hung up my cellphone, not wanting them to hear what's next, know I couldn't stop it. My father pulled me from the car basically carrying me as my stiff legs were sore from the kicking I had done to his seat. He took the rope off my wrists, "How do you know I won't run?" I ask weighing my chances of an escape in this motel parking lot.

"Because if you do I'll fill you full of lead…" he hisses, "Now come on, we're stopping for the night. Don't talk, to anyone…" he walks me to the bench outside the lobby. A scantily clad woman walks out of a hotel room, counting bills giving me a strange look.

"Not gonna get many customers dressed like that sweat pea." I look away, she thinks I'm a prostitute…

_Please help me… Please, there has to be an Amber Alert out for me… you could save me…_

She scratches at her skin, full of track marks, and sores from drug abuse and disease, "Fine, be stuck up. I'm just trying to help you!" she snaps.

I laugh as she walks away, _Help me you stupid bitch by calling the cops._

My father walks out of the lobby and grabs me by the arm, opening the last door in the row of rooms shoving me inside, "I thought I told you not to speak with anyone!" his strike came like a cobra.

"She spoke to me… I just laughed at her…"

I stand there as he locks the door and pulls the blinds. We're in one of those rooms where everything is bolted down, definitely pay by the hour, "Sit, girl, and drink this." He hands me a mountain dew bottle, reluctantly I take a sip, but he had drank out of it before, so it couldn't be drugged.

It was laced with something horrible, definitely Everclear. I wanted to spit it out, but the alcohol would numb the pain in my head and the fear in the pit of my stomach.

He's on the room phone, talking to someone about how he has a girl who just turned eighteen, "You a virgin?" he asks.

"No…" I tell him quietly.

"Was it the blonde boy? The one who yelled after you?"

"No…"

"She is… You interested?" he pauses, "Go was up girl, and don't try anything funny…" I throw down the bottle watching it fizz and soak into the stained red carpet, "Yes, cash is good," he tells the person on the other end as I slam the bathroom door closed in time for the meager contents of my stomach to end up in the sink, bile and the neon mountain dew everclear mixture. Enough had stayed in my stomach that I already felt loopy. I splashed water on my face, refusing to brush my teeth or fix myself up.

It's becoming clear how planned this kidnapping was when in ten minutes there's a pounding on the door, "Trina, get out here, now! You got business to tend to."

Was this how he treated my mother? She had me when she was sixteen… Was this man even my father?

I open the door slowly, I look a mess, my white button up stained with my own vomit in a few spots, my black pants wrinkled, my mouth must have smelled like bile and my eyes were bloodshot… but that didn't deter the man from grabbing my face and forcing his tongue in my mouth after my father left the hotel room.

_He won't see me cry…_

I vow as he rips open my shirt, "Please don't do this…" I whisper as he reaches back and unclasps my bra, "I'm just a kid… please, save me…"my phone falls from its spot tucked in my breasts and I kick it under the bed so I can retrieve it later.

The back of the man's hand meets my cheek, "Less talking more sucking," he's not terrible looking, a little lanky and worn from the sun and most likely meth use, missing a few teeth, but back before he found crank he would have been attractive. He smacks me again, "Now you stupid bitch!"

* * *

I lay on the bed long after the man left, then the two after him, every inch of me bruised. Finally I dig through the bag my father had made up for me, inside is soap, shampoo and a change of clothes. I run to the bathroom to vomit again and get the men out of me as soon as possible, yes they used protection, but still. I tilt my head to look up at the clock on the wall, _1:24… Happy Birthday._

"They'll find me… They'll find me…" I whisper knowing the second we get on the plane to Puerto Rico they'll never find me. Yes it's a US territory, but we'll disappear into San Juan, we'll blend in too well.

"You paid for the rest of this trip and then some," Liam tells me counting a wad of cash, "Could have gotten more if you didn't threaten to bite their dicks off if they didn't wear condoms."

I snap my teeth like a shark, "Don't talk to me Liam…" I hiss, he's on me again forcing me to the ground. My head hits the edge of the night stand making me dizzy.

He ties my arms and legs together, unable to trust me I assume… But then I find out his motive when he pulls a bag of white powder, a spoon, a bic and a needle from his coat, "Figured I'd get you hooked on the good stuff, you'll appreciate it more…"

"Please, no… I did what you wanted, I got you your money, just please!" like a pro he pours some powder on the spoon and lights the bic, melting it before he pulls some into the needle, pushing out all the air bubbles.

"I'm going to make you need me Katrina, so you never run away again. You're my daughter, I never wanted it to end up like this…"

"It doesn't have to…" I sob as he ties his belt around my arm, "Please… Please stop…" he pulls it tight cutting off the circulation and making my veins pop.

I don't remember much after the prick of the needle, other than a blinding euphoria that lasted only a few hours.

Whatever he used on me was strong… Too strong. He repeated this process every six hours as we drove form Roanoke to our next stop, just outside of Nashville Tennessee.

"We're stopping for a few days," he tells me as we enter the hotel room. I can't respond, shakes taking over me. I couldn't even think as he drove. I should have called Peeta… Should have told him where I was… Should have called 911.

I need it, I need more.

I fall to the ground, shivering. It's so cold in this room, every inch of me hurts. The headache I had before the incident only intensified without my dosage of heroin every few hours.

My skin is slick with sweat and I'm positive I've wet myself at least twice in the last few days. He tells me it will get easier once we're in San Juan, once we're with family.

My family is back in Pennsylvania… Probably thinking I'm dead.

When he leaves to get food I pull my cellphone, which I had shut off to save the charge out of my purse which Liam still hasn't checked.

I hit redial, unable to think of how to call for an emergency, _"Katrina?"_

"Peeta…" I whisper, "It hurts so bad, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" I whisper, curled up in the corner, it had been eight hours since my last high. I was coming down in a bad way. Liam told me he was using the purest he could find to get me good and dependent.

It was working.

"_Katrina, where are you?"_

"Nashville… I didn't see the motel…" I can barely breathe, the pain in my chest crippling me, "I think I'm dying, Peeta…"

"_You have to hold on…"_ I hear the door open and end the call, shoving the phone in my bra.

I have to hold on.

He takes my barefoot and injects my dosage into my foot, leaving me to ride out the high writing on the floor in my own filth.

_I can't do this… I can't do this…_ My heart feels like a fist is gripping it, my malnutrition and the heroin taking its toll. He fed me once a day, always fast food and it always came up.

Three days pass and I only leave the corner to attempt to use the toilet. My phone dies and I'm too weak to find the charger as my father sleeps, never binding me again since I can barely walk anymore. He doesn't attempt to sell me after the second day, I've grown too disgusting, the now once every four hour injections leaving me absolutely useless.

He rolls me over in time for my next round, never giving me enough, always shooting me up with enough to ensure I crave it, but don't overdose.

He goes in the second I seem to be coming down from my high. I hear a clunk, my phone falling out of my bra which is only half on, the underwire of the top cup resting across my nipple, it hurt at first, then I forgot about it.

He kicks me swiftly in my stomach, I'd vomit if there was anything in me, "Stupid bitch! Did you call the cops?"

I can't respond, just stare, the wind was just forced out of me, so he kicks me in the face.

"We're leaving!" he hauls me to my feet but I fall to the ground, "Trina, stop acting like chickenshit and walk!" he stands me up again but I just fall.

_Please just let me die…_

_Let go Katrina…_ my heart is thumping slow and in my throat as the needle meets my vein once again, in a hopes I can walk to the car so we can make the escape we don't need to make. How does he expect me to get on a plane?

I feel the fire through my veins as the intoxicating drug once again takes over, but it's never enough… Never even close to take away the pain, the thirst, the need.

I feel so sick, so weak, he must have made a mistake, I must be overdosing.

_I can't do this… I can't do this…_my heart is racing getting out its last beats while it can. Nice and quick.

_I'm sorry everyone…_ I feel a numbness in my chest as my heart finally quits, not soon after that my brain follows.


	12. My Dandelion

_Katniss_

We're forced from her body, Katrina's remaining bit fades away, allowing me full control.

"I get it now… I don't know how, but I get it… You invaded my body somehow…"

"Not invaded… Was given…" I whisper to the fading bit of Katrina, "You died that night your mother and stepfather were arrested, only a piece of you stuck behind…"

"You're darker than I remember, before you kind of hurt to look at… Now you're like a candle in a field…"

"My spirit is weak, I've been forcing my way through since you met the Mellark's spending my energy trying to reach out to Peeta… You're leaving just in time…"

"How, clearly I just died, and what are you going back to?"

I look down at the chain attached to my heart, both of them, it's glowing, not faintly, but brighter than the sun. I would make it, "Something I never got the first round… A fight for my life…"

Katrina fades more and more, "I feel… Free… I was ready to die, ready to find peace. I'm done living your life, it was fun for a while, but I kept doing things _I_ wouldn't be caught dead doing."

I smile feeling the pull into the body, my heart started again, "Sorry, that was me… Like, all of it, basically I've spent the last month in control, but thinking I'm you. Which is why you thought you were saying and doing things you'd never do."

She nods, barely visible, "Good luck, Katniss… I don't understand any of this shit, but… I'm happy. Make sure they all stay in prison for a long long time…" her voice is barely an echo as the last part of Katrina's subconscious fades away, hopefully moving on with the rest of her soul.

000

I scramble to my feet, the sun has just risen and I feel renewed… But only just. The drug still has a hold on me, a pretty good one, but now that I'm not forcing my way through a subconscious I'm strong. My spirit revived enough that I can stand and clean myself before Liam wakes up.

"I need to escape…" I whisper, pulling my phone from where Liam hid it and my charger form my purse, glad I could get through to her to bring it. I knew something was up, maybe I'd be a precog after dying? I had to get something out of this.

I pull the urine soaked shorts and underwear form my body, the shirt and bra soaked and crusted with sweat and vomit. I have a change of clothes, but not underwear so before I can clean myself I wash the undergarments in the tub with shampoo and dry them with the hair dryer part way before hanging them on the towel rack to finish.

My skin grows clammy, I'd need more soon or the shakes and the pains would overcome me. I swallowed hard… I needed Liam to survive. Though I was getting stronger spirit wise, my body couldn't survive the withdraw outside a hospital.

This was his plan… and he was succeeding.

000

I hate it, I hate it so much, giving him my arm willingly waiting like an eager child for my drug. I've stashed my phone in my actual underwear now, I could only pray I didn't wet myself though I couldn't have had any fluids left in me after the first round.

When I catch my reflection I don't recognize myself, and not only because I'm in another body. My cheeks are sunken in, as well as my eyes which are blood shot and glassy, dark circles under them. My arms and legs have scratches and open wide scrapes where I've scratched the skin off during a high or low.

It only takes a few seconds for the numbing high to take over me. I sit there and stare, coming out of it already in the car. The phone is still in my underwear, which is perfect for my plan, next rest stop I would make a run for it… Even if it killed me.

I looked over his shoulder the car was almost on E. I had no shoes, but I had ran barefoot before… Though that was in a body I knew how to work. This one had short legs, a round backside, and heavy breasts, all things I'd have to work around.

"Don't try anything funny," he cautions getting out of the car at the gas pump. When he's inside I try the door, pulling the handle slowly.

_Child lock… _I pull out my cellphone.

_9-1-1_ I press it to my ear jumping over the center console and escaping through the driver's door. Dashing across the parking lot as fast as my malnourished legs can carry me. It had been five days since I was taken, four of which I spent in a constant high barely able to eat. The few meals I had managed to keep down were well and burned off now.

"911, what do you need, Fire, Police, medical?" she asked in a southern drawl.

"My name is Katn…" I pant, "Katrina DeAuguste… I was taken from my home in Doylestown Pennsylvania by my father Liam. I'm at the BP off route 40 out of Memphis," I see him leaving the station. Our eyes meet.

"Trina!" he roars coming after me. The phone slips from my hands and I run to him, thinking what Katrina would have done if she wasn't beaten to submission. I think of advice Peeta gave me once when we were fourteen.

"_If you're going to tackle someone, go for center mass," he smiled and brushed my hair behind my ear as I laid on the ground failing to jump on his back._

My frail shoulder meets his hips, "You don't own me anymore!" I shout drawing as much attention to him, clawing at his face, but I'm weak… Too weak.

He throws me off him, if the someone doesn't step in or the cops don't arrive soon I'll be back in that car and dead for sure, "Stupid child!" his hand finds my wrist pulling me to the car as I kick and scream, no pedestrian or on looker attempting to help.

But I see the cop lights, red and blue cutting through the evening light, six individual cars surround us. Six officers draw their guns but he's quick. Pointing a handgun to my head, "I can't die…" I whisper, "I just found myself, I can't die…"

"Put the gun down!" I hear it click.

"Please… You don't have to do this, you can just let me go…" I beg, feeling fingers intertwine in my hair, pulling my head back. My skin is becoming clammy again, the pain in my abdomen growing intense. I wanted more, I needed it again.

"I'll shoot, I'll blow her brains out right here."

"You don't…" I wince, the pain from my skull and abdomen becoming too much, I had to escape… but how? Suddenly it hit me, and I knew how to get to him, "Daddy," it wasn't hard to make myself sound pathetic, between the beginnings of my withdraw, and general weakness my voice came off like a child's. His grip loosened just enough and I pulled away. Two or three strides, that's all I could get before my foot caught on something and I found myself on the ground scrambling to get away as the gun went off.

"Trina…" it was that moment of hesitation the police were on him, throwing him against the car.

"We need an ambulance!" I look around, trying to pull myself from the ground but I slip in a growing pool of blood. I finally notice the tightness in my lungs, a sharp cough covers my hands with blood, I look down at my shirt, the red staining my white shirt.

_No… I won't die again, I refuse… Do you hear me Effie, you're around, I know you are! _I doubt she can hear my thoughts, but as unconsciousness takes over me I scream them, over and over.

_I will not die!_

000

"_It shot clean through her left lung, she's lucky, an inch over and the bullet would have pierced her aorta…"_

"_Will she wake up?"_

"_We have her in a coma… She was being pumped full of heroin as he said every few hours to build up a dependency. The withdraw in her current state would kill her…"_

_Lisa…_ my new mother, because I could never really to back to _my_ mother, she'd never believe me. Hell, no one would…

Peeta might… He has to.

"_That being said… We'll need to bring her out of it as soon as possible."_

"_When can we move her back home?"_

"_You want a heroin addict, in the middle of a withdraw, in your house?"_

"_She's my daughter, I'm not leaving Memphis until she can, and when she does she's coming home."_

"_She'll need a nurse, an IV drip, almost constant supervision."_

"_Our family friend is a nurse, I've already discussed our options, we'll pay for any medical supplies, and my husband owns a business under our house so I can stay home until she's well…"_

At some point I fall asleep again for a long time, but I never leave the body. I'm here to stay, I'm sure of it.

"_It shouldn't be long now. She can breathe on her own again…"_

It goes quiet for a while before I feel the warmth on my hand, _Peeta…_ I know that feeling anywhere, I felt it during my funeral, but now it's real contact.

"_Katrina… Please, just open your eyes, I can't lose you too…"_ how do I tell him that he never _had_ her? That it was just me…

"You… never… had her…" I whisper. Peeta would try to believe me, he had to. I could convince him. He wasn't gullible, just open minded. I shiver as the medication that kept me under for who knows how long wears off slowly. It's night out, or the curtains are drawn and the lights are off, "On August tenth when we were eleven I spotted a red coat in the flood water outside my house at 791 New Galena Road. I ran to the boy…" my eyes begin to focus, "I pushed on his chest until the water came out and we were best friends ever since…"

"How do you… How do you know that?"

"Because I was there Peeta… You may not believe me right away, but you've felt it…" I cough, the pain from my repaired lung, "I came to you… Every night since I was hit by that car," I reach and find his hand, it's cold and unresponsive, "On Prom night I kissed you, it was weird and kind of felt like I was getting static shocks throughout my… well… Ghost…"

He squeezes my hand lightly, our fingers lacing together, they fit perfectly, "How… Just…" I finally find the strength to turn my head to face him, every joint in my neck stiff, the muscles sore.

"I don't know…" I wince, the pain coming back, all over, I squeeze his hand with all the force I can muster. I bend my knees and straighten them trying to distract from the pain, "Please… make it stop…"

"Want me to get the nurse?"

"Do you believe me?"

"Do you want me to get the nurse?"

I scrunch my face, tears running down my face, "Peeta Mellark, you were named after your great grandfather who passed away a month before you were born," I let go of his hand taking fistfuls of the blanket as whatever painkiller wears off, "Your favorite color is sunset orange, you don't take sugar in your tea, you _always_ double knot your shoelaces…" I look over as he presses a button, "You sleep with the window open… always…" I start growing numb, "Which made it easy for me to sneak in almost every night so you could…" my tongue starts tingling, the medicine taking affect, "Help me with my anxiety…"

"This is impossible…" he whispers, but I'm so far gone from whatever pain killer he's pumped in me.

He's gone when I wake up, having to fly home for school. I can't reach him to see if he believes me… It would be a tacky conversation, "The medicine makes the furniture feel funny…" I whisper as Lisa strokes my hair.

"I'm sorry… They're cutting you back honey…"

"I want to go home…" I think of my room back home, the one that was stripped of my belongings that I had snuck into twice. It would be nice, but… the one in the Mellark's house is where I want to be, after all I did escape there so often.

"I know… Tomorrow… Our flight back is tomorrow," I'm sweating though it's freezing, I seem to always sweat now.

Lisa leaves once visiting hours are over and I turn on the TV, unable to sleep. They tell me this is normal, that I'd find it difficult to sleep both as they wean me off the morphine and as I detox, which apparently I slept through the worst of.

I'm heavily sedated for our flight into Philadelphia, it's my first time on a plane but the morphine lulled me into an uneasy sleep. Lisa wheels me from the terminal to baggage claim where Thomas is already waiting for us, "Katrina…" he bends over and hugs me awkwardly as if he'd break me.

"I can walk…" I assure them as an impatient who seems to be hovering takes the chair practically from under me. I stumble some but Thomas and Lisa are there to support me, "Seems familiar… Just…" I look at the empty seats, when they brought me home the first time, "A little empty…"

"They all wanted to come, but we didn't think you could handle the excitement at first, plus… The boys missed too much school already…"

I look at my nails, bitten to hell, "Sorry…"

"Katrina, don't apologize for another person's wrong's…" Lisa scolds. I just nod, I was safe now.

I'm unable to make it up the stairs by the time we get home, the pain, shakes and nausea that stem from my withdraw forcing me to accept being carried to my room by Thomas, who's extra ginger. Lisa opens the door, "All this… is for me?" There are bouquets of flowers on ever flat surface, but there's only one that matters.

A single dandelion resting on the pillow next to me.

I'm tucked into bed, having worn sweats I don't need to change, "Misses Everdeen will be here soon to run your IV and deliver your medicine," I gulp, could I face my mother?

_Prim_. How could I forget Prim? My baby sister? Maybe she'd bring her… Last I heard she was recovered from her bout of pneumonia.

"Just… Try to rest, ok? The boys will be home soon…" I nod picking up the single dandelion.

_Katniss,_

_Last spring you told me you wanted to end everything. We sat in the rain for two hours as I talked you 'off the edge' so to speak. When we were heading back to my house you ran from me, your eye spotting a single dandelion in the meadow at Burpee Park. You said nothing but sniffed the weed. When I questioned you, all you told me was, 'Sometimes it's easy to spot the first dandelion of the spring. The first sign that life will start again after the cold dead winter'. _

_Love,_

_Peeta_

I sniffed the single dandelion and pressed the note to my chest.

"He believes me… or… At least he's trying," I whisper closing my eyes. I don't sleep, I can't sleep… Within minutes I'm heaving into a perfectly placed waste basket.


	13. My Addiction

**Thank you as always for the reviews, favorites and the alerts, you guys are awesome!**

* * *

I hear the door open, expecting to see Lisa or Thomas running to check on me, "Peeta…" I flush, this is so embarrassing, "I…" but I heave again, nothing coming up because there's nothing in my stomach.

He gingerly wipes the drool from my mouth with a tissue and hands me a glass of water, "My mom said to keep you hydrated…" I nod, "And…" he pulls out a packet of saltines, "To try and get your stomach to hold something," I nod and sip at the water.

"You can join me if you'd like… I think I'm done wetting myself… and I don't have any diseases… They've checked me…" I tell him glumly, nibbling at a corner of a cracker nervously.

"Normally people say they don't bite," he tells me, kicking off his shoes.

"You've never had heroin…" I continue nibbling as he joins me.

"So…"

"So…" I echo, having bitten the edges off and rounding the cracker into a perfect circle, as per usual. Finally I would one bite it.

"What… do I call you?"

I stare down at my thinned legs, several marks from where a needle sunk deep giving me that which I crave the most, I'm a shadow of the woman I was two weeks ago, and not even close to who I was in my first body, but I'm still me, "I think you call me… sexy…" I smirk, seeing if he'll take the bait.

"Only when we're alone…" perfect, he gets the reference.

"We are alone," I lean into him, my now bony shoulder pressing against his arm, which he moves to throw around me.

"Oh, come on then… Sexy…" he kisses the top of my head.

"So… you believe me, right?"

"I think… It's all too weird, but. There are things you… you've said, and that you do. There's only so much you can say is coincidence…" he taps his chin with his finger, "I have a lot of questions though…"

"I'm confined to this bed until my lung is healed, which could be a few weeks, I have all the time in the world," he moves away only for a moment to lift the school bag onto the bed.

"Not if you want to finish your junior year on time," I groan as he pulls out my entire locker full of books and binders.

"Ok… start asking, because once my mom gets here to hook me up, I may go loopy for a while…" they were 'detoxing' me with methadone, a lesser high they could control and was safer apparently.

"You can't call her your mom, they'll think you're crazy…"

"And you don't?" I eat a few more crackers, and sip more water.

"Kat, I've always know you were nuts, since the moment you pulled me out of the water…" he pauses, kissing my temple, "Ok… question one… What did it feel like to die?"

"You know those dreams… Where you're falling?" he nods, "It was like that for me, only into the air," I press my hand to my heart, "There's this… bright gold tether that holds your spirit to your body as your heart stops and your brain dies it fades…" I look up, he's nodding trying to understand.

"Did it hurt?" I shook my head no.

"I was gone too fast… Katrina though, when she died…" I shuddered, "It was horrible, you saw the recovery," he nodded.

"Since you got here… How much has been her?"

"Not a lot, it was like… I thought I was her, but I was acting like me…" he nods again, taking the information objectively, not judging my words, "Her father… he had drugged me, ever few hours to build it up, make me as dependent as possible, he messed up I guess and basically the last piece of her gave up and I took control… Though, not without my heart stopping," I rest my head on his chest, his beautiful heartbeat, each one signifying life going on.

"How… and why?"

"I don't know why… That's for you and I to figure out… How? Well, there's this whole like… waiting process for you to move on. Which starts with I assume an analysis of what you could be especially if you were cut short…" I look down at my hands, "At my funeral… You took my hand and I could feel it, though I was a ghost. When I was being judged, or pleading my case to go back I showed them that my spirit reacted to your body."

"Like prom?"

"I was so worried that you were too drunk to remember," he chuckles.

"I was too drunk to believe it… but I felt something… Like static," he rubs his chin, "You said you didn't have a lot of time?"

"My spirit was getting weak, fighting for control, or well, to find my memories… I'd drop hints while I slept but most nights I watched over you…"

The door creaked open, "Katrina!" _Prim_… I open my arms for my baby sister, who isn't much of a baby anymore, she comes over briskly and gingerly climbs into my arms.

"Prim…" I sob, afraid to say more, I stroke her hair, remembering all the nights I'd stay up and help her braid it so it was wavy the next day, how she'd come to my bed instead of our parents when she had a nightmare.

"Give me your arm?" Prim pulled from my grasp and moved out the door, which was probably for the best, she didn't need to see all this, "At least your hands stayed out of this…" I wince as the needle breaks my skin, "I'm going to run saline for a few minutes," I try to nod, watching my mother work. She can't know this is me… She can't. My hand accidently brushes against her abdomen, I feel it… Rounded and firm.

"You're… pregnant?" I fight to get the words out, she just nods.

"It was unexpected… I found out a few weeks after…" she looks at Peeta, who hasn't let go of my hand, "My oldest was taken from us…" I nod, looking away, completely unable to meet her gaze. I'm right here mom… I just can't tell you, especially with the baby… you can't know the child you're pumping full of drugs is your daughter.

I notice pink buds in the closest bouquet to me, "Here, Misses Everdeen… A peony for healing and happiness…" I tuck it in her hair as the intoxicating drugs began numbing me.

"Thank you, Katrina…" she sits on the bed, holding my hand, "Peeta, could you go get your mother or father? I need to give her overnight dosing instructions… This would be easier if we could keep her at my house… But our only vacant room is being turned into a nursery…"

"It's fine…" I whisper, I need to detach myself from them anyway…

"How are you feeling?"

"Kind of fuzzy… But the pain's going away…"

She nods and moves a dial on the line to control the flow, "It won't last… The next few days are going to be difficult," I just nod, "You're going to have to try to eat even if it comes up, and sleep even if you can't. You need your strength," I just nod again feeling my bed shift. I expect to see Peeta, or Lisa, but its Prim, opening up my math book.

"I hate math…" she sighs flipping through the pages.

"Only because you're not doing well honey…" Prim frowns, she was never particularly good at math.

"I could tutor her if you want?" perfect, an excuse to be close to Prim, "I mean, I'm not going anywhere any time soon… She could come here after school a few nights a week. I'll help her with her other homework too…" I look at my pile of books, "I don't have much else to do."

"What do you think, Primrose?"

Prim looks skeptical but nods, "Sounds good, if she can make algebra make sense I'll bow down to her after running through the streets singing her praises."

A woman clearing her throat pulls our attention, "Ah Lisa," she begins pulling out bottles from her bag, "Please hide this one in a place she won't find it… It's her methadone," Lisa nods and turns the bottle over in her hands several times, looking at the dark syrup, "Dilute it in some juice, give it to her only after she eats…" I can feel her watching me basically drooling over the syrup, "Make it a reward…"

"It's so small…" I start, "How is that little thing supposed to help me?"

"It's one dose. The drug is very… controlled. You'll be on it for twenty one days, getting less and less until you're off," I nod, she takes my hand gingerly, "Make sure she's not scratching at her IV, or pulling it out. She's still pretty dehydrated and needs well, everything in here," she pats the IV bag, "I'll be back once more later to change her bag, then back in the morning…"

"How often should she take this?" Lisa shakes the methadone bottle gently.

"Once a day, after eating…"

I snap, immediately filled with panic and rage, "That's not enough!" I hiss.

"These next few days are going to be terrible, Katrina, but you'll need to fight everything if you want to get through this…" I push back into my pillows, ignoring the pain, the dull throb from where the bullet that almost killed me a second time entered my body.

_This…_ no one says what it really is. A desperate man whose idea of getting someone to stay with him was by basically ruining their lives. I wouldn't even mention the fact that he sold me three times in one night for some extra cash.

I pick at some soup, almost shocked that it doesn't come back up as Peeta helps me catch up on biology. It was decided that once I was more under control Prim would come every day after school so I could help her study for her Algebra final. I knew how intense my parents could get when it came to studying, I had to save Prim from the same fate as me.

"Cardiac…" I mumble, the pain was coming back, but my mother had already left for the night, I would have to ride it out as part of my detox. I could be given motrin but it wasn't making a dent.

He holds up another flashcard, this time of an epithelial tissue, "Simple columnar…" I grip the sheets, having given up writing my paper for history the only thing I could do right now was sit and let Peeta quiz me.

"Want to take your biology test? I'll write for you…" he pressed the back of his hand to my forehead to check if I had a fever again. I was constantly covered in a light sheen of sweat, always shivering.

I bit my lip, "You should go find my methadone… I need it, I won't tell anyone…" I beg, almost crying. I was so weak, so damned weak.

"Kat, no…"

"Then go to bed!" I snap, "What good are you if you're just going to sit here and let me suffer!"

"Do you think this is easy for me? For any of us? Katniss, this is hell, watching you suffer like this… it's killing me, the only reason I'm not curled up in a ball in the corner is because I have you back, and you're safe," he kisses my forehead, "If you need anything, just shout…"

I look away, "Just get some sleep Peeta, you have school in the morning…" when he leaves I curl in on myself, it's horrible, absolutely horrible. I scratch at my face, my arms, I take off my clothes, then put them back on a minute later because the hot flash has given way to an icy cold chill. Every fiber of my being burns, absolutely burns, at one point I'm positive my hair and nails start hurting. I bite my finger, trying to choke back the sobs when my door opens again.

"Katniss…" Peeta breathes, it's late… Somehow I've managed to suffer through four hours.

"Please just leave me… I don't want you to see me like this!" I hiss as he climbs into bed next to me.

"Shh…" he strokes my hair, still sitting up. I grab onto his night shirt and scramble into his lap, I need him. I need his strength. This is hell for both of us, maybe I could steal some of whatever is keeping him together. I curl up in his lap, burying my face in his chest as his strong arms try to steady me through the tremors and sobs.

I'm not sure I could have gotten through those first few days without him, any of them actually… I refuse to see any of our friends, every time Peeta offers to invite them over I tell him no, they can't see me like this. I feel bad enough having the Mellark's see the creature I've become. Frail as a porcelain doll with a short fuse.

On my fifth day home the twins took their hundredth senior skip day and spent it with me watching Maury and Jerry Springer.

We started making bets on whether or not the men in Maury were the father.

"Look at it, they're clearly both white, and that baby is… quadroon or something," I roll my eyes at Andrew.

"Andrew..." I scold, "Some babies are naturally tan," I start, "I was really dark as a baby now look…" I cut myself off before I say too much.

"Because you're a ginger, a soulless ginger," I roll my eyes, "With your tan skin and black hair."

"Shuddup Ryan, I may be small and skeletal right now, but I can still kick your ass…"

He pulled down the sheets, my camisole that once clung to this body's curves hung like a sack now. According to my mother, who because of my curiosity brought over a scale. I didn't know what I weighed before, but I was now one hundred pounds even.

"Ok… I'll get Peeta to kick your ass."

"Shut up both of you," Andrew scolds, popping a saltine in his mouth, "I want to hear if the quadroon baby is his."

"_You… Are the father!"_ the man throws himself onto the ground in grief.

"Hah! Enjoy my closing shift Ry,"

I look over at the clock 2:30, school was just letting out. Peeta had a wrestling match tonight, "You two should spring me free…" they exchange a worried look.

"Please? My IV was taken out, I don't really scream in pain anymore…" I pout, "Come on, he came to my track meets, even the eight AM Saturday ones!"

They don't answer right away, "Come on… I'll shower?"

"Deal… Get up, you have like a week worth of grime to scrub off…"

Showering was difficult, mostly because of my stitches and general soreness but after about thirty minutes of fighting my general fatigue, the desire to vomit up my food, and the constant aches I dealt with, I was clean.

I slathered my stitches in ointment, apparently my lung was almost healed, we were just waiting on the ribs that were broken from the shot and the skin. Basically I wasn't even close to being in the clear.

The bandages covered up some of my now showing ribs.

"I need to fatten up…" I groan, and on cue, my stomach turns and the chicken and rice I stomached two hours ago forces its way out, but more importantly… my methadone.

"No…" I whisper flushing the toilet before my urges make me do something absolutely repulsive, "No… no… No…" I sob, curling up on the floor, punching the cabinets. The aches were back immediately…

Were they there? Were they in my head? I need more I needed…

"No… I don't need it…" I slid a little but I forced myself off the floor, rinsing my mouth and brushing my teeth, "I can do this… I can beat this…" a very real shooting pain spreads from my naval radiating out until every inch throbs.

I look down at my shaking hands, "Can I do this?"

* * *

**I'm sure some people won't get the reference in the beginning of the chapter since some people aren't obsessed with Doctor Who. In the episode "The Doctor's Wife" our friend the Doctor meets a strange woman in a wasteland of dead TARDIS'S (TARDI? Plural not found). As it turns out she's his one love, his TARDIS in a human body. I thought it fit the situation. Though... Idris or Sexy meets a sad fate since you can't fit all the power of a TARDIS in a tiny human body... (Not foreshadowing, and this is not sarcasm)**


	14. My New Friend

I take an inventory of my injuries, the bullet hole being the most obvious one. A deep green bruise slowly fades to my new olive skin. All treatable, all earn a certain level of sympathy. I find the scratches and needle marks that mar my arms. Still there, light round scars slowly turning to silver dot the creases in my elbow. The mark on my hand from my IV was fading faster and would disappear soon having not been the site were melted sweet… no, terrible. Terrible drug was injected.

Underwear and a bra were the easy part of getting ready.

"What do I dress like?" the question seems so strange, "Do I dress like me or like her?" I go through shirts thinking of my choices in the past month or so, "Was I dressing like me or her?" I pull out a pair of dark jeans, almost black, I only choose them because they're a size lower than I used to wear and when I slip them on they're still loose needing to be held up by a belt. I find the perfect shirt, a baseball t-shirt with three quarter sleeves to hide my arms. I tug at the mint green fabric making sure not a track mark could be seen.

I'm not an addict, I'm a victim…

I slip on my sneakers and after braiding my seemingly endless black hair I figure I'm as fit to be seen in public as ever.

"Make-up… Do I wear make-up?" I pull at the bags under my eyes, maybe I could make myself look healthier?

I tipped a bottle of foundation over, my old skin tone was about three shades lighter and I was convinced the creamy foundation would never blend but sure enough it blended in with my dark circles and even some of the scratches. I had to rush, not much time before we had to leave, and I still had to conquer the flight of stairs down to street level.

Eyeliner, eye shadow, powder… There… Now I look human.

"Shouldn't you wear some school colors?" Andrew teased handing me three motrin, hopefully enough to take the bite off the aches.

I shrugged, "Who are we against today?"

"East, who else?" Ryan tore apart an orange, handing me a segment.

I picked the membrane off the outside and started eating the individual cells of juice, "I'm wearing green, we're yellow, they're blue… I want peace between the rival schools."

"Excuse me little miss, we're _gold_." He throws his large gold _Central Bucks West_ sweatshirt at me, "I know you're new around here, but that's a crime."

The stairs were easier than I thought, though going up was going to be a work out, "See, we're not supposed to be there because we're 'sick'."

I finish off a second segment, actually feeling pretty good as we get into the car, "I'd offer to make you look sicker by putting on powder, but that would make you tanner…"

I had been in the passenger seat of Peeta's jeep, which we were taking because the twins car was "out of gas", numerous times, but only in the back once. We were hiking and I kept having abdominal pains. He carried me through the woods, to his Jeep and drove to Saint Mary's Hospital from Tyler State Park just in time for my appendix to almost rupture. He kept a messy car, which was ok, it was full of memories. My foot nudged a notebook and a photograph slid out…

Christmas… Only a few months before my death. Madge and I, the singles in a tight embrace, our cheeks pressed together. I ignore the other two couples studying Peeta and Delly. They were always close, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was with her because I told him I didn't date.

God I'm so stupid… I wasted my first shot at life guarding myself… Though maybe people should guard themselves from me.

My breath catches in my throat and a fist grips my heart as we sit at a red light. I grasp for the worn fabric trying to will myself to breathe.

State and Main.

I blink and I'm in the middle of the intersection, "Oh come on!" I see in the car my body glazed over as if half asleep. I walk through an Audi, a Chevy and a Ford before walking through the Jeep, the radio crackling as I pass through before I float myself up into the seat next to me.

"Go in… come on…" so I can still leave my body, or get evicted. I run my hands along the tether, bright as ever, really bright. If it was a gauge on how alive I was I'd say "Prime of my life" fit the level of brightness.

Something taps me on my shoulder and I half expect to see Effie, but instead am met with the large eyes of an African girl, "Can you help me?" she asks as I start getting sucked back in.

"Who are you?"

"Can you help me?" she looks down, her sad eyes hooded by her bonnet. She tugs at her white apron adjusts the hem of her skirt, "Please miss, can you help me?"

I'm blinded for a moment as I enter my body again, gasping for breath. I expect to not see her anymore, but she comes forward her translucent hand passing through my face, "Please miss, you're the only one. Can you help me?"

The boys are lost in their own little world, "You pulled me out, didn't you?"

She giggles, "Can you help me?"

"If you answer my question, yes."

"The blood did miss. It'll do that until your spirit finds vindication. You're restless."

I'm hallucinating, I must be… It has to be the drug, or the pain, or a hole in my brain. I'm not seeing this, there isn't a ghost asking for my help. No. I refuse.

"You're not real… you're just in my brain…"

She furrows her brow, and the air grows cold, "Jesus! Drew chill with the AC!"

"It's not on…" he grumbles the window behind the girl grows icy.

"You're the only one!" she shouts the chill threatening to choke me. Her body seems to form a dark mist and she passes through me and out the door. The second she's gone the air returns to normal.

"The fuck was that?" Ryan asks messing with the heater, I wipe my nose on my hand.

"Can I have a tissue?" I ask, "I'm bleeding…"

I lean forward, the bleeding stops as soon as it comes so I can play it off as allergies.

_What the hell was that?_ Then I remember.

"Effie…" I whisper. I have to see Effie as soon as possible.

"What was that kitty cat?"

"Ryan Mellark if you call me that again I'll tell Madge not only your middle name, but your three biggest fears."

_Snakes, Deep water, and clowns. _

Wait, shit Katrina wouldn't know this.

"Well played, but if you tell her I'll torture Peeta, and you wouldn't like that."

"Trust me," I start, "I have many ways to enact revenge," I remember the vacating of my body and crackling radio… So electronics did react to ghosts.

We park and head inside, still a half hour before the meet, "I have to… Just save me a seat ok? I need to see Coach Trinket…" I put my hands in my pockets, "I'm fine, really, just save me a seat and give Peeta a big 'ol kiss for me," I smile to make them see I'm just fine.

A chill eats at my skin, frigid air, "Where are you little girl…" I take a step to the side, warm… step back, cold. Something shoves me gently and I look down.

Nothing but I walk forward following the cold trail, literally, the second I'm off by a step the air returns to the normal warmth. The door to the Art Room is open but slams closed behind me.

"I know you're mad but please, this is crazy…" another shove and I move to the back of the room to a lone easel, the canvas covered in a white sheet stained with dark greens and bright blues.

"Why did you bring me here?" the sheet fall to the ground and I'm met with my face, my old face.

I get close, studying the painting, the background is pure black though quickly turns into the deep honey brown of my old hair, my eyes are closed and my head looks down and to the side. I'm in the dark green dress I wore to homecoming, clutching a single white rose to my heart my other hand down, slightly away from my body and upturned, as if I'm waiting for someone to grasp my hand. The strands of my hair give way to the folds of green of my skirt, longer than the real dress.

I look at the bottom, Peeta's signature, "I wanted to remember you that day… but like you were sleeping, or waiting for something…"

I jump and clutch my heart, "Shit Peeta you scared me!"

"Why are you in here?" he seems almost offended, covering his work up.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"Ryan and Andrew found me and told me you looked really bothered by something," he furrows his brow, "Kat your shaking, should you be out of bed?" he brings a hand up to check my temperature, but I swat it away.

"I'm fine, really," I catch his hand which he is too stunned to pull away and kiss his knuckles, "Why did you cover it up, the painting I mean?"

"I thought it would upset you," he shivers a little and from behind him walks the little girl.

"Please miss, can you help me?" she wipes her hands on her apron, "I've lost my mama, they took her miss, can you help me find her?"

"Katniss, what are you looking at," I grab his wrist.

"Lets go."

"Kat, what's going on?" I pull him through the hallway, the girl's cries for help ringing in my ears.

"Miss you're the only one!" lockers start banging and flying open, "I need to find my momma! They took her miss! They took her!"

"Kat!" I look back, she's misty again. I throw Effie's office door open, she's on the phone.

"I'll call you back…" she spins around on her chair.

"Katrina, I'm so glad to see you up and about…"

"That's not my name Effie, you know better," I glare at her and the door slams behind us, the lights flickering, her computer speakers crackle.

"Miss, you have to help me!" she pleads, I can barely hear it over the speakers.

"What is that?" I ask pointing to the shadowy girl.

"I can't see anything," she shivers, "The air conditioning must be buggy…"

"There is a little girl, right there, yelling at me to help her," I wince, the wind picks up as the misty ghost girl starts to wail in an inhuman octave that makes me wince and threatens to split my eardrums, "Actually, she's stopped asking and is just screaming..." I put my hands to my ears, sinking my middle fingers into my ears to cover up the screaming.

Effie's eyes widen and she sinks back down into her chair, "I… One minute…" she closes her eyes and her body relaxes before the well-dressed guide I met the night I died stands from her body.

"Katniss, where did you pick up a poltergeist?" her eyes are wide, she sounds panicked. Great.

"The intersection I where… Well you know, we met?" Peeta squeezes my hand, pulling me back away from the creature he can't see and wrapping his arms around me.

"Kat, who are you talking to?"

"I'll explain later… How do I deal with this?"

"How can you see her in your body?" she returns to hers gasping for breath and standing, "This isn't good…"

I can see my breath in the air in the light of the monitor as the lights cut out. The misty girl still asks every few seconds for my help, her arm swinging to knock a stack of papers from Effie's desk, "Effie… You're my guide, tell me what to do!"

"This isn't my expertise, you can see her, calm her down before she freezes us to death!"

"Peeta, get out of here…" I reach for the door knob but the handle hisses when I touch it, colder than ice it burns my skin.

"What's your name, little girl, tell me your name and I can help you?"

Her eyes snap to me in the middle of her tantrum, "Rue, miss, my name is Rue."

"Ok, Rue, please, stop hurting us and I can help you!" the air grows warm and papers stop flying, Peeta's arms loosen around me.

"You will help me?"

"As long as you stop hurting people, please…" my head throbs, "And please, don't rip me out of my body again…"

"That wasn't me, that was the blood, you're restless… You could be like me if you don't find justice."

She smiles a little and blinks out of existence.

"She's gone…" I sink back into Peeta, all my weight on him but he doesn't flinch, if anything he holds me even closer.

"So you told him?" I nod, she paces around a little, "This… this is strange," she's smiling again, "Please sit, both of you."

"Peeta had wrestling in ten minutes, he has to go Effie."

She nods, "Come by after, I'll go talk to… Well the bosses, straight here after the meet."

I nod and Peeta pulls me from the office, "Katniss, what was that?" he whispers looking at the mess in the hallway, papers strewn about, locker doors bent.

"What I could have become…" he pulls me to his chest, kissing my forehead, "Why aren't you running for the hills?"

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I ran from you the second things got weird?"

"A smart one…" I wrap my arms around his waist, "Now go get ready, I think I have some people who haven't seen me in a few weeks to be bombarded by…"

I get on my toes and kiss him lightly, "Good luck."

He gives me a cheeky grin, "Don't need luck baby, I have skill."

I roll my eyes and head back to the gymnasium as he takes another hall to the locker room.

What the actual fuck?


	15. My Unwanted Gift

**Sorry about the wait, I was reading Fifty Shades. Expect something sort of inspired by it very loosely within a day or two… Unless I scrap it. **

**000**

I stand at the door to the gymnasium, "How much do they know?" I whisper, what have they found out about my situation? "Only one way to find out," I conclude opening the door, they're on the lowest rise, Ryan and Madge locked in a sweet lip lock.

I cringe but to be fair I have kept the couple apart. First while I was in Memphis comatose now both he and his twin watch over me like a hawk, my chest pangs with guilt, "Hi," I offer a small wave.

"Look who's back among the living," Gale smirks, getting up and hugging me, I flinch when the rest of them join the 'death hug Katrina' movement.

"Guys, guys, easy," Andrew cautions as my eyes begin to water, "She's kind of… fragile," I take a seat as fast as I can, my wound getting the best of me.

"So how did it feel?" Annie asks cautiously.

I look up horrified, who told? How do I describe being force fed heroin?

Finnick clears up the issue in my head, "Annie, you can't just ask people how it feels to be shot…" he scolds she blushes and apologizes.

"To be honest, I didn't feel it at all. I was…" already in agonizing pain from not having the one thing I want more than anything? "Crazy high on adrenaline…" there we go.

Finnick gets to the rise above us and rubs my shoulders. I want to shy away from his touch, physical contact never being one of my favorite things, but his hands numb the aching in my shoulders. They make me forget about the troubled ghost of little Rue who 'wants my help' but is keen on trying to freeze me to death.

As if my thoughts have summoned her she appears in the corner of the gym, looking normal again, not dark and misty… I can barely pay attention to the match, I only catch the moment Peeta is pinned but hooks his leg on the other boy's waist and wins his match. I smile when the reff declares his victory and when he gets up he blows me a kiss, but I nod to the corner after I blush six different shades of red.

He frowns knowingly, _Can I just be normal?_

Of course not. I'm on borrowed time, asking to be normal would be like spitting on this gift.

Peeta comes into the gym about fifteen minutes later hair still wet from his shower, "Don't you have another match?" Andrew asks, giving a slight wave to Mister Abernathy.

"Not today, Kat and I need to talk to Coach Trinket. You two can walk home, give me my keys."

"What? I don't want to walk back home, and we were going to..."

But Peeta interrupts Andrew's pleas for the Jeep, "I don't know how long we'll be and I'm not letting Katrina walk home in her condition," I look down, _condition_, I get more methadone at 8 pm and I tend to bite someone's head off if I don't get it. I don't mean to, I just can't think of anything else until I get it once the pain comes back in full swing. It's definitely getting better, or I'm just getting used to it. The first few days I bargained _favors_ from Peeta to go steal it for me.

"We shouldn't be long, I hope, I'll have Peeta call you guys? Come over later, I kind of bum around and sleep a lot… But I miss you guys," and I really do. Crazy addiction and all, these are my friends.

"We'll be on standby," Johanna tells me as Peeta guides me out of the gym.

I bite my lip limping a little as my legs grow sore and achy, "You shouldn't be dealing with this stress…" he sighs looking at the mess in the hall, "Is she following us?" I look around and shake my head no.

"Why are you still here? You should run away, you could get me sent away if you want…" I whisper.

I've upset him, I can feel it. Not only by the way his hand bunches my shirt at my hip but by the change of his demeaur, "Katniss Everdeen," I love when he says my name, he says it like he's confiding his deepest darkest secret to me… Which this may just be, "I can't exist without you. It's stupid I know… But when you were gone, it's like you took a piece of my soul with you."

I smile a little, "If anything you have a piece of _my_ soul," I think about the day we met, was that it? When I told "Katrina" I 'breathed life into him' did I breathe a bit of me in with it?

Effie is pale when we enter her office, "I've spoken to the 'bosses'" she starts, "Take a seat, both of you, though I'd rather Peeta was not here?"

I hold tightly onto his hand, "I need him here," and I do, he's my rock, without him I'd blow away.

"Fine," she huffs, "This is… Unusual, not the haunting, sometimes mischievous spirits pick people at random. But this is nothing like that. Mister Crane thinks that since your spirit was so close to well becoming like that little girl when you took control your mind is still in tune with our world."

"Your world, I'm alive, I'm not a spirit."

"Our world, this body is like a room, you can leave whenever you wish and go to the spirit world as long as you return before it starves."

"So… your world," she rolls her eyes.

"And yet you can see other ghosts while in a host body. I've been dead for eight hundred years and I cannot. Mister Crane two thousand and when he chooses to visit he cannot."

"I don't want this, after everything…I just can't handle everything right now," I paw at my battle wound.

She rests her hand on my thigh and I flinch away, the only human contact I can stand without warning is Peeta's, "Oh dear, someday you'll see this is a gift, you can do much good. Now, from what I've seen little things like your friend will bug a person until they go mad or the ghost gets… bored."

I look down at my hand, spinning the thick band of silver I wear around my thumb that looks like a wing folding around the digit around, "She wants me to help her…" I murmur, "You said I had a purpose, maybe this is it?"

"No, dear," she's speaking to me as if I had just told her two plus two equals fish, "Don't be foolish, no one could have predicted something like this. It was your inability to be patient and stay in your body while you were getting sorted out that put you in this situation."

"I'm leaving, I don't want to hear any more of this…"

"Katniss… This, whatever it is could hurt you," Peeta tries to reason with me but I'm already dusting off my pants ready to leave.

"It's a hallucination," I think of the biting cold, the slamming doors, the lockers, the speakers, "My heroin riddled brain playing tricks on me. Peeta, please I need to get home," my eyes well with tears some forced, some real, "Please," he pulls his car keys out of his pocket and jingles them.

"Thank you, Miss Trinket. Kat will be in touch when she's better."

"I understand… Listen, Peeta, I'm not supposed to reveal much about well, any of this… But you should rethink International Relations and Debate next year."

I head out the door, needing to get away from this situation when I nearly trip over Dina Glimmer.

_Oh fuck._

"So… Decided to take after mommy after all," she smirks but it washes away as my hands grip her shirt slamming her into the lockers several steps behind her.

"What did you fucking say to me?" I channel my inner Katrina, though she's gone, part of her will always stay, and now I need it. The strength, the anger, the ability to throw a good punch.

"Decided… To take after… Your whore of a mother…" she spits.

"Get out of my sight now," I hiss, "Go tell all your little friends, I don't give a damn."

"Kat!" Peeta pulls me away from the grinning girl who scurries off excitedly.

Effie looks from her door, disapproving, "Let's just go… I'm done for the day… Can you call everyone and ask them to come over? I need… A distraction."

He nods and picks up his phone as we exit the school, "Hey, yeah, we're heading home now," he starts, my eyes find the very plastic like blonde walking just off campus.

_Perfect._ Peeta's distracted on his phone, whoever discussing something having to do with valves and gears with him. I slip by unnoticed, suddenly invigorated and giddy. It's as if the pain is gone, as if there isn't a hole in my chest. I walk with a purpose reaching her quickly, my open palm swinging and smacking her from behind.

"What the…" she hisses spinning around, her hair like a mad fan, eyes ablaze.

I blade myself off, guarding my wound, "You talk a lot of shit, and I'm done taking it. You and me, right here, right now!"

"Please, I'm not dealing with a junkie, and I don't want everyone to look down on me when I beat the shit out of a bitch who got shot."

"Scared?" I taunt, the spark is fading and fast. _Oh no… Peeta, this is the ONE time I'll be your damsel in distress, please… help._

Dina senses my weakening state, "_This_ will be easier than I thought," she takes me by the shirt, forcing me against the fence, "Well Katrina, want to get what you asked for or will you apologize? Maybe then I won't go to the police…" she hisses, "Get you sent straight to juvie… Or I'll cry and they'll send you up the river with your momma, you can shoot up together," she spits.

How is someone this evil!

I have to play her at her own game… Something hits me, not physically, a memory of winter track… The locker room.

"You tell the cops, you hit me, you so much as look at me the wrong way I'm telling the whole school about your little bout with the clap, and your _other issue._" She freezes

"how did you…?" shock is written all over her face. I overheard her telling Clove about picking it up whilst cheating on Marvel. She saw me and threatened to tell Delly about my sleeping at Peeta's almost every night. I was in no position to ruin his relationship so I kept my mouth shut… But Katniss is dead.

"I have my ways, now let me go, and learn your place little girl. Run home." I hiss and she lets go, my shirt still very bunched from her grip.

She looks back once as she rushes away, "Kat!" Peeta hisses pulling me from the fence, he's angry… No, that's an understatement, "What were you doing!" he never raises his voice to me… Never.

"I'm tired of her shit Peeta, now let me go and take me home," I tell him through my teeth.

He looks me over, jaw tight, hands flexing, "Last time I looked away for ten seconds and you were gone…"

"Peeta, I was…" he's not talking about the kidnapping, "I'm sorry, I…" the spark fades and I stumble forward, the burst of adrenaline wearing off giving way to constant aches.

"Are you sure you still want everyone over? You could just sleep," he guides me to the Jeep helping me up and buckling me in, "You should just sleep…"

"I'll nap before they get here… I miss everyone. Plus the sooner they think everything's ok with me the easier everything will be…" he buckles his own seatbelt as I slump down.

"Think everything is ok? Kat, what do you mean?"

I just shrug, "I don't want to talk about it…" I bite at my lip, "I threw up my Methadone today."

He just nods, Peeta has aged since before my death, "Katniss?" I blink my eyes, not noticing the tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I'm so much stress to you, and now…" I let my head fall to the window, _Just run for the hills Peeta. I'm bad news,_ "I'm sorry…" at a red light Peeta takes out his phone and begins typing before setting it back in a cup holder, "Home is that way…" I start as he takes a left.

"I'm cheering you up and getting you out of the house. It's a nice day, let's go to the park."

I yawn loudly, but don't argue, I miss Peace Valley.

"I don't think I can walk…" I grumble as he parks, but he doesn't seem to mind coming around and carrying me to the high grass, "Peeta, I'm… However old I am, I can walk."

"Seventeen," he reminds me a couple running with their dog give us a strange look, the strong man carrying the sickly woman along the running path, "And you lost more weight…"

"I can't help it!" I snap as he stops in a clearing of the trees, a narrow path, "I can walk from here…" I know where he's going, "Just… Go slow."

The usual five minute walk takes us about fifteen, and he never lets go of my waist, helping me over fallen branches and large rocks, what did I do to earn this? Someone who cared so much about me? How did I not take advantage of this during my first life?

"Bench is still here…" the lake water laps at the rocky shore which soon gives way to a sharp edge covered in grass. I sit down, tangling my fingers in the soft blades of grass.

"But you ignore it, rather play in the mud."

I lay down and close my eyes, feeling the sun beat down on my face, "_Can you hear me?" _it's far away, nothing more than a whisper.

"_I couldn't help it… I had to do it… They have to forgive me, someday…"_

Peeta begins humming at one point, "What did you say?" I ask, cracking my eye open.

"Nothing babe, you doze off?" I scratch my head closing my eyes again as he pulls me into his chest, the sound of his slow even breathing and strong heartbeat drowning out the sound.

"I guess… I thought I heard someone whispering in my ear…" I remember the little girl, the cold, but instead of frigid air the beautiful May heat beats down on me, warming me to my core and even pushing aside the cravings and the need. I feel Peeta's phone buzzing in his pocket, I was once again without one but perfectly fine with it.

"Yeah?" Peeta yawns, "She's with me… We're at the park… Wait, what?" he pauses, "Mom, slow down, please…" another pause and I try and open my eyes, but the sweet warmth and my nap call me back.

"Babe…" Peeta shakes me, kissing at my cheek and my neck, "Babe wake up, we have to get home. Your social worker is at home waiting to speak to you… My mom says it's urgent."

My eyes shoot open, all fatigue and aches gone. He doesn't wait for me to scramble up instead scoops me up in his arms, "Are they going to send me away?" I ask him, tears coming to my eyes.

His jaw tightens, Peeta knows just as much about the system as I do, "Don't even consider that Katniss…" he cautions.

I give one last look at the lake and my core goes cold, standing in the middle staring at us is an older woman dressed in a gauzy white dress, her skin has a slippery green twinge to it and her hair is soaked.

"Peeta..." he says nothing, "Peeta?"

"hmm?"

"Has anyone died in Lake Galena?" as the words come out of my mouth the woman reaches her hand out for me as if she heard me.

000

_Peeta_

Katniss is quiet on the ride home unwilling to tell me what she saw at the lake, and definitely unable to contemplate what she's been seeing. Or what we've been feeling.

I shiver remembering how icy cold Coach Trinket's office got and that strange noise coming out of her speakers. I had a million questions to ask her, but between her withdraw, being injured and the stress from being kidnapped I couldn't consider asking her now.

"Let me out here, you go park…" she finally whispers throwing the door open to the Jeep and hopping out without looking back, she's so broken not spiritually, Katniss couldn't be broken if anyone tried, but physically she can barely stand for more than a half hour and emotionally she's all over the place, happy one minute sobbing the next.

Would they take her somewhere else? Was this about her mock fight against Glimmer?

When I get upstairs my parents sit on either side of Katniss, on the other side of the table sit her social worker, "How is this possible?" Katniss asks weakly. I'm not sure how she's able to pretend to be Katrina so flawlessly, maybe she really was never there?

"We did the test in the hospital-" my mother waves her hand a little, halting the woman, "Peeta, please go to your room, or to the twins room."

Test? What test? Is she ok? I panic, pacing around my room.

My phone begins to buzz, an easy distraction, "Yeah?"

Finnick is on the other end, "Hey, everything ok on your end?"

"Yeah, well…" I look at my door, Katniss leans against it having snuck in at some point. She's completely ashen, "Maybe…"

"Tell them to head over…" she says quietly, biting at her lip to hold back tears.

"Come over whenever. I have to go."

"Remember to use a condom!" he teases.

"Screw you man…" I grumble hanging up, "Everything ok Kat?"

She bites her lip and nods, her body language says everything, confusion, hurt…

Finally she speaks, "Liam DeAuguste isn't my father… Or Katrina's," she shakes her head, trying to get everything straight, "He was just an…" she winces, grabbing at her bullet wound. I go for her but she moves to my bed on her own, "She said something about fiancé visa… Katrina's mother."

"How do they know?" I held her close her eyes vacant as she attempted to reason with this.

"Paternity test while I was in the hospital, it was court ordered…" she shrugs again, "Katrina's father is out there somewhere…" she whispers, "I just…" she sighs looking up to me, "I'm not her, but I am, and I'm scared, and I'm confused… And I have to testify at court in three weeks! How can I do that? I have her memories and I watched her last day, but…" she shivers, "How can I tell a room full of strangers about everything…"

"Shhh…" I kiss the top of her head, "Don't worry about that now…" she looks up, smiling faintly before catching my lips in a chaste kiss. Everything is innocent with this girl even now. Katniss is outspoken and bold, but physically she's withdrawn, cautious, shy.

I decide to liven things up for her and break the kiss moving to her neck biting lightly, she jerks back, "Oww! Peeta!"

"I like biting," I joke, "It's a lot like kissing, but there's a winner…" she smiles and nods.

"I'm your Idris," she tells me, fingers in my hair, "Your one love in the wrong body…"

"Just don't burn this one out!" I caution.

000

By the time our friends get here Katniss is curled up on the couch sleeping with my father whose arms are wrapped tightly around her, they tried to watch the evening news but as it tends to do with dad, it bored him to tears… Katniss on the other hand passed out from fatigue.

"Yo man, where's the birthday girl?" Finnick grabs my one hand with his and pulls me in for what he calls a 'man hug' which is basically a pat on the back.

"Mmm?" she yawns from the couch, "Finnick… You're an ass…" she eases herself off the couch, "And my birthday was…" but she stops, "Thank you," Katniss forces a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, everyone else will overlook the confusion, but I know… Katniss's birthday, her real birthday was early May, now it's almost June.

She climbs right back into bed, not caring as the girls join her under the covers as if refusing to let her slip away.

"What should we do?" she winces and moves Madge's arm from her torso.

"We brought, all of Firefly… Dreadfully short, series four and five of Doctor Who, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Mean Girls, because… I mean come on."

Gale groans, "Because it's the greatest movie ever made," he teases in a high pitched voice.

Annie, Madge and Katniss watched that movie so many times they could recite it word for word, Annie gives Gale a thumbs up, "You go Glen Coco!"

Katniss's eyes find mine and she tucks her hands under the blanket, "Are you cold?" Madge asks as my mother opens the door, Katniss ignores Madge and finds the glass in my mother's hands. This is what she's been waiting for all day. The one thing that makes the pain go away.

"I don't care what we watch, I just missed you guys so much," she smiles taking the glass and putting it to her lips.

"She's going to get overwhelmed," my mother cautions after pulling me aside.

_You have no idea…_

"Geeze Trina, what's in there, crack?"

My mother's and my glance both snaps to Katniss, she's stiffened and finishes the drink unwilling to answer until the drug is safe in her stomach, "Mom…" I whisper, "Just go, you might make her panic, I have this," she nods and leaves, closing the door quietly.

"No…" she sets the now empty glass down, "It's methadone."

Johanna is the first to speak, everyone's eyes on the frail girl who's finally stopped shaking, "That's some serious pain killer they have you on, don't they give that to heroin addicts?"

Katniss just nods and looks away before holding her arms out. She never liked secrets especially between her friends.

_Shit._

She pulls her sleeves up revealing the small burn marks from where heated heroin entered her, "It was to keep me under control… To make me not leave him…"

She looks up as if expecting someone to say something, "But she's being detoxed right now, she hasn't been able to seen any of you because her withdraw has been terrible. Which is why she won't be back at school until September."

'_Thank you'_ she mouths.

"Holy… wait, Katrina, seriously?" Madge's eyes well up with tears, "I'm so sorry! We should have… is there anything we can do!"

She stiffens again, all along Katniss was afraid this one little fact, this huge wrong someone has committed against her, would drive our friends away from her, instead she gets her least favorite thing. Sympathy.

"I don't want sympathy, I just want to get this crap out of my system and watch that man rot behind bars for the rest of his life," she snaps, "But for now…" she yawns, "I'd like to see what this Doctor Who is all about," she looks to me again and smiles faintly.

She could do this, she could get better… Then maybe once the withdraw is over we could deal with the elephant in the room… the whole 'ghost' thing.

Could this girl catch a break?


End file.
